Wine Women and more Wine - Character Stories
Insult Forum
The Insult Forum is part of the entertainment at Wine Women and more Wine in Wolfspack. There are stages set along one wall and people can stand up and take turns insulting others.
Some of the longer running interactions are archived here.
After coming home from the necromancer's cave where Valgar the Confused met the group he and Anterias wandered into the bar and started in on each other while drinking. This was their epic and legendary bout:
[Valgar] Why dont you enter the cavern with me bearded one
[Antarias] "You know, you've got a beard, too."
[Antarias] "Not quite as luxuriant, I suppose, but it's a good start."
[Valgar] maybe i should have said ugly bearded one
[Antarias] "If you like I can give you some grooming tips."
[Antarias] "Oh, then you'd be talking about the paladin."
[Antarias] "He never raises his visor because he's ashamed of his looks. It's a sad tale."
[Valgar] maybe ill groom your beard with my axe starting at the neck
[Antarias] "It involves a fall out of the ugly tree and every branch on the way down."
[Antarias] "See now, there's your problem. You're not supposed to cut your beard at the neck, you cut it at the waist."
[Valgar] for you ill make an exception
[Antarias] "You'll never cut my beard smelly."
[Antarias] "For a bunch of people who practically live on the sea, I'm suprised you haven't quite mastered the bath yet."
[Valgar] we shall soon see short and ugly
[Valgar] and i bathe once a month like the gods say just like i shoudl so whats your excuse
[Antarias] "Once a month? No wonder you smell like the backside of a drow."
[Antarias] "I should ask Kylia for a zone of sweet air."
[Valgar (guy)] id rather smell like the backside of a drow than look like one you hind end of a diarhettic jackal
[Antarias (mikE)] "Bah. You're no better than a tall, ugly bearded gnome
[Valgar (guy)] i see your wits are as dull as a wooden tankard
[Antarias (mikE)] "At least they aren't as dull as your ax, stinky."
[Antarias (mikE)] "Who crafted that thing anyway? I think my nephew made something that looked like that when he was four."
[Valgar (guy)] kiss my axe you short ugly baboons backside
[Antarias (mikE)] "I would, but after kissing your mother I swore of anything that ugly."
[Valgar (guy)] My mother would never kiss anything as short and ugly as you she did have some taste you know
[Antarias (mikE)] "So she never kissed you goodnight?"
[Valgar (guy)] the only kiss you ever recieved was from a cross eyed buck toothed son of a kobold and a skunk
[Antarias (mikE)] "So which one was your mother?"
[Antarias (mikE)] "Looking at you I'd guess the kobold, but smelling you'd I'd guess the skunk."
[Valgar (guy)] the only thing that smells around here is that scrap of hair you laughingly call a beard
[Antarias (mikE)] "Ha! Says the man with what looks like the first attempt of a prepubescent woman to grow one."
[Antarias (mikE)] "Or is that scruff just the hair from your butt shaved off and glued to your face?"
Valgar (guy) tugs ons Antarias's "beard"
[Valgar (guy)] just as i thought it feels like it belongs on a jackals bascksid
[Antarias (mikE)] "So you've been with a jackal, have you? Did your sheep get jealous?"
[Valgar (guy)] the sheep felt like it was cheating on you
[Antarias (mikE)] "Just with your one eyed poxy ridden welp of a runty black dragonling mother."
[Valgar (guy)] why do you speak so of your mothers mother?
[Antarias (mikE)] "MY mother's mother was a good cleric of Moradin. Your mother's mother was something that crawled out from between a withered old hag's legs."
[Antarias (mikE)] "And my mother also knew who my father was, unlike yours."
[Valgar (guy)] my parents fought their way to valhalla and you may find yourself kissing this boradins bearded backside if you say anything more about them.
[Antarias (mikE)] "So your parents decided to off themselves rather than deal with the shame of siring you?"
Valgar (guy) throws a tankard at the short ugly bearded baboon
[Antarias (mikE)] "Hey! At least give me a full one you cheap kobold."
[Antarias (mikE)] ::throws a full tankard at Valgar::
[Valgar (guy)] you arent worth the prcie of a tankard of kobolds spit
[Antarias (mikE)] "You aren't worth the spit in the tankard let alone the price of the tankard itself."
Valgar (guy) grabs a keg of ale and 2 clean tankards and moves over to the ugly dwarf
[Valgar (guy)] so ugly one can you drink as well as you talk?
[Antarias (mikE)] "I can drink with the best of them."
Valgar (guy) tosses a tankard at antarias and busts open the top of the keg
[Valgar (guy)] we shall see
Valgar (guy) dips his tankard into the keg and drinks deep
[Antarias (mikE)] "Down the hatch!" ::dips his tankard in and drinks it down::
Valgar (guy) drinks tankad after tankard
[Arilyn (Christy)] so you two dimwits were too busy arguing to notice that Moirra isn't here?
[Antarias (mikE)] moirra who
[Arilyn (Christy)] isn't Valgar supposed to be watching her or something?
[Valgar (guy)] the lady Moirra? shes right over there
[Arilyn (Christy)] yeah, where?
[BOB] (Valgar looks around and does not see Moirra in teh bar anywhere)
[Valgar (guy)] Where did she go???
[Valgar (guy)] she was right there
[Arilyn (Christy)] oops
[Antarias (mikE)] "Good job! You lost your cleric."
Valgar (guy) dumps the keg of ale over Antarias's head then shoves the dwarf inside
[Antarias (mikE)] "I know where mine is!"
[Arilyn (Christy)] Ant! Enough! How old are you?
[Antarias (mikE)] "Old enough to keep track of my cleric."
[Arilyn (Christy)] Valgar! Enough! Focus on finding Moirra!
[Antarias (mikE)] ::knocks the keg aside::
[Antarias (mikE)] "I also know where Kylia is, to boot."
[Valgar (guy)] what did you do with her dwarf?
[Antarias (mikE)] "I didn't do anything with her. Your gods charged you with watching over her."
[Arilyn (Christy)] Kylia, can you cast something here to stop this nonsense? Does anyone know the "slay idiots" spell?
[Antarias (mikE)] "Only one idiot here, and he's lost his cleric."
[Arilyn (Christy)] so if he's the idiot what does that make you for arguing with him?
[Antarias (mikE)] "I was educating him."
[Valgar (guy)] you couldnt educate a half witted squirrel
[Antarias (mikE)] "No one could, it's too stupid to be educated. But you'd still look up to it as your intellectual superior, wouldn't you?"
[Valgar (guy)] and we are both superior to you
[Antarias (mikE)] "If that's what you tell yourself so you can get to sleep at night..."
[Valgar (guy)] only the Lady Moirra can command me not some female
[Valgar (guy)] what did you do with the Lady Moirra you stupid dwarf?
[mikE] "I didn't do anything. She got fed up with your smell and left."
