Miranda Paige's Diary
Entry 1
I did not know what to expect. I though I did, I thought I was ready. But the walls of Loosend were taller than I thought. Out here anything can happen, and apparently does. I am not just taking care of nameless soldiers but friends that defend me and try and do what is right. There are few I can trust and fewer I understand. There is so much to discover about myself, my companions and the world around us. The high priests never challenged me like this.
Entry 2
This has turned out kind of nice. Staying in one area is not what I expected, I hope it lasts. I seem to be able to stay out of trouble but I do not like that the others risk so much while I hang back. I was not ment to be fighting, so much is not what I expected. Maybe I need to stop over thinking things and do what is right at the time. Stop worrying about what was supposed to be and take care of what is.
Entry 3
I was wrong. I do need to think and I do need to take my time.If my faith has been tested, I need to re-affirm. I feel the power of Idum flowing more, I just need to learn to focus them and listen. I was not meant to fight, but I was meant to help in this fight. Support them like they have supported me. I still wish my brother was here.
....
Entry 43
They said I was ready to go out and improve my faith, to spread the word. The same words they told me when I first left. This time I heard them in a new light. I have to improve my faith in me and spread the word that I am here.
Entry 44
All this studying is so enlightening. There is so many possibilities, things I can do. But so much more i need to learn.
Entry 45
He seemed so happy and peaceful, said it was because of me. I finaly found someone who could show me a new way to look at the world and now he is gone. I can't stop now. I have to find someone to can help me. Anyone. ... No not anyone. There is only one person I know who can help me. Branwyn.
Entry 87
I truly felt what Qui Fon told me to look for, it was a moment where everything seemed to be laid out before me. All I had to do do was give up a little of myself and prove I was in the right place at the right time. I was focused on the monument and it seemed so right, how could I fail......
I did not fail, I did everything I could. I proved to myself I could make the sacrifice. I can not control everything that happens, only what I do. I will have to remember that more than the lost of the poor souls.
Entry 92
I do not know what got into me. I know these are the good guys. Waited so long to find my place, can't blow it now. I will be powerful, I just need to stay focused. Do what I can, learn from the best. Someday, that will be me.
Entry 94
That felt like sweet revenge. Those bastard fish people that gave me so much trouble before. I know its a team effort but I felt if I had move options before, I would not have regressed. I am so glad Hoffman did not have to dive in, I know he was ready to.
Entry 210 It has been an amazing few days. Not only was I correct about Hoffman's feelings for me, I am correct about my true feelings for him. it is not about his physical strength or fighting prowess but the strength of his soul and heart. He is so diffrerent from me but I feel like this is so right. In helping him become the leader he should be, I will also become who I truly am. Yet at the same time of finding validation with someone else, I feel I have found self assurance not just proving myself to my God or my superior but to myself. I will continue to learn and improve but no longer feel the need to prove myself to anyone but me.
Entry 211
Everything is awesome. Sure it did not work out quite as planned, but it was as close as I remember any of our plans, Especialy how sideways the actual problem was. Now I just want to get back to the city and spend some time with Hoffman. Alone. :)
Entry 212
WOW. Sorry diary, I think that is all I will need to remember yesterday. I guess there are some things I just can not put into words.
Entry 214
What a week. I am sure everyone is upset with us but at least there is no question if it was just built up energy. We are gonna have slow down and work out how we are going to go forward as an 'us'. I appreciate Hoffman letting me decide, I am just not sure who to talk to first.
Entry 218
Things are good. Life in the city has become the norm. Yea? This city reminds me a bit of Loosend, the conversation always seems to go to religion, but they are less open to outsiders. This is clearly not a place I would want to settle and have a family.
Entry 225
Something happened with Hoffman today. He seemed to enjoy his routine so much, maybe I should not have said anything about looking for more action. At least this is a change, we will just have to see.
Entry 234
Ok, I think we have had enough alone time. This is getting down right boring. I do not know if I over tamed Hoffman but he seems like a different. He is still attentive, almost to a fault, but still, I miss the wild and reckless side of my Hoffman
Entry 235
So nice to write again after being on the boat. Traveling is so much more fun than the city but a bit more dangerous. Hoffman is good, glad he is so committed. Makes me want to be alone with him. Found out this Flute from the Sea With is not quite as helpful as I hoped. Still might make a good gift form Branwyn's future mother in law. It sound like she lives in a nice place, not like the swamp. Can you imagine her living in a desert. ::chuckles:: I bet no one wants to be called a Sand Witch.
Entry 236
Really opened up with Branwyn and some of the ladies. Feels really good. Also got an eye opener about loyalty and royalty. Who am I loyal to and why. Is it just for what they can give me, a means to an end? I know it is not that way with Hoffman.Just when I thought my head was clear.\\
....
Entry B1
I am not sure if this can be considered a new journal, a new chapter or a new reality. It will take time to process.
I hope Shi understands how much I appreciate what she did, it is a shame she will not be around to discuss further. And as always Branwyn doing what she does Some of the others I feel like I should know, I am sure it will come back to me. I just need rest, body mind and soul. It will be nice to be back home in Loosend and rest for awhile.
Entry B2
The past will always be the past, as Hoffman will always be in my heart. Tomorrow will always be a dream of what I want. But today, I will focus on today and Ammie and me. Getting used to this new body, for both us might take some time, but we will do it together.
Entry B3
I can see it now, she may not see me as her mom, or even who I was, but we are building a bond. This body is more suited to keeping up with her energy and in the city, she can run free. She thinks she has found a new hiding spot but I found that spot long ago. I had to let her keep it to herself, just in case she ever needs it. We have time. Even with Idun's gift (she pauses to wipe a tear) I feel young again. That is Ammie's gift.
(Future Posts)
Ammie asked about Hoffman today, not as if for me but just as a person of interest. I certainly do not think she misses him like I do, or I hope not. There is no way Hoffman would be happy here and where else would I be able to apprentice, I mean maybe Branwyn's, but she does not want the ones she has and always thought of me as a healer. I am not sure I am ready for that kind of disappointment.
