Swamp Monster - In Character Discussions
Sundown discusses judgement From 2021 01 15c
Sundown (Master) looking at N'laea What makes an Elf an Elf?
[N'laea (Carissa)] Heritage.
Sundown (Master) looking at Raelynn, so you are an Elf by Heritage?
Brer Necholas (TMO) smiles to himself and leans back in his bench.
Raelynn (Carissa) puffs up, "My father was an elf."
[N'laea (Carissa)] But your mother was not. And you did not grow up in the forest.
Emerald (Lara) imitates Brer and waits to see what transpires
[Sundown (Master)] So Heritage is not the forest? Or is it?
[Raelynn (Carissa)] That's just your opinion.
N'laea (Carissa) shakes head, "You know nothing of the ways of elves."
[Sundown (Master)] That is why I ask, the only person who has spoken of them, is (points at Thistle) someone who likes to tell stories. Indigo is a famous halfling, and there is a whole Kingdom of them
[N'laea (Carissa)] Most elves do not prefer to mingle. It would not be unusual to not meet one. If you did, they were likely High Elves. They are more... tolerant.
[Sundown (Master)] Skarphedin is a friend of Branwyn and he says there are many underground. Gnomes are known through the Wastes
[N'laea (Carissa)] There are some in the Central Mountains, although I prefer to avoid them.
Sundown (Master) looking at N'laea that sounds like you are judging who you meet. I approve
[N'laea (Carissa)] It is not judgement. Just how it has been.
[Sundown (Master)] And you judge Raelynn on her? fitness to be an Elf
N'laea (Carissa) slight smile, "I am not judging her. I am simply telling her she is not one due to her heritage."
[Sundown (Master)] What is the heritage of an Elf?. If her? father?
Raelynn (Carissa) mutters, "I keep telling you that is not nice."
[Sundown (Master)] are you a her? turns to Raelynn
Raelynn (Carissa) looks incredulous, "Am I a HER?"
Sundown (Master) patiently waits for an answer
Emerald (Lara) muffles a guffaw
Raelynn (Carissa) checks hair and outfit and such
Brer Necholas (TMO) turns his head to observe Raelynn's reaction.
[Branwyn (Lisa)] Sundown, can you please try to be polite to our guests?
Sundown (Master) nods to Branwyn, just an observation
[Raelynn (Carissa)] Are you just blind? I chose the perfect outfit to wear today to highlight the best parts of me. It's not my fault if YOU don't know what a woman looks like.
[Sundown (Master)] So, looking at N'laea, She is a Her but only has one Her as a parent. Why would she not be an Elf if she only has one Elf as a parent? But as our Countess as asked I will be quiet.
[N'laea (Carissa)] You are only human. I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Branwyn (Lisa) frowns
Emerald (Lara) smiles in surprise that no one has come to blows
[Brer Necholas (TMO)] And I'm sorry if his questions offended. As has been said, you're the first elves he's talked much to.
Raelynn (Carissa) quieter, "So he can tell you're a she but he can't tell I am?"
Raelynn (Carissa) clearly upset
N'laea (Carissa) sighs, "You are too vain sometimes."
N'laea (Carissa) to Brer, "It is not ones I have not heard before. Not that I care to talk to many in my travels."
[Branwyn (Lisa)] And Sundown is a little too tactless at times. Please do not let him upset you.
Later as they walk to the mining district
Sundown looks at Raelynn, "Do other Elves judge you the same at this one does? You look like a woman to me. Women have many slightly differing appearances but I can tell when a person is a woman or not. With humans, halflings, gnomes, even goblins and such. Dwarves are mythical, well until I encountered Skarp. You very much look like a woman. You look like she does in the same way that women look similar to each other. If that 'Finny' was an Elf you look like he did too to the same degree. So if you look like an Elf why would N'laea say you are not?"
Raelynn glanced at Sundown, still clearly annoyed, and a little insulted, as she replied, "Oh, trying to save yourself from your fumble? I've met plenty of men like you before." She put hands up, shaking them in the air, with a humorous, mocking expression as she continued, "Oh, baby, I didn't meant to imply you're dumb. Just give me another chance. Oh, sweetheart, no, I didn't mean you're ugly, I just meant that you look ugly in that dress. Oh honey, you really are beautiful, I can tell, really, and you're really beautiful, it's just your friend looked so perfect in the lighting, not that you're less beautiful. Pfft."
She put her hands down, still glaring at him a bit, as she said, "Now, there are some guys who embrace their femininity, and sometimes that confuses people who don't know better, maybe people like you with narrow minds, but I don't think you're a guy who has made the mistake before of hitting on a guy by accident. I think you're just dense and trying to save face."
She rolled her eyes and looked forwards, as she said, "And anyone who thinks they can tell a woman goblin or dwarf apart from a man goblin or dwarf, based on looks alone, is definitely full of it. And now, you're also trying to tell me you could tell N'laea was a woman? Double pfft! She barely takes care of her own appearance let alone embraces her feminine side! You are so full of it."
Crossing her arms, and directing her glare back at Sundown, she continued, "You, a human, says I look like an elf whereas an elf says I look like a human. So which one is it? Not that I honestly think you could tell the difference between the two at this point."
Sundown looked puzzled, "Are there female dwarves? Why do you think that? Have you ever seen one? But I think you miss my point. You are the one who allowed N'laea to judge you and say you are not an elf. I am questioning you if you believe that to be accurate. If You can be a female yet have two very different parents like everyone else, then why can you not be an Elf and have two very different parents? What is this heritage that she speaks of if it does not come from your parents? I am part of the Brotherhood because it is my calling. How is that different than you?"
"Goddess, you are dense. Either that or you really like the taste of your own foot given how many times you've stuffed it in your mouth," replied Raelynn, exasperated. She held up a finger, counting her answers to each of his question. "First, of course there are dwarves. Sometimes they came to the city, and while the women had beards as glorious as the men, and when they bundle up, it can be hard to tell who is who, they certainly exist. Is that true of all dwarves? Is it normal for all the women to have such magnificent beards? I don't know, but I know it's true of those who came through and to the city."
"You're like a kid. You refuse to believe anything you haven't seen with your own eyes no matter how overwhelming the evidence is that something exists. If I told you not to eat something because it'd make you sick, would you believe me or would you eat it because maybe I'm making it up and you need to find out for yourself? Even if the other kids who ate that meal told you they got sick, would their evidence be enough for you? Or were you one of those stubborn kids of questionable intelligence who kept having to come to get healed at the temple because you absolutely refused to trust and believe anyone but yourself?"
"Second, what does being female have to do with any of this unless you're still trying to save face? I heard you say you don't believe elves exists so it's clear you know nothing about elves. Even if you did, your question makes no sense. Those of us who know anything about elves including those who, you know, actually pick up a book now and then, know that the children are raised by the clan of their mother, or wherever their mother resides. Maybe if my mother was the elf, things might have been different, but maybe not."
"Third, you can't decide what you were born as, but you can decide what you do with your life. I can't just decide that all elves and all humans are going to be okay with what I am. I can't just decide I'm a full-blooded elf or human. That's not a calling. That's not how that works, but I can find a calling where humans and elves are more understanding. There are many reasons to follow Hanali, but one of the main reasons is she accepts those like me with open arms because she knows love is more important than heritage or what we are born as and how we came to be."
Raelynn turned away from him, shaking her head, as she looked towards N'laea. She didn't pause, as she continued, "N'laea has her reasons for saying I'm not an elf, but I know she understands even when she pretends she does not. I don't know why she decided to seek help from a follower of Hanali Celanil instead of a follower of Rillifane Rallathil, but even if she won't admit it, I know why she let me help her instead of some of the others who were there at the time."
Giving Sundown side-eye, she said, "I also know N'laea likes her secrets, including those very few I've been able to tease from her, so don't bother asking me about them. They are not mine to tell. And anyways, what does it matter to you what I believe? Maybe I accept that I'm not an elf, maybe I don't, but maybe you're the one who is missing the point of what I seek because you, too, are too focused on trying to define what I am without knowing who I am."
Sundown nods, "Very well, I will take N'laea's word you are not an elf and judge you based on that information."
He turns to go walk towards the back of the group.
"As dense as they come," said Raelynn with a sigh of pity for him. Before Sundown got out of earshot, she yelled towards him, "Hey Sundown! You know what I did with the other unwanted opinions and judgement of those guys I told you about? And continue to do?"
Waiting until she saw him looking her way, she gave him a sweet smile before spitting on the ground and stomping on it, grounding her heel in deep. She followed it up by blowing him a kiss that gracefully turned into a very rude gesture. With a toss of her hair over her shoulder, she walked off to catch up with N'laea. In the end, his judgement was worth absolutely nothing to her compared to the elf she continued to follow.
---
"You missed his point," said N'laea after a few quiet minutes.
"Oh Goddess, not you, too!" exclaimed Raelynn, exasperated, but N'laea was already shaking her head before Raelynn could go off on her.
"I did not say it was a good point, only that your vanity stopped you from seeing it," replied N'laea, and after a pause, added, "Although your response was still appropriate."
"What?" asked Raelynn, now confused.
"He believes there are only males and females, black and white, light and dark, in this world. He thinks you can only be one or the other, no grey, no dawn or dusk. It is clear he does not know of the gra'teblan'dean," replied N'laea, calmly.
As much as Raelynn hated N'laea knowing the depths of her ignorance on anything Elven, her curiosity and confusion won out as she repeated, "The gra'teblan'dean?"
N'laea paused as she tried to come up with a decent translation, before she shook her head, giving up, as she said, "I do not know what you would call them, but those who are neither and both, male and female, as one, to be another. Although they are rare, I would imagine your temple would be one of the most welcoming to them?"
"Oh!" exclaimed Raelynn before she started to think and go through her memories. "Yes, I think I met a couple of them, actually, but I did not think they were born that way."
"I suppose those would be the teblan'gra'dean. For some, it is a choice, but for those rare few, it is how they are born," said N'laea, simply. She shook her head again, saying, "This world is not black and white."
There was another brief moment of silence, as Raelynn still tried to understand the phrase N'laea used, before asking, "But why do you call them gra'teblan'dean? A.... red white bird?"
"For the legend of the Gra'Teblan'Dean," replied N'laea as if that was explanation enough. Quickly seeing it was not, she gave a small sigh. "The bird of both. The bird of omen. Now is not the time for stories, though."
"An Elven story?" asked Raelynn, excited. "Will you tell me it later?"
"Perhaps," replied N'laea giving no indication if she would or not.
"I can't wait!" exclaimed Raelynn, unable to stop herself from giving a small clap of elation. She could have sworn N'laea gained an almost imperceptible smile. It wasn't but a few minutes later that Raelynn had another revelation. "Wait, so that means you believe someone can be both? You don't think I'm human?"
"I have only ever told you that you are not an elf," said N'laea without further explanation.
Raelynn opened her mouth, ready with her usual retort, before she paused, knowing it never got her anywhere, and realizing she might have been missing another point. Ever so carefully, she asked, "Was the bird of good omen or of bad omen?"
"It depends on the story," said N'laea, but perhaps feeling something neither could pinpoint - pity? guilt? kindness? - she continued, "For this one, I do not know yet." Just as Raelynn was feeling a bit of hope of possible acceptance, N'laea gave her the briefest glance, and a more obvious smile, as she added, "The way you ended that conversation was appropriate, too, if not with a bit more flourish than I would have used."
The radiant smile Raelynn had gained from that spot of optimism turned into an full, prideful grin.
Lost In Darkness
From: 20210122c
Those two miles, possibly less, were some of the longest two miles Raelynn had experienced in quite a few years. It wasn't the absolute longest two miles she'd ever walked, but it was close. She was already mad at N'laea for sending her back to the church. Was it out of concern, convenience, or taking advantage of the opportunity? Raelynn wasn't sure yet, but it still frustrated her. Moreso that she had to go with Sundown. Even more so that he either couldn't, or wouldn't, walk without assistance. Sure, he died, but she still wasn't over her annoyance over their earlier conversation.
Did they finish killing those goblins? Raelynn wondered if they were of the same tribe she'd sometimes seen around the church. They'd know better than to attack, right? And so close to the church... For a split second, Raelynn suddenly found those two miles to feel much too short until Sundown stumbled and gripped her shoulder tight for balance.
"Just a little farther," muttered Raelynn, mostly to herself. She gripped the glaive she held tight, tempted to toss it away herself and be done with it all. Taking a deep breath, and trying to find her composure again, in a louder and perkier tone, she said, "We're almost there, Sundown. See? We'll get you some biscuits and honey, and then we'll find you a room where you can sit and meditate until your brother comes back to help you. I can make sure no one bothers you so you can have all the peace and quiet you need to center yourself again. It's just a little farther..."
"I hope you are right. I have never felt this before. I have always known that I was special, that I was capable of more than others. I knew I was right." Sundown grunted as Raelynn shifted. "Thank you for helping me with this. I have been near death before but never have I crossed the border. I am not sure how I feel about being back on this side of it now. "
They walked a few moments.
As much as Raelynn wanted to hold onto her anger at Sundown, his despair only made her sigh. They hobbled along until she said, "My father always told me I was too hasty, that I needed to slow down sometimes and think about what I was doing. I know I can be rash sometimes, like when I decided to sneak after N'laea, but he's also very, very bad at understanding how time works. It doesn't mean he's wrong, though."
"You're still in shock and think you have to figure things out now," said Raelynn, pointing the glaive towards him slightly to make her point before holding it back in a safe position. "But it just happened and you still have a lot you need to sort before you can do anything else. That's the first step. That's why you need to rest and meditate. If you broke your leg, and just bandaged it up, would you run off thinking it was fine now? No. That's stupid, and this is something bigger than a broken leg."
Raelynn paused, letting Sundown again readjust himself. "I thought I was special, too, you know. My parents always told me that growing up. Then I started to meet other people, people like you," said Raelynn, with a slight frown at him, before she continued, "The ones who took enjoyment out of telling me that I wasn't special, or worse, that I was less than. You can either let it get to you or prove them wrong."
"Maybe you don't want to hear this yet, but you aren't special. The only thing you lost was your belief that you were. That doesn't mean you are worthless, though. It doesn't mean you're less capable. If anything, you'll be more capable once you realize it. Even though I haven't met them yet, I know that, if I kept thinking I was special and knowing Elvish was enough, some of my relatives likely still wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me. But you know what? I'm so much more than that now. Maybe I'm not special like I used to think, but I worked to be something better than special."
"Anyways, goblins is an ugly death. I already told N'laea that if I died an ugly death, she better bring me back because I refuse to go out that way. N'laea admitted she likely would not rest until she finished whatever this mission of her is, and would possibly be fine with coming back, but also to use my very best judgement if I were still there because... well anyways, just that she sort of trusts me to understand if it happens to her. I think that's what your brother did. He used his best judgement, and probably also thought that goblins was a horrible way to go, and that if you came back, you probably agreed to it to some degree. You don't need to know how you feel about it right now. Heck, you can be mad about it, but it's what you were given, and you'll have to figure out what to do with it."
"And like I told you, I really do believe that the love you have for Brer Necholas will get you through this. He loves you, and you love him, and even though some people think it's sappy or something, love is really powerful. It's a motivator, a driver, a purpose, if nothing else. Maybe that's what you should focus on while you meditate, but if not, well, just don't forget it."
A Misunderstanding
From: 20210122c
With the rise of the sun, and a questionable breakfast for the others, they got ready to continue on their path. N'laea glanced over and noticed Indigo tending to the small bite from the badger. Tempted as she was to ignore it (the lingering smell of the cooked badger the others ate that morning still left her feeling nauseous and unwell), she'd learned from past mistakes that some things were better acknowledged earlier than left to fester or be misunderstood.
"Thank you for not killing it," prompted N'laea, looking at Indigo. "Badgers have poor eyesight. It likely could not tell you were not food. Sometimes they do need a little more, er, discouragement, as the slower ones like to double check and make sure what they bit really wasn't food. Unless they are sick, they mean no harm, and will leave you alone once you let them know you are not to be eaten. They are just... not always good interacting with... others." N'laea shook her head and glanced over at where the other badger had once laid. "But I do not believe they need to be killed, never given a chance to escape, simply for making a bad decision."
Looking up from his leg, Indigo replied with a bit of a chuckle, “A bad decision? Yeah, I guess you could call it that. It’s not the first creature that’s tried to eat me. And I’m not gonna let that happen if I can help it. You were making all these weird noises at it. I don’t know how to do that. The only way I know to make an animal not eat me is with my swords.”
"Sometimes that is all they'll listen to, but I prefer to give them warning first. Sometimes they listen, and sometimes they... I am guessing these badgers were not use to being spoken to by another," said N'laea, simply. There was a pause before she continued, "I have tried, in the past, traveling with others. Sometimes it can be advantages, sometimes the company can be enjoyable, even, but sometimes others get the wrong impression of you, and sometimes that can lead to... altercations." There was another pause as N'laea weighed her words, before saying, "I just wanted to make sure you knew I was neither egging the badger on nor would I have done nothing if it hadn't stopped trying to eat you. I do not wish to have another misunderstanding."
“Oh, I didn’t think that! I don’t know how to talk to animals so I didn’t know if you could speak to them like Shi, our other elf friend, or was just making animal noises to try to scare it, like Thistle. I know elves like animals and all. I like most of them too, except the ones that attack us. But most of us eat them too. If we kill something we can eat, I try to do that. So it’s … it’s not just a waste or anything. You didn’t have breakfast with us. Do you only eat nuts and berries and sticks?”
"Sticks?" repeated N'laea, confused, before she let out a small laugh. "No, but I think I've heard that one before." Still smiling, she shook her head again. "I'd only eat meat, or hunt, if the need was dire. I do not care for it otherwise. I only know the language of some animals, although I recently learned how to speak to more, but it has always made me uneasy to eat them. I do not begrudge those who do, though, as long as the death does not lead to waste like those who hunt for fun."
Rather than elaborate, with a nod, and still with that small smile, N'laea said, "Thank you for understanding. Let's hope nothing else tries to eat you."
