Mushroom Man - Session Summaries List
Half-birthday Bonus Game!
Carissa, how do I make that text a little big bigger or fancy or something? Thanks. As repayment for your kind formatting help, I will neglect to mention (deleted).
- We are still in GTFO mode. Vee is used to slippery ship decks, so she makes her way up the waterslide and ties a rope up at the top so the rest of us can also make our way up there without falling and knocking ourselves unconscious. Not that we would do that. Not us. We're far too clever and level-headed to do something like that. It would never happen. But we appreciate her care and concern anyway. Vee may give us a hard time, but we all know that her love language is offering rope.
- At the top of the waterslide, we follow the footprints in the other direction, because if people are walking around down here, they probably know the way out. It seems like a very logical thing to do. Very smart. I'm sure the rest of our party thought of this without Carissa and BOB's help, we were just having SO much fun exploring, we decided not to bring it up. Yes, let's go with that theory. Before getting too far, we decide to take a little pause and consider some healing and some long overdue testing of a potion and staff that we found forever ago. I mean, maybe like a day ago in game time, but forever ago in real time.
- Levi takes a sip of the potion, and it turns out to be a healing potion! The fungal gods have answered our prayers! Or BOB did. Or we just got lucky. I don't know, but we needed that now more than ever.
- Jericho heals Rothuss up a bit.
- Rothuss takes a look at the staff. What with being a bard and being a man of the world, he has a chance to figure out the general purpose of it. He looks at it from every angle, turns it around slowly, moves it up and down and all around, and finally... declares it to be just a hunk of wood. Then he asks Vee if she sees the same maker's mark on it that he sees, and when she scoots in for a closer look, he bonks her on the head. Spoiler alert here: It's not actually just a hunk of wood, Rothuss just failed his roll. Good thing it wasn't something that could actually do some damage or Vee (and Carissa) might both have a vendetta against Rothuss. Rothuss does ask if there's anything else we want him to look at, and we forget about the weird arrow we wanted to check out... but honestly... not sure I believe in Rothuss skills to figure that out anyway.
- Temperance taps the wall with the staff and it does... NOTHING.
- So we move along, and here a slight rustling up ahead. We creep forward and find a big open space with at least 100 pods in it. And four live podmen, one of which is just absolutely gigantic. So that's fun. The 100+ pods are small and goopy and full of fetuses... but very much non-human ones. So we found a nursery, we guess. Rothuss suggests using himself as bait/distraction while we go smash all the... eggs? I mean, they sound kind of like squishy eggs, and smashing eggs sounds SO much better than murdering unborn pods, so I'm going with egg smashing. So anyway, we give Lirt a shot of the healing potion, and Rothuss, since he's about to be our distraction.
- Rothuss first attempts to throw his voice so that the podmen go chasing after the voice and leave us alone to smash their eggs. He's successful, but the podmen don't seem to give a rat's behind about voices. Someone remember this if we go back to this cave... because I have a feeling we will be noisy and someone (BOB) will try to be like, "oh, they heard you and came to investigate the noise." So let's just tuck that in our brain pockets.
- We move on to plan B. Rothuss runs through the cave super fast, making sounds like a crazy person on the way. On the other side, he notices a fancy and huge desk, bookcase, chair, scrolls... so many civilized things. Huge though. Like, too big for humans. One of them kinda follows him, but not really.
- With distraction plans A and B being... less useful than hoped, Levi just goes in and tries to shoot one of them. He hits it a little bit.
- Rothuss decides to head back in and do a little tumble for them but fails, and then attempts to slash at the podman he landed by aaaaaaand... fails again.
- And without the map in front of me, I get confused about who did what and where, but safe to assume we were all doing our best to slaughter these podmen and we were all doing pretty ok! Except Rothuss, I mean.
- LEMON FORGOT TO MENTION THE SUPERSHANK AND I AM OFFENDED! Those were REALLY good rolls were Vee dashed across the cavern, used the stream to her advantage, and skewered the stupid pod dude trying to kill Rothuss. SUPERSHANKING.
- Until the biggest of the podmen... you remember, the REALLY big one, picks up MeLange and just throws him across the cave. MeLange slams into the wall and falls to the ground, unconscious.
- AND THEN! AND THEN! Just when it's starting to feel very desperate... Temperance whips out that fungal staff and shouts, "Halt movement, all thee Podmen!" AND IT WORKS.
- Rothuss runs in to make sure we don't lose MeLange, and then it's just murdering pods in a barrel after that, since they're all frozen via Temperance.
- Now it's back to deciding what to do about the babi... eggs. The eggs. If we try to smash 100+ eggs, it will take forever. We don't want to take forever. If you remember, dear reader, we are still in GTFO mode. So, we decide to move along and check out the library. But do we go through the door on the other side of the library (and I use that word very loosely), or do we follow the stream upstream and hope it takes us to the exit? I mean, we have been following the stream downstream this whole time, so it's not completely crazy.
- Several people log out for naps or food, but the rest continue on. Ratbone sings a very inspiring song while everyone else mentally prepares to smash and grab this library like it's a 7-11 in a bad neighborhood. And they do so, acquiring some notes on breeding podmen, and three mystery scrolls.
- Next! Through the door they go! Into a room with three huge cauldrons and one huge pod, that contains a human in mid-conversion to podman. And a bunch more notes, which Temperance pockets. Jericho insists that they free the human-podman from his pod, which they do... and it imprints on Jericho like a duckling. Guess who got a new best friend! They keep going, with duckling in tow, up and up and up... and then...
- Temperance hears some human groaning sounds. They head in that direction and find two humans and a dwarf in cages. Vee remembers some kind of bonkers word that I have NO recollection of whatsoever, and that is the password that frees our prisoners. Well, not OUR prisoners, but you know what I mean. They're kind of ours now. At least that duckling seems to be Jericho's. They start to have a little icebreaker conversation, but then notice the dwarf has slipped out while everyone was distracted, and they remember they are still in GTFO mode, so they GTFO. The next area is a new place with trees and irrigation and all kinds of creepiness, so not that way, thank you. And then they are back in the the area where we fought the shambling mound. Home sweet PTSD home! And then it's on to the two waterfalls and out into the fresh air and sunlight. Hooray! And the villagers rejoiced! And we discover that while we were away, Parry has destroyed three goblins. Good job, Parry the Mule!
- Again, as before, we discuss looting these goblins... (before being after murdering the frozen podmen), and again, it seems like we forget.
- Now we are back at the OG problem. How to get past that landslide. Because these ducklings need more help than we have available and we should probably finish our task, I guess.
- So what's the story with the prisoners? Well, they were attacked by goblins, and while they were working on THAT problem, some "creatures" threw "bags of gas" at them and then they woke up in the cages. The girl, Merithina, is from Osterhold. Vee does not know her family, however, there is no clear discussion about whether Vee IS her family, as that can happen to her sometimes. At some point during this, while Lemon was napping, the crew came up with the catchphrase "northy is worthy." Which, at the time, I blasted as not even rhyming, but I have to admit that now, reading it back, it's starting to grow on me. But anyway, they ask her if she knows the way to the church, and she's like "yeah, when there's not a landslide I do. We aren't getting there before dark on any other path."
- And so, dear readers... we are again back at the OG problem. There's a landslide blocking the way to the church. Vee, Lirt, and Temperance (the "smart ones") try to climb over and see if they can find a way to get us up there. Levi tries to join, but BOB is like, "You gonna leave Ratbone alone with the weirdos you just rescued?" So he stays behind and chats with the newbies. He offers them some food, which Ulster hesitantly takes and then downs it all. He gives a blanket to Merithina, offers them all water, and they wonder whether the priests will be able to help Thuskar, the near-plant man. Meanwhile, the upstairs crew spends about 40 minutes looking around and they find some rocks they think they can use to shore up the path somehow. And then another 30 minutes? I don't know, that's math. Anyway, they figure a way out. And according to the chat, it took two and a half hours total. Which only matters because the mushrooms come out at night, so we want to get somewhere safe before night. Then there's some climbing up and then down again, which Lemon assumed would become clear on the read through, but, spoiler alert, it has not.
- We finally make it to the church, EXTREMELY close to nightfall, and are greeted by a priest and/or guard shooting arrows at us, so that's nice. We convince her (via forehead touch) that we're friendlies, and she's like, oh, ok, great. Gotta be careful what with that chupacabra out there. (Hello chupacabra my old friend.) She also just casually mentions that yesterday they found three deer with their heads cut off. So already we love her. She's super friendly and cuddly. Her name is Allynna Starnar. But enough about her, she takes us to a 3rd circle person named Aien who's here to give us the third degree, as priests are wont to do.
- We start to tell Aien our story, and then all of a sudden it's like, "Why did you do this?" "When did you do that?" "Who do you love the most?" and other annoying priest questions. Then he reveals that they lost SEVENTEEN priests recently. They let 17 priests be captured and didn't ask for help? Not to mention all the merchants and other people that were coming and going? No wonder there's so damn many pods down there. And then he's like, "Ok, stay here and rest and you can be annoyed by me some more in the morning. And don't leave without asking permission, you're all grounded!"
- And the Mushroom Man story arc is complete! Turns out we accidentally did a whole extra arc... you're welcome BOB? We were supposed to just run in, see the pods, and nope out of there and up to the church. But for some reason everyone let Lemon and Levi lead, and... well, that's how we spent seven hours fighting things in a cave that we weren't ready to fight. BOB is like, "hey, think about what you want to ask these clowns for as a reward. Oh, also, btw, pretty much everyone is leveling up." So also a big fat YOU'RE WELCOME to the rest of the group... I got you all leveled up because of that cave!
- Then we vote Wendy in as an official Dragonslayer. Right in front of her face, which is not good democracy. There is some discussion about what we'd like to do next for training, and about how important communication is. (Hint: SUPER SUPER important.)
- The end.
- To be continued....?
Quotes of the Night/Day
Vee Barlett: And the staff? Any insight?
Vee Barlett: hands it back to Temperance
Temperance: holds it and attempts to rummage through her thoughts
Levi Reed: Temperance, hit me with the staff! Lightly
Temperance: furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head
Vee Barlett: Er, why not a wall instead?
Levi Reed: Oh
Vee Barlett: I'm hopin' it grows fungus.
Temperance: If I kill you, it'd be a pain to try and resurrect. And I'd rather it not turn you into a pod
Levi Reed: Ok, now hit the wall with it. Gently
Levi Reed: And if that doesn't do anything, then me
Vee Barlett: Yeah, so maybe don't hit Levi first. I mean, he deserves it, but not until we're outta the cave.
Levi Reed: God, Vee, why are you such a fun killer
Rothuss Carder: Big swing!
Vee Barlett: I'd vote Rothuss, actually, but whatever.
Vee Barlett: Or we wait until we find a corpse to smack it with?
Temperance: brightens at the thought of experimenting the effects of said staff on a corpse
Lemon (Levi Reed): Does the burning hands thing spread? Could we burn all the babies with it?
BOB chuckles
BOB only if they are flammable
TMO (Rothuss Carder): WHAT GOOD IS A DISTRACTION WHEN THEY DON'T GET DISTRACTED??
Shislif (MeLange): that's so funny a crazy man runs across their room and they just go about their day
wyjyoon (Temperance): He was too fast and furious
Vee Barlett: so we take what proof we can from the desk and get to the church
Carissa (Vee Barlett): because they will barely believe us otherwise
TMO (Rothuss Carder): bring back a pod baby and a pod man head?
Lemon (Levi Reed): Yesssss, let's bring back a baby. We've done murder and theft, why not add kidnapping?
Ratbone Carder: This is a song about how awesome we are!
Ratbone Carder: We've been through so much crap, we have come so far!
Ratbone Carder: Several times, just this week, we have nearly died
Ratbone Carder: Here we are, kicking ass, and we haven't fried!
Ratbone Carder: WE ARE THE BEST! Now let's loot the room!
Ratbone Carder: WE ARE THE BEST! We have no time for gloom!
Ratbone Carder: You can say we're on the way to a horrific end
Ratbone Carder: BUT WE ARE THE BEST! And only better with our friends!
Ratbone Carder: Did you know? Did you know I dropped my rations
Ratbone Carder: Did you know? I'll sing it from the bastions
Ratbone Carder: I really loved the oatmeal bars, I'll miss pemmican
Ratbone Carder: The raisins and the nuts were great to eat, who knows when I can again!
Ratbone Carder: How I love and miss my rations!
Ratbone Carder: And yet, and yet, and yetty yet yet! WE ARE THE BEST!
Ratbone Carder: well this is fun
Jericho: I'm sorry what?
Jericho: Define fun?
Jericho: chuckles darkly
Ratbone Carder: it's sarcasm, weener
Ratbone Carder: And we are mighty too! Mighty me and mighty you!
Ratbone Carder: Together we can vanquich most anything! (that is sufficiently low level)
Ratbone Carder: We are mighty! And our smiles are brighty!
Ratbone Carder: We outshine the sun! This time we don't have to run. Credit where it's due! To mighty me and you!'
Spring (Ratbone Carder): dunno about rocks
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Anything I need to roll?
Aien Mountainbane: Hello travellers
MeLange: Hello
MeLange waves
Aien Mountainbane: I am Aien Mountainbane, 3rd circle, depths of the mountain trout
Temperance: nods in silent greeting
Vee Barlett: Vee.
Levi Reed: Levi
Spring (Ratbone Carder): mmmmm trout
MeLange: hey good for you
MeLange: Oh I'm MeLange
Aien Mountainbane: Looks over Temperance, How is the church served by these people?
Temperance: thinks carefully over the question
Levi Reed: Reluctantly
- Heads up here... it was a lot of combat and tactical talk and logistics and that is not my strong suit, and also it's boring. So I'm summing it up short and sweet.
- Quick recap of the end of the last episode: MeLange is being dragged off by some podmen, Vee is being held by one near the door, and there are quite a few still heading our way. Since that moment, there has been literal hours and multiple posts planning what to do next. The general consensus has been "free Vee and MeL" and gtfo of dodge.
- We begin with Rothuss trying to smush the one holding Vee, but pod people are squishy and slimy maybe, so he misses. MeL tries to break free and fails. Levi tries to squish the one holding Vee and fails. And Vee finally frees herself by using murder.
- The people on the not-MeLange side of the door continue clearing out incoming podmen as much as they can. Some do damage with rocks, RATBONE SMASHes, as she is wont to do, etc. Luckily, MeLange is SUPER hard to hit, so the podmen, while still kidnapping, aren't really hurting him too much. Finally Temperance clears one out of the doorway with a well placed shortbow shot. The doorway is temporarily empty so
- Levi makes a mad dash over to MeL and just absolutely goes raging bonkers crazytown on the podman holding his baby. He murders it.
- There's more tussling on the way back. Rothuss gets a good hit in with a thrown knife maybe? Basically everyone gets some impressive hits and some impressive misses. Eventually everyone gets free and makes a run for it, and we are safe-ish on the other side of the closed door.
Quotes of the Night
Michael (Jericho): THROW A ROCK!
BOB you all four can throw rocks at the one attacking Levi
TMO (Rothuss Carder): We are without sin! We will throw the first stones!
Carissa (Vee Barlett): why is it -5?
Spring (Ratbone Carder): because my backpack is still on
Spring (Ratbone Carder): for some reason that counts against only me
BOB Because she is carrying things, and only has a strength of 5
Carissa (Vee Barlett): ouch why are we having you carry things??
BOB She has rations at 17.5 pounds
BOB and bagpipes at 8 pounds
BOB she could drop both or either of those
Carissa (Vee Barlett): welp
Carissa (Vee Barlett): make your brother carry your stuff, that's what I do
TMO (Rothuss Carder): lol, I am a wee bit stronger. I'd be game
Spring (Ratbone Carder): i dunno why the quiet bagpipes are 8 pounds
Michael (Jericho): The muffler
Lemon (Levi Reed): Guessing I can't squeeze through that gap between 15 and 7?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yes I was going to ask if you could
Carissa (Vee Barlett): this same wavelength thing is freaky I don't know if I like it
Carissa (Vee Barlett): it's like I have ESPN or something
wyjyoon (Temperance): Great minds think alike?
Lemon (Levi Reed): sandwiches
wyjyoon (Temperance): Well, hopefully they'll be ugly pod pancakes by the end of whatever this is : )
Lemon (Levi Reed): podcakes. panmen.
wyjyoon (Temperance): Pan-fried podcakes : )
Lemon (Levi Reed): that actually sounds good, I must be hungry
Rothuss Carder: Why are you leaving Ratbone by herself over there?
Vee Barlett: You got two options, mate.
Vee Barlett: You die 'cause I ain't letting that happen to Lirt OR I go after yer sister who has Melange and Levi with her.
Ratbone Carder: Shut up and just bleed over there. I've got this!
Carissa (Vee Barlett): oh wait question
BOB yes?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): it keeps going at +1 instead of +2, also because of emcumberance? and if so, can she drop her rations so she gets her +2 back?
BOB Yes
Carissa (Vee Barlett): guessing that's why?
BOB throw the soup cans at it
wyjyoon (Temperance): And say "welcome to the soup kitchen"
Carissa (Vee Barlett): it's okay two hits I believe in you
Temperance: [ATTACK (R)] [THACO(20)] [d20 = 15]
Attack [15] ->[ATTACK (R)] (Shortbow) [at Pod man 16] [Hit-AC: 5 vs. 9 ] [AC: 5 ] [HIT]
Carissa (Vee Barlett): BELIEF
- Oh ho ho, deeper into this cave we go! What else is new besides waterslides and woe? I don’t know : )
- So we move past the cliffs of nightmare Stirges and bouncing podmen to find a fork in the road. Is it Easty is Beasty™ or Left ‘Till Dead Ends or Dead Friends™? Neither; one is not unavailable and the other has pod tracks on it. We’d rather deal with dead ends than dead friends, so we decide it might be best to head south towards gurgling.
- We put Melange and Levi at the front because so far it’s working okay. Vee takes far back to make sure the squishy ones aren’t ambushed from behind. As they trudge towards the gurgling, the path gets steep and slippery. There’s water, but it’s like it’s being sucked down a drain. Quick question, how many waterslides does it take to get to the seventh circle of hell?
- Rothuss mentions we should try not to die because he seems to have realized that we struggle with keeping our lives intact. Side effects of student loans, I guess– sorry Rothuss, we’re in too deep now. Melange observes that the water gets sucked into the grate, Levi notices that the stone walls are weirdly man-made. Is it the same being who moved our ladders?
- There’s also a door near the bottom of this waterslide, so Melange slides down to check it out. Levi and Rothuss slide down no problem. The two priests and Lirt find that their bodies aren’t made to slide, so Levi tries to make sure they don’t break any bones. Lirt’s too fast and furious for him, but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
- Vee needs another minute to think. Crashing into walls aside, are we going to have to open-sesame the door or not? Because climbing back up with no one holding the rope is going to suck. Jericho and Levi walk towards it to get a better look, only to see that there’s a very very large podman behind said door.
- Jericho pretends to be a door-to-door priest, but the podman is a grump and growls at him to get the heck off its lawn. Melange’s battle axe and Levi’s machetes don’t appreciate the disrespect; they refund it tenfold because they know how to stand up for themselves.
- Vee surfs down to join the fray, but by this time the grumpy pod is too worn to keep engaging with these rowdy youngsters. It slams the door in their faces to die in peace, leaving them to figure out if they want to leave it closed and throw things or open it to shank it.
- Levi knocks and offers diplomatic conversation. Though it was worth a try, it doesn’t respond, so Vee tries to get Rothuss to imitate a pod. Melange saves him from the ordeal by forcing the door open and—before the pod can call pod police for his trespassing—good-naturedly finishes it off.
- The large pod is dead, so what now? Vee walks closer to see what’s up, and finds 15 pods hanging from the ceiling. Disgusting and Delicious, as Rothuss puts it. Disgilicious? Temperance lets them all know that the pods will split open five at a time if they detect movement, but she’s whispering so she’s not sure who heard it.
- By this point they’re all crowded around the entrance. Melange, who was at the front, tries to take a gander to explore. Temperance calls out to stop him from becoming pod pancake, but before she can repeat what she said earlier the pods split open and start attacking. In essence, the large pod man was just a very large appetizer to this main course. Too bad we can’t unsubscribe from this meal delivery.
- The party attempts to file out of the doorway and order themselves. Those who can slash and stab and shank get up close and personal, whilst the rest opt for more distance so they don’t get in the way.
- There’s some talk about starting a fire, so Melange throws Jericho a torch before showing the pods what a real “You Shalt Not Pass” move actually is. So far, he’s a good buffer and buys some time for Levi to carefully move around Vee and Rothuss to give pod 2 a taste of his machete.
- Vee aims for pod 5 with her Trident, but it jumps out of the way before she can give it proper shank.
- Rothuss is standing and watching the excitement because there’s too many people doing too many things. Jericho still has a torch lit and tries to pass it to Vee, but she’s too busy trying to shank a pod to take it.
- The plan is to get Melange to duck, spray the oil, and set the pods on fire. But as it is with all plans, it doesn’t end up happening the way we hope.
- Melange gets grappled by not one but TWO pod men at the same time. It says Podman 1 and Podman 3 in the records, so that’s what I’m gonna go with. Vee reminds the pod men that hugs require consent of both parties and stabs pod 2 to death for not respecting boundaries.
- An intermission because Wendy is a Confused Bird (1). Pod 1 and 3 were grappling Mel. Vee kills Pod 2. Right after, BOB says “and now Mel is only grappled by 1”. Does that mean he’s being grappled by one pod or grappled by Podman 1? If latter, did she kill Pod 3? Or did it release him to fight others? I know it might sound like it doesn’t matter because they all basically look the same, but specific pods attack / grapple, and we aim for specific pods on CT or aim for their icons to attack. Plus, Mel is getting grappled / led away, so it helps to know which pod is left grappling him so that we can kill it off.
- Anyways, turns out Lirt passed the oil and torch to Rothuss at some point, who finally gets enough room to throw. He throws a flask of oil to pod 1, which hits it and causes some damage.
- Pod 3 (if still alive), clearly upset, takes its anger out on an unsuspecting Lirt by trying to claw her to shreds. It’s tearing into her until Temperance determines this as unlawful assault and throws a rock at it to tell it to PISS OFF, HOW DARE YOU.
- Levi says hold your horses I’m not done with you Pod 3 and slashes the bejesus out of it. Vee is furious because Lirt is undoubtedly one of her favorite people, so she stabs said pod with her Trident and calls it a jerk. Honestly I can see her throwing all sorts of curse words and middle fingers as she watches it die, but we’ll keep it PG.
- With Pod 3 definitely out of commission, Rothuss turns his attention to Pod 4. He gets a pretty solid stab at it with his sabre, but the pod says eye for an eye and pummels him in return.
- Intermission because Wendy is a Confused Bird (2): So Pod 3 is definitely dead now. By records it’s only Pod 1 that’s grappling Mel. But as I mentioned earlier, Vee made a kill and BOB said “and now Mel is only grappled by 1”. So is he still being grappled? Help my brain noodles understand.
- Back to Barbara with a quick status update: Lirt and Rothuss are pretty OOMPHED, Melange is begrappled by that singular pod (is he though?), Levi is trying to rescue his baby, and the rest are trying their best not to die so they can also save Melange.
- Like their journey through the caves though, it kinda goes downhill from here. Vee, who is upfront doing what she does best, gets grappled by Pod 4.
- Levi says STOP TOUCHING MY FRIENDS WITHOUT CONSENT and slashes one of his machetes through said pod, but it’s not enough to kill it. Shame.
- We pause a bit to let Jericho give us some insight. It appears strange to him that the pods are very zombie-like in their actions despite being very much alive wildlife vegetation. As he puts it, “They’re mindless and just grab anything warm-blooded and take them away. They just move until they can’t move anymore”.
- Were they once human beings? Are they being controlled? Or is their attraction to warm-blooded things so fatal that they’ll ignore self-preservation instincts to keep chasing after it? I don’t know, we’ve encountered way too many creepy crawly cave creatures down here. And whilst I’m not usually scared of creepy crawlies, these are usually human sized or larger and trying to kill us, so…
- At this point everyone’s Been Through It™, so we decide to pause and figure out what we need to do to Try Not to Die as Rothuss highly advised. Which means we’ll have to do a little bit of planning.
- Carissa made some comments about How to Save Melange by posting on the Mushroom Man OOC page. She also said check in with the Party Pack, because we got some new loot and we should use it.
Quotes of the Night
(After encountering the large Podman at the door)
Jericho: Hello Sir, can I introduce you to our lord and savior?
Shislif (MeLange): Can I run into the door before it closes?
BOB No you are there at the door. You attacked to try to stop it, but you were not able to
Rothuss Carder: Golly. We'll never be able to open a Door. *sigh* Guess we go home now.
MeLange: It's like a pod sausage fest in there!
Rothuss Carder: that sounds either disgusting or delicious
Rothuss Carder: Disglicious?
MeLange: uhhh Vee? kinda blocking the exit there
MeLange: plus I just farted so they're gonna be pissed
Lemon (Levi Reed): Melange Melange Melange. Everyone knows that in an emergency, you have to designate SPECIFIC people for tasks. Otherwise everyone stands around freaking out and doesn't know who's doing what. And when I say "everyone knows" I mean "everyone who's been forced to take first aid training knows"
BOB So that dagger is gone
wyjyoon (Temperance): Oh I was throwing rocks
BOB Oh sorry
wyjyoon (Temperance): Is that not the thing to use?
BOB Ok yes. That is a good thing to use.
TMO (Rothuss Carder): So that rock is gone
BOB That was her lucky rock too
BOB sad
Carissa (Vee Barlett): at least it isn't the pet rock.
BOB Melange is still locked up by the two of them and is being dragged away
MeLange: Yaaarghhh!!!!
Levi Reed: Noooo, baby!!!! Nobody pulls baby in the corner!!!!
Vee Barlett: Don't hug 'em without consent or I'll stab ya!
MeLange: No! No consent!
Lemon (Levi Reed): Also, can we please bring back the name extension? It gives me so much joy.
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Huh, good point. Where ARE their names??
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Who has the chaps? The weird giggle? The odd leg???
Spring (Ratbone Carder): sometimes rules make no sense
- Before I get into this monster of a summary, I’m for sure going to have this Parks and Rec scene and Pirates Who Don't Do Anything but its metal stuck in my head this upcoming week. Thanks TMO for that song rec, btw- I’ve listened to a couple of Jonathan Young’s covers and releases since then.
- We’re all faced ahead to the ominous-looking terrain that BOB definitely didn’t accidentally reveal last session (swear we didn’t see nothin’ BOB). We definitely wish Vee and Lirt are here with us to suffer together, but one is already suffering from another bout of stomach flare-up and the other is presumably helping her with it, so we whisper amongst ourselves to finalize the plan.
- Since Rothuss is one of the only group members with climbing skills, he gets to rock-climb to see if he can get a view on what horrors are up there waiting. Whether he’s a dork whilst doing it matters less than the fact that he returns in one piece, or the news that he brings with it: “4 Plant people and flying things. Lots of bones.” Levi asks for more specific details, and Temperance hazards a guess that the flying things are bats because bats predominantly live in caves, right? The plant people are a bit more difficult to take a guess on; we’ve encountered a variety of Mother Nature’s … terrifying creatures down here, so it could be any leaf-y or slimy fungi or the weird pods that stink of rotting fish.
- Levi suggests we try communicating to them first, but um— which one of us has the ability to speak plant? Temperance only possesses capabilities on classifying them, and as far as I know both Vee and Melange are limited on what creatures they can disney princess their way around. Lirt shows up and the rest of the party lets her have the final say because she’s probably the most reliable and versatile. As TMO puts it, who needs fighters when we have wizards with sharp knives? ; ) Jk, we love our frontliners just as much.
- She casts her vote for Team Sneakity-Sneak, activates her Fog Spell, and they dive once more into the fray, hoping that it won’t be the last good fight they know. The supposed bats turn out to be “Satan's personal mosquito guard” (as Michael puts it) called Stirges, and they swoop in to attack their potential blood bags.
- Melange and Levi yeet them away, but one koalas itself onto Temperance. Is she the only magnet for all the cave creatures here? Maybe. I blame it on the blue circle.
- Whilst Jericho and Ratbone make their attempts to assist Temperance with the freeloader on her torso before she gets too whole-y, Lirt finds more success in stabbing another Stirge. Rothuss must’ve been inspired or something because HOLY MOTHER NATURE he slashes the bejesus out of the one he’s attacking.
- Just as the group congratulates Rothuss on his hit, a pod person looking suspiciously like a mushroom bounces down to the cavern from the cliff. Bad timing for it, because Lady Luck says heck yes to Rothuss giving it a taste of his superb sabre-wielding skills.
- Melange isn’t doing bad himself. His battle axe gets one hit on the Stirge #5, which makes it angry and lunges back at Melange to get a taste of him. Melange says no thank you, and Lirt can’t get a good hit on Stirge #2 because it’s foggy and she doesn’t want to hurt Temperance in the process.
- Jericho has a mini-crisis about whether burning Podman #5 to a crispy mushroom violates his pacifist ideals. He ends up sticking to his guns and going through with it anyway because desperate times call for desperate measures.
- Levi tries to take a swing at Stirge #2 to help out the priestess, but machetes are pretty hefty and he’s not the best health-wise to make an accurate hit. He decides to go join Vee, presumably because the sight of one of his teammates getting their blood sucked makes him ill.
- Squishy Mushroom Podman aims for Rothuss, but misses. Temperance decides being a juicebox isn’t fun at all and tries to stab it to death with her dagger, but it’s not smart enough to take the hint and persists with the bloodsucking.
- Rothuss chases after Stirge #4 while it flees, but Lady Luck sides with said Stirge and lets it flee. Melange does some whoopsies with his battle axe and the bouncing Podman gets on everyone’s nerves, but Jericho’s flames are too hot for it to handle so nobody has to care about it.
- What we do have to care about is the tentacled? podman slithering into the scene. I still think it looks like an electrocuted hairball. It decides to avenge its squishy bouncing podman friend and proceeds to make tentacle wrap out of Jericho.
- Temperance gets fed up with the Stirge but can’t do much about it. Ratbone says NO MEANS NO and slices it with her knife, finally killing it.
- Rothuss is also trying to pass that message to the disgusting hairball podman and leads it to its grave via sabre. Jericho is free to catch his breath and his bearings, but finds time to let Stirge #5 painfully flap around as it burns.
- Lirt and Temperance’s daggers are not doing much to the frantically flapping, burning Stirge. Melange’s Battle Axe decides it’s had enough fighting for a while, but Ratbone gives Podman 3 a taste of death via dagger.
- Rothuss takes a breather, Lirt and Temperance swing their daggers around and chase Stirge #5 back to the cliffs. It’s too early to take a break, though, because surprise surprise, there’s two more podmen! Rothuss tries to tell everyone to gtfo, but they do a You Shalt Not Pass move in front of the west hallway leading to the next cavern. And yeah, it might be because we killed too many of its friends.
- Now there’s two podmen blocking the west hallway and one wounded podman blocking the east hallway. Rothuss delivers a marvelous blow to Podman 3, whilst Lirt’s infamous acid arrows miss, leaving Podman #4 to live just long enough for Melange’s battle axe to activate bloodlust.
- Podman 4 definitely doesn’t like that and tries to return the favor, but all it gets is a bruise to his ego by Melange’s taunts.
- Rothuss changes weapons to give his sabre a break and continues doing well with his main-gauche. Melange rolls a NAT20 and goes overkill on Podman 1 because he’s freaking HAD ENOUGH. I imagine him wiping the blood spatters off his face with a satisfied expression.
- Rock-throwing comes back into play with Jericho and Temperance. They don’t do extremely well, but one of the rocks hits Podman 3 and makes it angry. In response, it takes Rothuss hostage and tries to slither away upstream.
- Seeing Rothuss struggle to stab it lights something in Jericho. Before anyone can stop him, he’s sprinting sprinting sprinting until he’s close enough to give it the biggest bear hug ever. In fact, the hug is so strong that he can throw Podman off of Rothuss, WWE-style.
- Temperance keeps to her rock-throwing because she’s not too keen on taking a strength gamble just to give cave creatures a hug. She finishes off Podman 3 with her first shot and throws another one just for good measure— just in time for Vee to show up and bemoan about missing all the fun.
- Though Captain’s a bit pleased that there has been a lot of stabbing and shanking done in her honor, she’s still itching to stab things herself, so she tries to scale the cliff for that one remaining Stirge.
- Rothuss goes with her because he’s got that climbing skill, and narrowly misses becoming a blood bag. Not so lucky for Vee though, but after some good-natured bickering, the two get rid of it pretty quickly.
- And there’s loot for all the stabbing and slicing! YAY because we’re all still in debt— Student Loans’ll do that to you, y’know? We decide to wait until after we survive this cave venture to divvy it all up.
Quotes of the Night
(There were so many parts I laughed out loud at while summarizing so I couldn’t include them all, sorry.)
Spring (Ratbone Carder): cheery wave, still in a cave.
Michael (Jericho): If you have the flu, I’d offer some probably unwanted advice not to eat anything at all, and start pounding coke like it was shots.
Michael (Jericho): COKE COLA. Not the other one.
TMO (Rothuss Carder): They don’t sell Coke Cola anymore. Haven’t for decades. They figured out drugs were bad, mmkay?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I return, but I have no idea how long. company is over and I may need to go socialize.
Michael (Jericho): Pff. Kiddo, we ARE the company. of HEROES.
BOB You do not need anyone but US JTom.
BOB I did jokingly look at that years ago, to qualify as a church for tax purposes.
Michael (Jericho): I mean....they turned you down? We're all the proof you need. Hell, you even have decades of paperwork on the site.
BOB You need regular meetings, in a specific regular space with a set number of attendees.
Michael (Jericho): HEY NOW, if Weird churches can form REMOTELY due to Covid, I want you to recheck that crap. Cause I'd laugh
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): "The churhc of the dragonslayers". With the typo, obviously.
Michael (Jericho): snort
TMO (Rothuss Carder): who needs fighters when we have wizards with sharp knives?
Michael (Jericho): Why Lisa had a dagger collection
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Who needs to use fancy magic when you can stab things?
Michael (Jericho): You. You need fancy magic LOL
wyjyoon (Temperance): I can see why Vee likes shanking so much
Michael (Jericho): Stabbing is a side bonus.
Michael (Jericho): Vee should be taking pointers from Lirt
wyjyoon (Temperance): Maybe that's why Vee likes Lirt too.
TMO (Rothuss Carder): *GASP!*
BOB and falls over dead. THUNK.
Lemon (Levi Reed): Rothuss is dead?
BOB I am
TMO (Rothuss Carder): I HIT SOMETHING WITH MY SWORD! ALERT THE MEDIA! CALL THE PRESIDENT!
Lemon (Levi Reed): oh, whew
Michael (Jericho): GET THE POPE DOWN HERE! WE HAVE A MIRACLE TO REPORT!
(For the record, Rothuss hitting something happens multiple times this session. It’s not a drill!)
[INIT] 9 : Knife
Michael (Jericho): Wait
Michael (Jericho): A knife had initiative?
Michael (Jericho): How did that happen?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): a very ambitious knife
BOB What are you talking about? grins
Michael (Jericho): And for a pacifist priest, he's burning things down left and right. Pacifist in Nature, but Pyro at heart. A new Shirt Slogan
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): "I am an arsonistic pacifist"
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): It is however too existence for me to stab
Michael (Jericho): I too like Existence for Stabs
Michael (Jericho): Shirt slogans all around tonight :)
wyjyoon (Temperance): I misread that as “existential stab”.
Michael (Jericho): What the fuck is that thing
Michael (Jericho): Oh, just a Chuthulu pod Creature
wyjyoon (Temperance): Looked like an electrocuted hairball for a second
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Temperance unloads her Tommy Gun on the pod person.
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Temperance at that point is just ance TMO.
TMO (Rothuss Carder): what?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): take away the temper. Now the joke is no fun TMO.
TMO (Rothuss Carder): and from long experience, backstab doesn't work in melee combat, only by surprise.
Michael (Jericho): I can probably survive one hit from you
BOB THAT sounds like a challenge
Carissa (Vee Barlett): is there one for me to stab??
BOB Nothing for Vee to stab but there is a ledge up there with loot on it
Shislif (MeLange): there's been a lot of stabbing in your honor
Carissa (Vee Barlett): I appreciate you all stabbing things in my absence
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Wait. Rothuss is right there....
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Back off, Vee! I Stabbed Tonight!
- Jericho gives the magic buckler/shield to MeLange, and we are off! Into the caves! MeLange goes first because even though a metric boatload of healing was done before this, Levi is still not at his best. Upon entering, we first notice that the place has been cleaned up a bit since we've been there. There used to be a ladder-like structure made of fungus that we climbed down, and now it's gone. SUSPICIOUS! And Vee has suddenly gotten another bout of sickness in the morning (NOT morning sickness), so we have one rope, which we use to climb down to the next cavern area. We make it down without any major problems and alas.
- The snagglewort has re-snaggled. We decide to leave the rope tied up there. Thought process being that someone MIGHT come along and remove it and we won't be able to get up, but if we pull it down, we kind of definitely won't be able to get back up. In retrospect, I feel like that was maybe not the best way to look at it. Maybe we could have tied something to the rope and thrown it up there, or maybe Rothuss could do some fancy tumbling and carry it up to tie it again. But too late! We did what we did! I made the best decision I could at the time, and for some reason, people listen to me sometimes, so. Sorry y'all. Pretty sure I messed up there. But anyway, snagglewort. What is the trick to the snagglewort? There must be one.
- We throw some jerky. The plant takes the jerky. This does not solve any problems, and now we are down some jerky.
- We debate what to shoot/throw at it. We don't want to waste arrows, being stuck down in this cave. Maybe fire, but the stuff down here so far has seemed to be too wet to be set on fire. So we decide to try throwing rocks.
- Lemon asks BOB if since we are in a cave, we can just find a bunch of rocks to throw. He says we can find 2d12 worth of rocks. Which seems like not a lot of rocks for a cave, so we are thinking we need to be careful with our rock ammo, too. So Lemon asks what stat is throwing based on, and things get heated. Lemon swears A LOT. (Sorry Mini) More on that in the OOC chat, because Lemon has things she wants to say. But anyway, Levi kills the first plant with rocks. One rock left over. Which he throws at the other snagglewort, just for funsies. At which point BOB says "anyone want to gather up some more rocks" LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL AND WE DIDN'T JUST TRY AND DISCUSS THAT VERY THING.
- The torch burns out, because it's been over half an hour since we lit it. Things get dark. But jk, Rothuss had already lit a new torch and nobody noticed, because that's just kind of Rothuss' vibe I guess? But anyway, after 20 minutes of rock throwing, the snagglewort is dead and so are all the muscles in Levi's arms, probably.
- Now it's time to figure out what to do about that second waterfall. Levi has been kind of tunnel-vision thinking about how to jam the mechanism so the door stays open. He's like "you know, maybe we should leave someone up here with the key, so we don't get stuck down there again." At which point BOB just casually mentions that there's ANOTHER SMALL KEYHOLE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATERFALL. If I were feeling less rage-y about it and more curious, I would go back to the old chat and see if anyone rolled a good obs down there to notice this the last time. But anyway, we give the key to Temperance after using it this time, since she's kind of the most reliable at this point. But also now the question is... how is the person who is "cleaning up" after us getting around if we stole their key. But maybe this key was like, the under the doormat key, as Rothuss points out.
- So anyway we're down now, and it's intersection time. Last time we went west. But Levi says that this time he feels like, "Easty is the beasty." Which he means in a good way. So we just decide that's our new mantra and the way we will go until we can't anymore, either due to a dead end, or Vee showing up and calling us all idiots and making us turn around.
- Into the first chamber. There's a bunch of man-sized pods hanging from the ceiling in here. 19 of them are opened along a seam and smell like rotting fish. Two are still full of... something. Levi wants to throw rocks at the full ones, but Rothuss says they should just stay away. For some reason, Levi listens to him. Maybe he's still thinking of the snagglewort slowing him down and cramping his style. He does wonder if the smell means the plants are carnivorous. We make it through that room unhindered.
- Levi says "you know what they say. All caves lead to south." Which, let me, Lemon, just say right now that number one, I have no recollection of saying that. Number two, I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. Anyway, next cavern area is full of "small, bulb-headed mushrooms." Temperance is too far in the back of the line to see clearly, but Levi knows these things are harmless. He fails to mention that walking through them makes them squish out a glowy yellow ooze that is now stuck to the bottom of everyone's boots. We make it through there unhindered, but with yellow bottomed boots.
- The next area has a huge stone face carved into the wall (which Lemon does not remember seeing before, even though it's right there in chat), and to continue on this way, we'd have to get in the mouth. We do, I think. Anyway we keep going whichever way we've been going, until we get to a pretty steep drop. Rothuss asks if we should keep going or turn back, and Levi is like, "If you think you can get a better look without dying, go for it." Rothuss attempts to take a peek but slides down what seems to be a large stone waterslide.
- He lands safely in a pool, so we all slide down after him. Into a nice pool. Full of giant leeches. Which is right when Vee appears, lucky her. The water does not wash off the glowiness of the boots, by the way. But anyway, now our options are try to climb back up a slippery waterslide, go over a waterfall into the unknown, or just make our peace and live with leeches in this pool with no land surrounding in it.
- We decide to take our chances with the waterfall. Vee notices some fish down there, and she tries to talk to them. They are basically starving, and she's like, "I'll get you some food fish bros!" But right at that same moment, Rothuss heads down over the waterfall, and the fish mistake HIM for the food. They eat a chunk of his toe, glowy boot and all. And up ahead, the next section looks like very difficult terrain, plus there's a ledge up-ish on the other side that anything, just ANYTHING, could use as a place to stand and shoot or throw stuff at us. So this seems like the perfect place to pause for the evening!
Quotes of the Night
MeLange: Hope you plants are ready to rock!
BOB The objects hanging from the ceiling are pod-like plant growth hanging by short, thick stems. There are 20 of these man-sized pods, each measuring about six feet from top to bottom and about four feet in circumference. All but two of them seem to have split open from top to bottom along a seam, revealing a slime-coated interior. The entire room smells unpleasantly of rotting fish.
Levi Reed: ... anyone got a rock?
Rothuss Carder: Anyone else nervous about those?
MeLange: raises hand
Levi Reed: Should I try to hit one with a rock or...? Anyone got any better ideas?
Rothuss Carder: Skirt along the edges of the cave and just get through it without bothering anyone?
Levi Reed: I mean, yeah, sure, there's always the boring way
Rothuss Carder: Left/east, or follow the water south?
Levi Reed: I mean, I feel like let's just go left until we can no longer go left
Levi Reed: Whether because of dead ends or dead friends
Levi Reed: Oh yeah, agree. I'm not giving up on this course until Vee catches up and tells me to stop being an idiot
Temperance: cracks a small smile at the comment
Rothuss Carder: Why do you listen to her? Be the idiot you want to be.
BOB WHOOOOOOSHHHHH
BOB Rothuss disapeared
Shislif (MeLange): probably just like a fun slide
BOB You hear a slight startled sound then nothing
Levi Reed: Well
Levi Reed: I mean
Levi Reed: We can't just leave him
Levi Reed: probably
MeLange: Well it would be quite rude to leave him
Levi Reed: So we... um... follow?
MeLange: go on Levi, we're right behind ya
Temperance: looks a bit conflicted, but nods in assent nonetheless
Levi Reed: Or... find a safer way to wherever he is?
MeLange: that would take time, he could be in trouble now
Levi Reed: Sure but so could we all if we fall down there...
MeLange: at least Rothuss would break our fall
MeLange: chuckles
Levi Reed: You make a good point... ok, you go first, and shout back up to us if you land ok
Temperance: I don't particularly want him to break our fall by breaking his back
MeLange: Ok
MeLange: I'll yell first just in case
MeLange: make way Levi
Rothuss Carder: shouts back, "Long drop. deep pool!"
MeLange: Coming down Rothuss!!! Make way!
Vee Barlett: Ya know, the dried blood on yer face kinda makes a cool lookin' tattoo, Levi.
Levi Reed: You know what would look good on you? A few more leeches
Vee Barlett: You can keep 'em. Might keep the blood rushin' the wrong places.
Vee Barlett: pokes the leech on Rothuss with her knife
Rothuss Carder: Do your worst to it Vee. Pretend it's me
Vee Barlett: If I pretend it's your, I'm gonna go straight for your face.
Vee Barlett: At least the fish are happier.
Rothuss Carder: ITS face. Pretend IT is me. Not me is me.
- Jericho, Ratbone, Melange, and Temperance all wake for Third Watch to the sight of goblin corpses and battle-bruised Parry. We decide to prioritize handling goblin remains, so Jericho roots around and finds four stone daggers and a buckler. The latter gets him contemplating the loopholes around the definition of an offensive attack.
- With the corpses looted, Ratbone and Jericho manage to toss the dead goblins into the moat in the hopes that it will convince predatory creatures that the corpses are an easier meal than humans on an island.
- After giving Parry some much needed healing, the group decides to wait out the rest of the watch within the vicinity of the cabin. In the midst of reviewing the plan of action for the cave, Ratbone notifies the rest of the group about hearing birds and a shrieking sound.
- Conjectures about the shrieking source aside, it alerts us to the fact that Parry is still left out in the open. Alas, the mule makes it clear that “the wreck of a building” isn’t all that great for her delicate mule sensibilities, so Jericho spends an hour or three attempting to bribe her with apples.
- It’s 7AM, and good news, Third Watch passes uneventfully! Everyone is still breathing, Rothuss gets a couple extra minutes of beauty sleep before Ratbone interrupts, and we get some loot from goblin corpses.
- It’s too early to celebrate though, because—surprise surprise—the large log serving as the only bridge in the southeast part of the island is now gone. Yay. Fun and games, indeed. Maybe it had something to do with the shrieking sounds from hours before? Who knows, it’s the jungle.
- After getting their bearings and attempting to determine the standards of “grievously wounded”, everyone gets a good ol’ dosage of healing. It’s a first come first serve basis and Levi gets the short end of the stick because Lemon was on a plane, whoops.
- Since Vee’s canoe is conveniently inaccessible, we decide to protect Parry from drowning by having someone leap across the water with a rope. Not sure what the exact plan was. Something about anchoring one end of the rope to a tree? It was most likely going to serve as some sort of lifeline for any swimming fails.
- Rothuss volunteers as tribute and leaps across the moat using a rock in the water as a midway point. Never occurs to us that we need to go east instead of west to get to the cave, so he has to drop the rope to walk around.
- When he manages to get there, three goblins decide to show up because apparently unfinished business is the worst kind of business. Unfortunately Parry isn’t close enough to make more pancakes out of goblin faces, so Melange swims across to try to help Rothuss out whilst the rest of us try our luck with magical arson, arrows, and rock-throwing.
- Miraculously, no humans met their end, only one of the goblins runs away to live another day, and Vee grants access to the canoe. We decide that fighting a trio of goblins is enough excitement for one morning and pause to reconvene.
- And that was the end of their adventure. If I think about it now we started the session with dead goblins and ended it with dead goblins. No humans were greatly harmed, though I’m not sure how long that’ll last. On a more positive note, thanks BOB for the lesson on Orisons! My brain might have been mush afterwards but the learning was fun.
- Not really sure how a new year snuck up on us, but here we are.
- We chatted a bit IC on site, so you can go check that out for the inbetween, and now we are at 1:30 pm gametime. We start gabbing.
- Levi comes up with a brilliant idea to try and jam the mechanism for the waterfall so that when we go down into the cave again, we don't get stuck down there. Not sure anyone will be able to work out how to do that, though, no one seems to have any idea.
- Jericho laments having to go back into the caves and says he isn't a "peak physical specimen like Shanky McGee over there" and then points to Levi and Rothuss. It is unlcear which one is Shanky and which one is McGee, but since Levi doesn't have knives, I'm calling dibs on McGee.
- Vee does the Vee thing and gets annoyed at everyone for not being as smart as her.
- We decide that upon next entry, we will leave some ropes for climbing up (not sure why, since without the waterfall the climbing seemed fairly easy?) and try to jam the waterfall mechanism, and then attempt to get through the cave as quickly as possible. No dawdling for exploration or samples or anything that isn't strictly necessary. Let's try to remember this moment, because I have a strong feeling this plan will completely disintegrate once we actually get in there. Just a hunch.
- Around 3:30pm, Lirt pulls up a haul of fish and notices something moving in the bushes. The plants fall off, and we attempt to throw something at the bushes. But they were not THE SPECIFIC BUSH, so we have to try again, aiming for THE SPECIFIC BUSH. Levi tries to send Rothuss to go investigate, when throwing things at THAT SPECIFIC BUSH doesn't turn anything up.
- The next several hours (at least it feels like it) are dedicated to deciding who will be on what watch. Literally my least favorite thing to do. The logistics involved in this absolutely destroy me every singe time.
- So then, not sure if watches have officially started yet or not, but then some goblins start making their way across the bridge. Oh heck no. Guess what? Turns out Parry is a total badass ninja mule, and he kicks them in the face so good. Plus Lirt has some acid arrows she shoots at them. Eventually they're all either running away or dead (the goblins, that is), so yay for us! But mostly Parry. Kind of sad when the mule is the best fighter you got, but there it is.
- Next watch begins, so I guess watches HAVE officially started, and Vee gives Rothuss some nice light small talk to fritter the time away with. No, just kidding, she asks him deep "look into your soul" type questions and Rothuss seems to be very not interested in that kind of conversation.
- And that's where we leave it. Third watch for next week, which Lemon will not be around for, so... good luck Temperance and Jericho. Two priests doing priest stuff. Potentially two sticks up two... I mean, I can't wait to read it later!
Quotes of the Night
Vee Barlett: Yer still too broad.
Rothuss Carder: See? You do it too. "What do you want?" "No, not that answer, give me a better one."
Vee Barlett: What ya want when ya want ain't a concrete answer. It ain't tell me anything at all about you or what you cherish except a lack of structure. Don't tell me if you love yer family or friends, if ya like water or sea, if you care about rum more than wine. It's a cheap answer.
Rothuss Carder: holds up a hand between them.
Vee Barlett: Everyone wants to do what they want whenever they want, but more to it than that.
Rothuss Carder: Hold on, let's not start a fight over this. Yet.
Vee Barlett: Ain't a fight. Just pointin' out why yer wrong.
Rothuss Carder: But one day, a sheep falls into a small crevasse. He'd never seen it before. And at the bottom, under a bush, a small clay pot with a wax stopper.
Vee Barlett: nods slowly
Rothuss Carder: He pulls the stopper... WOOSSHHHH... a gray cloud starts billowing forth, all around him.
BOB The sheep pulls the stopper? or the shepherd?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): *puts the stopper in Bob*
Vee Barlett: Sounds like them idiots who go to Pa.
Vee Barlett: At least he has better things to invest in even if he's able to get whoever he wants.
Rothuss Carder: He's traded one hell for another.
Parry the Mule: neigh... neigh
Parry the Mule: farts
Rothuss Carder: Nope, just keepign things simple, not making anything complicated until it needs to be.
Vee Barlett: Smart.
Rothuss Carder: picks up his saber.
Rothuss Carder: You're not Vee, you're an imposter!
Rothuss Carder: That was a compliment!
----
- Lemon logs in before Carissa
- Not related to this particular session, but so I don't forget, BOB did mention that we did not test the fungus in the cave for sentience. I'm not sure how we would do that, but I kind of want to if we end up back in that room.
- Carissa has rainbow dice and so Lemon must acquire them. Most important thing for this session.
- Year end awards are given out.
- Back into the story! We're still trying to work out how to get up that second waterfall thing, when a wild Ratbone appears! Rothuss wants to try tumbling up the waterfall, but that fails, as he knew it would, so we decide to tie the key for the shutoff to a rope that Ratbone throws down so she can turn off the waterfall and we can all climb up the ladder. Everyone except Rothuss and Jericho make it up to the top before something starts coming right for them. Jericho hits his head three times trying to climb up quickly and is knocked unconscious up at the top, and Rothuss climbs very expeditiously.
- Once out of the cave, we see parrots. This feels like a good time to remind the people who can make friends with animals that Levi wants a pet parrot.
- We are about halfway through the session. The other half is dedicated to deciding where to camp. We finally decide to set up pretty much where we are, when someone named Orrian Terrawater comes though and tells us a story about some creepy plant men who walk the jungle at night. That is an exact quote... "the plant men are causing all sorts of problems." Then he says "Only at night do the mushroom men walk." SO IS IT PLANTS OR MUSHROOMS???? Are those the same things he's talking about, or different things? Also he lets us know he's looking for the drug kind of mushrooms to "help him see the real world." So can we even trust him?
- In the end, we decide to head back to the falling apart house that we camped at the night before. We have a lot of time to kill here, so Vee starts looking for materials to make a skiff with.
Quotes of the Night
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Right. Tumbling is basically Parkour, without the training to go up walls. Rothuss has a basic 50% chance to climb walls. Expeditious Retreat cast on himself adds 5' to his vertical leap *and* triples his movement rate. Backing up, casting Expeditious Retreat on himself, and then desperately attempting to Tumble *up* the waterfall against the flow.
Spring (Ratbone Carder): Well that sounds complicated
Shislif (MeLange): tumble up the waterfall you say?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): that is what I say
Shislif (MeLange): ballsy!
TMO (Rothuss Carder): it sounds *exceedingly* complicated
Lemon (Levi Reed): I like it
TMO (Rothuss Carder): and should be an entertaining failure
Shislif (MeLange): it's crazy enough... it just might work :)
Michael (Jericho): I picutre Link from Ocarina of Time doing a forward roll up a waterfall
Spring (Ratbone Carder): sounds like a fancy way to get a concussion
- Lemon logs in WAY before Carissa.
- We start out at the intersection where we can hear the sound of water on wood coming from the "west". Levi calls everyone else "chicken" in order to get them to follow him that way to inspect the sounds. They find a fork in the path and have to choose between heading towards the creaky sounds or the rustling sounds. They choose rustling and find a cavern full of floor to ceiling fungus pillars. Everyone rolls init and then there's a discussion about combat in narrow places. Lemon insists everything will be fine and that we just need to make sure we leave space for people to get around. No biggie. (Please remember this, it will be hilarious later.) Levi is hesitant to go into the cave, as his amazing botany skills have revealed nothing about this particular fungus among us. Jericho also can't identify it, and neither can Temperance. So Levi is like weeeeell, let's keep moving and maybe come back to this later if we don't die somewhere else first. Then MeLange asks, "do you want to take a sample or anything?"
- Levi: Heck no
- Jericho: Fuck no
- Temperance: Yep
- A shambling mound knocks Temperance out with one hit. She's at -5.
- Levi gets all rage-y and tries to murder it, but is still hampered by the 40 pound plant stuck to him from the last session. Temperance is down to -6.
- Jericho rushes in and binds wounds. (Please remember this, it will be important later.) Lemon suggests that we don't stand right in the entryway while we do things in this cavern, because the entryway is only wide enough for one person. But alas, she suggests it too late! Jericho has bound the wounds while standing right in the entryway.
- After Jericho drags Temperance out of there, MeLange comes running in to save Levi from the fungus monster. Lemon and Michael both suggest that MeLange doesn't stand in the entryway while attacking the monster. So far, no one has been able to damage a monster that I assume looks like the Fraggle Rock compost pile.
- TMO suggests fire, so Levi tries to torch it, and Lemon discovers that in order to do any damage to the Trash Heap, she must roll a 20.
- Lirt moves in to try and do some fire spells. Michael suggests that Lirt not block the entryway.
- Rothuss does a very inspiring Hollaback Style chant. We all get some bonuses.
- Jericho blesses us. We all get bonuses.
- Lemon greatly misunderstands when the huge plant will fall off of Levi.
- MeLange attacks the shamble again. And misses again. AND THEN HE HITS IT! Yay! We're SAVED!
- Levi tries to run away, because the dude has to roll a TWENTY to hit it. But Bob is like, are you suuuuuure, you have so much bonuses now! But Levi is like, nah, let Lirt burn it with fire.
- Temperance is down to -8 despite the fact that she definitely shouldn't still be bleeding. An argument ensues.
- Lirt moves in and tries to burn it to the ground. It is immune to fire.
- Carissa logs in.
- Rothuss tells everyone to gtfo. They don't listen.
- MeLange gets some more hits in on the thing.
- The thing gets some hits on MeLange
- Levi's rage is reactivated and he goes back in, machetes blazing. He manages to get a small hit in.
- Vee rushes in to finish it off! And misses. And is standing in the entryway.
- Jericho heals Temperance
- MeLange attacks again... and misses.
- Lirt attacks... and misses.
- Plant punches Levi. He's down to like 1 hp.
- Levi attacks the plant... and misses.
- Vee attacks... and misses.
- MeLange hits it. A little bit.
- Lirt attacks... and misses.
- Plant attacks Levi and he's dead. But I guess at a -9 dead so not DEAD dead. Then he gets to a -10 but apparently that doesn't count for some reason, but hey, I'm not arguing that point.
- Vee attacks plant... and misses.
- Jericho binds Levi's wounds.
- MeLange attacks... and HITS IT SO GOOD. The plant monster is down to 1 hp.
- BOB suggests that Jericho cast cause light wounds to finish it off. But Jericho is a pacificst. A... pointed discussion ensues.
- Lirt attacks AND KILLS IT!!!! THE VILLAGERS REJOICE!
- So we end the fight with Temperance, Levi, and MeLange all at one hp, and the first 2/3 of those people walking wounded, who are completely useless.
- Apparently there's some good loot, but it doesn't seem to be in the log, but it SOUNDS like tons of money, and unidentified bottle of something, and some kind of fungus staff. I will let Carissa or TMO add it in here.
- Link to the Party Pack - Carissa
- Now we have to decide do we want to camp in the cave? Keep exploring? Try to get back out of the cave? (Because that waterfall returned and it doesn't seem easy to get back out.) Check on the mule? BOB doesn't seem to like the camping idea. He's like, "Y'all come up with something better and we'll talk about it next week."
- Link to Discussion Page - Carissa
Quotes of the Night
Rothuss Carder: drapes his plant fronds as gracefully around his shoulders as best he can for best balance.
Michael (Jericho): (Rothuss weaves them into a beautiful fashion statement)
Michael (Jericho): It's so frustrating that I just would rather never goes in caves
Lemon (Levi Reed): I mean it's fine. Everyone else delays, worst that happens is Levi gets hit before he can move
BOB Some people move faster than other in Int, some people are up front or in the rear and need to wait to react on their number
BOB Why is that Michael?
Shislif (MeLange): cause farts have no place to go
Rothuss Carder: What's the problem? They're just mushrooms, right? How dangerous could they be? *adjusts the 40lb plant hanging deadweight around him to a more comfortable position*
Jericho: Fuck no
MeLange: whoa language
MeLange: I don't like what these mushrooms are doing to you
Rothuss Carder: it's not fungus, it's angrygus.
Rothuss Carder: OO! Cussgus!
Lemon (Levi Reed): Can I please have a "panic" skill. I would like to roll to see if I panic.
MeLange: Hey Levi! You should get down here, think I may hear something!
MeLange: Levi you there?!
Levi Reed: Or you should get back up here so you don't die alone
MeLange: so we can die together?!
Levi Reed: I mean, if we gotta die, I want to be with you when it happens
MeLange: awww me too!
MeLange: I hope I get to watch you die first!
Levi Reed: That's creepy
Levi Reed: But same... because I don't really want to watch you die
MeLange: No it's sweet! I don't want you to have to watch me suffer, I'll take that burden for you buddy!
Levi Reed: I want us to both kick it at the exact same moment
MeLange: alright I'm coming
Michael (Jericho): I'm hurrying, please I'm trying to read fast
BOB Temperance is still on the CT because when it is her turn she bleeds one point
Lemon (Levi Reed): Take your time
BOB when she gets to negative 10 she is dead dead
BOB Relax Michael
BOB go slow and do it right is better
wyjyoon (Temperance): It's alright, Michael, don't rush! I'm having fun : )
Lemon (Levi Reed): That's what she said
Rothuss Carder: *sing song* Stand firm! Stand fast! Hit that sucker, hit it fast! Defend your friend! Make it last!
Lemon (Levi Reed): This shamble is bananas! b-a-n-a-n-a-s!
(A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that)
MeLange: V...V...Vee?
Vee Barlett: What's goin' on? Y'all passed that bug onto me. It wasn't pretty.
Jericho: In here Vee!
MeLange: Well you look great
Vee Barlett: Thanks. I usually do. So stab this thing?
Lemon (Levi Reed): I mean, we haven't had any issues with blockage tonight. We're doing fine
Lemon (Levi Reed): Other than dying I mean
Vee Barlett: Ugh, I think that thing slimmed my fingers.
Levi Reed: Nah, your fingers are still as fat as they ever were
Vee Barlett: It'd be nice if we could make this like... a shiplock, ya know? Force the water to dam up and lift us up...
Rothuss Carder: that sounds like drowning with extra steps
- The night begins with a bunch of nerding out about new features that I, Lemon, quite frankly, have limited interest in. But BOB and TMO are psyyyyyyyched.
- Rothuss heads out on his own to figure out how to get into the misty church, and he finds a path that leads up there, but, because things are never so easy, there's a landslide blocking the path. It looks deliberate. Also there's a torn cloak stuck in the rocks, but no person attached to it. Doublealso there's a path that leads down into a cave, with a lot of fast running water plunging into it. So that's not ominous at all. But footprints go down into there so it can't be THAT bad, can it? Human footprints, not monster footprints.
- Lemon logs in before Carissa.
- Levi punches Matthias a bunch because he's an easy target and can't defend himself.
- Lemon makes a joke about Carissa, and then Carissa logs in, because she's a witch.
- We leave the mule with the players with the holy shits, and Rothuss finds a fungus he thinks he can climb down. Vee helps him with some rope and there's a really intense moment of sexual tension. Then BOB springs us with this little tidbit: "About five feet below the waterfall, a bamboo-like wooden pipe is fed by the flow of water, channeling it around the cavern wall at a height of 25 feet." Now, I can't visualize this for some reason, so... someone draw me a picture or something. But anyway Rothuss makes it down into the cavern no prob. Levi and Vee follow. No one gets hurt. Suspiciously.
- Vee sees three sets of human footprints heading deeper into the cave, but over by where they lead, there are some creepy ass plants guarding the opening to the next area. Snagworts! And on the other side of the snagworts... another 30 foot drop to another cavern. But... also a door! Suspicious! We try throwing some stuff at the plants to distract them, but it doesn't work, so Rothuss decides to just go up there and try to hack at them. He gets a 10 inch 40 pound tendril attached to him for his trouble. At least they CLAIM it was 10 inches and 40 pounds, but I bet they're exaggerating. Trying to compensate for something.
- Anyway, Levi and Vee try to do some ranged attacks at the things, and fail. Levi even tries flaming arrows, but basically just wastes some arrows. The plant doesn't seem to be doing damage, just glued itself to Rothuss. Like an obnoxious little sibling. Eventually (and by eventually, I mean really quickly) Levi loses patience and just goes up there to start machete-ing them. He machetes with one hand and tries to torch them with fire with the other. Mostly he just gets another tendril attached to him. It isn't specified, but I'm assuming this tendril is overcompensating as well and is making up the same measurements.
- Rothuss and Vee hack away at the plants, and they die, but they're still attached. They will eventually fall off, but we do not yet know when.
- So then Vee is like, hmm, this door is interesting. What did you all see in the cavern before we came over here? And Levi and Rothuss were like, "The what now?" So we go back a little ways. And Vee finds a little box with a key inside. Maybe for that suspicious door! But Levi is like... shouldn't we knock before we go unlocking some stranger's door? "BOB When the key is used, the round door will open, diverting the waterfall through a side channel." Whatever that means. And then there's also a ladder, down in that second 30 foot drop, I think. We... go down that way? I don't know. But now we're at a 4-way intersection. "BOB There are non-human but maybe human footprints heading up to the NE, sounds coming from the west like wood on water"
- And we stop there.
- Look at all these quotes! See? We can still be funny, even without the two funny guys around.
Quotes of the Night
Rothuss Carder: *desperate hug* I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!
BOB I promise never to leave again..... for the length of time that Michael can remember to be quiet
[250 XP] -> Levi Reed
'Levi Reed' applied '380' experience to Ranger.
Lemon (Levi Reed): What was that for?
BOB We need to check the XP later
BOB For starting off with just the two of you, Bonus XP
BOB but it might be doing somethign funky with your 10% bonus
Lemon (Levi Reed): Ooooh, fancy
Lemon (Levi Reed): Take that, Carissa!
BOB so we can test that later
TMO (Rothuss Carder): if we leave and come back, maybe we'll get more xp?
BOB LOL
BOB and LOL
Rothuss Carder: Either of you got a rope I can tie around my waist?
Vee Barlett: Always got rope, that a real question? Come here.
Rothuss Carder: Tie me up, Cap'n!
Rothuss Carder: Oof, not so tight. We're not dating.
Vee Barlett: There. Good and tight, but ya can release it easier this way.
Vee Barlett: laughs
Vee Barlett: Gotta give me 50 year old rum to get to that kinda rope tying.
Rothuss Carder: Maybe some other time.
Rothuss Carder: Unless there's a bottle down there
Levi Reed: [SKILL] Botany [MOD:WIS] (vs. Target 13) [SUCCESS by 3] [d20 = 10]
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yay!
Lemon (Levi Reed): I rolled it up top for the fungus and failed. Then smelted. Because obviously.
Vee Barlett: yup
Vee Barlett: ooc me
TMO (Rothuss Carder): oocs Carissa
Plant tendril (Attractively lank): [ATTACK (M)] [THACO(20)] [d20 = 3]
Lemon (Levi Reed): Well, since Sharif isn't here, I'll do it
Levi Reed: That plant is attractively lank
Levi Reed: This thing is HEAVY Vee
Levi Reed: Maybe we should go back up and get MeLange to carry me
Vee Barlett: How ya gonna climb back up?
Levi Reed: Well, by "we" I meant "you"
