Blood Mother

Evil Tide - Session Summaries List

Session 2025-01-24c - 2025-01-24s?

Hey there, welcome back to a new episode of… Rolling New Characters. Kidding. Some of us are medicated, some of us are sleepy, and January just put the general collective on the Struggle Bus to God-Knows-Where.

P.S. This could be one of those sessions where the quotes might be longer than the summary.

• Quick Skim:
  • What do you do when The Planner™ admits to plotting possible Death of Character via story arc? Stage a coup, of course ;)
  • Fast forward + Doing Math for Healing.
  • Make a Plan™
  • Explore that last chamber.
  • Why is a bard leading anyway?
  • Onto land we go. Dig a hole?
  • Yay sunlight! Now everyone can conk out.
• Current Count (6): Vee, Lirt, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Temperance.
  • Melange and his muscles are out of office.
  • Ratbone needs her beauty sleep. She gets it.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 25.
  • Intermission for OH SHOOT DID WE GET THEM ALL YET.

Highlighting Bob’s Vote of Confidence (1): “I expected some Death but congratulations, none of you died!” Thanks Bob, glad we’re still alive too.

• Zora shares rations + wine, everyone sleeps, and Tempe casts Orison so everyone will be less close to dying.
• After a harrowing [ insert some measurement of time here because what is time in the caaaaavvvveees?? ], everyone’s paranoia and anxiety and survival instincts are fried. We just want Zen. Calm. How about signing up for Zumba? Nah, let’s explore that other part of the cave before we catch that Noon appointment for Yeeting Ourselves Outta Here. It’ll be chill, right?
• The positions (off of Wendy’s limited memory cells): Rothuss, Vee, Zora, Glimber, Lirt, Ratbone, Tempe?
• As we pass where we got Ambushed (PTSD alert), Roth is like “PSA everybody, I’m the type to not look both ways before crossing a street”. Vee grumbles about doing work but is nice enough to be like “hey stay left unless you wanna get flushed down into that whirlpool”.

Highlighting Bob’s Vote of Confidence (2):

• BOB: STR check, you can only fail if you roll a 20.
• Half of us: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. proceeds to roll 18s.

HAH. Suck it Bob! Kidding, we appreciate ya very much.

• Anyways, we all keep left as instructed and move into a cave chamber. It stinks of rot, and— uh oh, that’s two more humans who have been forcibly unsubscribed from Life. Also brutally mutilated as on par for the Shark Mob.
• Tempe and Roth swim over to check it out. Items and stuff that could identify the bodies have been removed, so… uh… now what? Roth spots land to the left and water to the right. Tempe’s like “we just drank potion so water”, unknowingly enabling Roth’s reckless choices.
• Roth swims over into the next chamber and finds another human who needs an epitaph. He approaches it to get a closer look, triggers some trip wire, and almost gets crushed into a salty human pancake via rocks from the ceiling.
• He’s like OH SHIZZLE STICKS and expeditiously cartwheels outta there. Zora facepalms (thief with Detect Traps here), Vee’s too tired to be anything but blasé, and Tempe tries to figure out how long ago she healed him.
  • BOB: It’s only a flesh wound. takes away half of his HP.
• Zora reasonably decides to boot Roth to somewhere else besides the front of the line. Between Glimber and Vee, the GM— I mean Universe picks Vee as the Chosen One. She’s like FIIIIINNNNEEE.
• So right side with water? Trap. Let’s go left! Vee climbs the ledge and calls Glimber over to flex his Underground Knowledge. And flex he does. What do we have? A collapsed ruin aka pile of rubble which opens up to Above Ground. Flashback to the Very Big Hole we checked out on Roth’s magic floating disc.
• So it takes 19 Man Hours to dig a hole and find the sun again, but we have 9 people so give or take 2 hours. Letting BOB do the math.

Intermission for Diggy Diggy Hole. Wendy is partial to the Orchestral Version.

• We dig and YAY VITAMIN D! We see the town and plan to temporarily ditch the Grumpy Pearl Diver Boat Driver in favor of taking poor Olmes home so that he can get some help. We let Roth bleed a little longer.
• Peace out until next week, peeps! Also BOB, abandon hope for that New Brain, it ain’t happenin.

Quotes of the Night

TMO: sorry I'm late, hope nobody died as a result
Lisa: everyone died
TMO (Rothuss Carder): oh. time to roll new?

Inv Zora Polasis: takes a long gulp of the wine and holds it out for anyone that wants some

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): why did you do that?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I didn't mean to post the whole thing, I thought it would be a link
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): TMO was trying to go read it
Lisa: oh I thought it was bob :)
BOB lol

TMO (Rothuss Carder): more blood! more blood! more blood!
BOB If you sleep and relax you get 1 point back overnight. If you are treated by a healer during the night you get 2 points back... but your healer gets zero points back and does not re-learn spells
TMO (Rothuss Carder): we'd rather have the spells thankyouverymuch
wyjyoon (Temperance): spells and some blood transfusions would be nice

Effect ['LIGHT: 60/0 continual light'] -> [EXPIRED] [on Rothuss Carder]
TMO (Rothuss Carder): it must not be so continual after all

BOB You did great to get to this point with so little damage
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol bob u sure
wyjyoon (Temperance): it was so little damage
BOB I expected at least 1 death
Spring (Ratbone Carder): 8-O
Carissa (Vee Barlett): .......glad you blieve in us
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Bob wanted to kill one of us, who's becoming too powerful?

Inv Zora Polasis: Not sure why a bard is leading anyway.
Temperance: Because he gets into things.
Inv Zora Polasis: And rocks fall on his head.
Temperance: Somehow, not an unexpected consequence.

TMO (Rothuss Carder): u go glimbs!
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): he's on the slope stuff now :)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): all downhill from here!

BOB It will take a total of 19 hours without equipment to dig out and up to the surface
BOB 19 man hours to be clear
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): that's okay the ladies would like to rest :P
BOB LOL
BOB Unless Roth wants to explore down inside of that whirlpool
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): no
TMO (Rothuss Carder): YES
TMO (Rothuss Carder): ...okay
TMO (Rothuss Carder): no

BOB Wendy will have a new brain
BOB the TMOs will be fully moved
TMO (Rothuss Carder): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
TMO (Rothuss Carder): NO
BOB grins
wyjyoon (Temperance): not brand spankin new
wyjyoon (Temperance): just workin a lil faster
wyjyoon (Temperance): hopefully

Session 2025-01-17c - 2025-01-17s?

Hello hello, welcome back to the Salty Caves. Tonight’s vibe is ‘Mm, Chuvor’ which turns into Crit Hit galore. And heads up, most of them aren’t even ours. All I can say is, I will kindly request Carissa to send Bob some lovely glitter bomb cards on my behalf, too.

P.S. Disclaimer, this one’s very lengthy.

• Quick Skim:
  • Find the Chuvor Den.
  • Keep fighting some sharkmen anyway.
  • Small intermission for some internal screaming.
  • Keep fighting the sharkmen.
• Current Count (6): Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.
  • Vee and Lirt to join in at a later time.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 14
• So we open the evening with some thinking. We want to work shmert. Which means… locate that Chuvor warehouse so we don’t have to fight as many sharkmen?
• Glimber and Rothuss get some healing, and off we go to get some Chuvor.
• The positions (off of Wendy’s limited memory cells): Melange, Rothuss, Glimber, Zora, Ratbone, Tempe?
• We filter into a chamber, and oops, we’ve interrupted nap time. There are:

1. Gigantic sleep net fitting for sharkmen.
2. 24 Giant Octopi Ink Bladders.

• Mel’s at the front and broadcasts very quietly the dangers of these fragile ink pockets. Evidently, side effects include temporary blindness.

[ROUND 7]

• Tempe’s waiting to either back up or keep movin’.
• Mel chooses forward instead of backward, and #4 is the obstacle that gets hit.
• Roth is equipped with Thing 1 and Thing 2. Sabre’s all warmed up for #16.
• Glimber and his trusty Pick goes for #6. One can never go wrong with a trusty Pick.
• Zora goes for #6 with her rapier. Worrying about those ink pockets distracts her.
• Ratbone and Olmes follow the rest into the chamber and holy heck, why are there so many??
• #11 goes for Zora with 3 scratches.
  • Bob’s CRIT (1)
• #6 retaliates with 2 scratches for Glimber.
  • Bob’s CRIT (2)
• #4 retaliates with a kitten scratch for Mel.
• #3 goes chomp scratch scratch on Roth.

[ROUND 8]

• Tempe hears commotion but can’t get through, so she steps out into the intersection as a lookout. She looks around and recalls that 2 sharks from before came from the North.
  • OOC-wise, there was a shark on the map that disappeared soon after the fight started. Wendy’s brain cells put 2 and 2 together for once, which lets her know that chambers could be connected.

Intermission: Lots of fluctuation with our dice. They’re indecisive about whether to form a union and go on strike or work on a sugar high.

• Glimber and Zora’s blades would rather not.
• Mel swings for #4. Axe needs a moment to think about whether it wishes to bestow violence.
• Roth’s double troubles become double troubles for water.
• #11 does a snap swipe claw SCRATCH swipe on Zora. Feels like some 4 second choreography of fury with how many limbs they have.
  • Bob’s CRIT (3)
• Glimber gets a CHOMP and 3 consecutive claw swipes from #6.
• #4 gives Mel a CHOMP scratch scratch.
  • Bob’s CRIT (4)
• #3 aims for Roth. It gets a claw and lethal toenails in.
• While all that hub-bub is happening at the front, Tempe is still in the intersection. But not by herself, nay. Remember the bit about the chambers being connected? Yeah, turns out a shark was hiding amongst the sharkmen, decided it felt too claustrophobic, yeeted itself around, and found Tempe to munch on.

[ROUND 9]

• Tempe decides she’ll try to handle this shark on her own. She takes out her dagger and WHOOSH. Knife skills aren’t enough to hit.
• Glimber’s lost a lot of blood and it’s affecting his aim.
• Mel’s Hyperspeed Bloodthirst Mode activates. His Axe goes all SLICE SLICE SLICE DIE SHARKMEN DIE. Seconds later, there’s two less sharkmen to deal with. Rest in pieces, #4 and #6.
• He decides to move on to #11, but his muscles require a recharge.
  • Just mentioning here that Sharif got 3 Crits in a row, that was amazing!!
• Zora is on the same struggle bus as Glimber in the sense that she’s bleeding and her rapier is on strike.
• Roth steals a bit of Mel’s bloodthirst inspiration. Sabre’s back in business baby! #3 is shark meat.

A moment to breathe as we count:

• Sharkmen Casualty: 3
• Cumulative: 17
• Surviving: #2 and #11
• Zora gets a double scratch from #11. Oof, more blood.
• #2 gets all bite and scratch happy for Rothuss like a toddler with a scratch-n-sniff sticker.
• Tempe is still being munched on by the shark.
• Pause for Headcount (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.

[ROUND 10]

• Tempe sees Vee prepping to help and moves backwards, luring the shark further and further away from the sharkmen mob skirmish. She gets annoyed that the shark keeps biting her though, and gives it a smol shank.
• Glimber moves over a sharkman corpse to stab #11. Blood loss doesn’t do him any favors.
• Vee waves her wand for some friendship bracelet sorcery. Shark goes heck no. Vee takes offense and vows to stab it.
• Mel’s muscles are slowly recharging. Axe swings twice and results in one slice for #11.
• Zora’s rapier does not want to work today.
• Roth’s sabre is more awake than its dagger counterpart. It goes SLASH on #2.
• With her rapier temporarily checked out, Zora gets 3 claw slashes from #11.
  • Double Crit (6) from Bob.
• #2 does a CHOMP scratch SCRATCH for Roth, which puts him at low battery.
• Shark has a fun time ignoring Vee’s peace offering and munching on Tempe. It gets so happy in fact that it clamps its jaws on her and swings her around like a chew toy.

[ROUND 11]

• Tempe is like heck you, get off me! and tries to stab it. Emphasis on tries.

Intermission to highlight Bob attempting to make us feel better by saying you’re almost hitting! Emphasis on almost. As if we can do anything to control the dice. LOL Thanks Bob for the positive vibes.

• Glimber is strugglin out here, guys.
• Vee goes all BAD SHARK and stabs it to get it to drop Tempe. Trident goes Stab. Good start.
• Mel’s muscles are wanting to sleep.
• Zora probably wants to sleep off this nightmare too.
• Roth is swimming in his blood at this point, but he wants to add some shark blood to the mix. Very hygienic, right? He goes for #3 and Sabre’s like BLOOD YES MORE BLOOD.

Intermission to honorably mention the accidental re-murder of the already murdered #3.

• #11 gets a smol scratch in for Mel.
• #2 is like so long suckas, I’m out! Roth and Glimber both go for it, but Glimber is angrier and goes overboard with his Pick. Don’t mess with gnomes (3).

A moment to breathe as we count (2):

• Casualty: 4
• Cumulative: 18
• Surviving: #11

[ROUND 12]

• Tempe is still stuck and still trying to stab this shark so she can get out.
• Glimber finds his footing with his Footman’s Pick, and works on #11.
• Vee swings her Trident and STABS.
• Mel’s muscles want to quit this extended workout session.
• Rothuss tries to decide if he wants to risk getting punched by Ratbone post-healing.
• #11 yeets itself away. Glimber and Mel both go for it, but it narrowly escapes.

[ROUND 13]

• Tempe’s getting frustrated with being this sea creature’s chew toy. She double stabs it in the mouth.
• Glimber chases after #11 and finishes it off… only to find that he’s now in the entryway to the next chamber and there are 3 more. Thing is, he needs a battery recharge too. He screams for help.
• Vee hears yelling somewhere but is too busy disciplining her new pet shark. She goes shank shank, but it’s not enough for shark to give up.
• Mel’s like leave Glimber alone! and runs into the next chamber. He slashes the first one he sees. Hello, #1.

A moment to breathe as we count (3):

• Casualty: 5
• Cumulative: 19
• Surviving: #1, #9, #10, #13, #15, #19
• Zora’s rapier is having an identity crisis.
• Rothuss and Ratbone are having some sibling to sibling dialogue. Rothuss wants to help. Ratbone calls out the insanity by reminding him of his mortality. Swimming in your own blood is an expensive sport.

[ROUND 14]

• Tempe is wondering when this shark will perish and keeps whittling away at it with her dagger.
• Vee goes SLASH SLASH with her Trident. Surprise! Shark’s all fattened up from eating so much, so it still has a couple more before it keels over.
• Meanwhile, Mel’s Axe goes SLICE. Bye #1. Another slice releases some blood from #10.
• Glimber loses his footing and his Pick doesn’t quite hit.
• Roth, who is currently in temporary time out for his blood loss, looks around. He thinks Ink Pocket might help confuse sharkmen during retreat, so he removes one and readies himself.
• #19 gets to Glimber with its Trident, and he’s out for the count.

[ROUND 15]

• Shark takes another bite outta Tempe. She considers stabbing it, but decides to trust Vee to handle her life.
• Vee repays that trust by going overboard with the shark. Carissa’s dice may have had a spasm, but after a series of SHANK SHANK DIE SHARK DIE, shark is Very Dead. She gives Tempe some pointers on stabbing, and Tempe tries to listen while wiping blood off her arm. The two decide to rejoin all the screaming and the yelling.
• Zora and Mel decide this is too many sharks to handle for 2 people. Zora binds Glimber and preps to duck out as Mel watches her back.
• Meanwhile, Roth swims towards the entrance between two chambers, ready to commit some hit and run as he sees fit.

[ROUND 16]

• Tempe drinks a dose of the healing potion and waits for Vee to move.
• Vee teleports to the other chamber to try and surprise attack the sharkmen from behind. #9 is no match for her SHANK SHANK. Goodbye.
• Mel and Zora are having a hard time with #10.
• Roth still lies in wait for his operation Ink Bomb.
• Ratbone is making sure Olmes doesn’t become toast… er, fish food.
• #19 gives Mel a shank with its own Trident. Oof.
  • Bob CRIT (7)
• #15 turns around to shank Vee back. A shank for a shank, tit for tat, yeah?
  • Bob CRIT (8)

Intermission for internal scream session + headcount (4):

• Sharkmen Casualty: 7
• Cumulative: 21
• Surviving: #10, #13, #15, #19

[ROUND 17]

• Tempe swims into the chamber with the ink pockets and wow, look at all the blood.
• Vee gets so upset that Carissa’s dice feel it and spaz out. A single shank is all it takes for #10 to go bye bye.
• #19 and #15 each aim for Mel and Vee. Shank for a shank, as they say.
• Mel wants to slice it back but muscles say NOPE.
• Zora’s rapier is trolling her.

[ROUND 18]

• Tempe hears the commotion and decides to wait and see if her friends will run back to safety.
• Vee stabs #15 back and gives it a middle finger while she’s at it.
• Mel’s Axe is officially checked out. He needs to swim back, stat.
• Zora gets so fed up she shows her rapier who’s boss. #19 happens to be at the other end.
• #15 attacks Vee back.

[ROUND 19]

• Tempe keeps a mental count of how many spells she can cast and decides to sacrifice one for Chant.
• Through all the hub-bub, we miss out on the conversation about Ratbone’s Audible Glamer spell. It has to do with sound, so it could be used as a distraction, maybe?
• Vee channels her anger the healthy way. You know, by stabbing your enemies to death. She spit on its corpse, per se, but logistically… I agree with the blob of spit floating around in the water. Bye #15, don’t come back.
• As Mel retreats towards Roth and drinks a healing potion to save himself, Zora goes over to stab #19. Heck yes, Rapier back in business, baby!
• Vee finishes off #19 and EVERYTHING’S OVER YAY
• From this struggle, we get:
  • (14) Shark Mob Tridents
  • (12) pouches of Chuvor.
• Lots of healing is involved, note to check HP levels next session. Let’s hope we regroup somehow and yeet ourselves outta here on that noon boat.

Intermission for final headcount (5):

• Sharkmen Casualty: 10
• Cumulative: 24
• Surviving: #13? Or am I just hallucinating now?

Ratbone Rhymes

Will return when not busy trying to survive.

Quotes of the Night

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): can I fight with my eyes closed so I don't get blinded?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): can you blind yourself so you don't get blinded?

Shislif (MeLange): ok I'm off to vegas yall
BOB Carissa you brought in an amazing string of luck
Shislif (MeLange): Carissa let's go to Vegas :)

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): can tempe do a str check to escape? BOB Bend Bars check
wyjyoon (Temperance): um
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): low odds or stab
wyjyoon (Temperance): i have no bend bars
wyjyoon (Temperance): so stab
BOB Technically you have a 2% bend bars
wyjyoon (Temperance): like i said
wyjyoon (Temperance): i have no bend bars

TMO (Rothuss Carder): UUUNdead Shark dooo doo doodoo

Rothuss Carder: I think we need to back them up...
Ratbone Carder: I think you need to shut up and metabolize or something
Rothuss Carder: Am I delirious, or did you say 'metabolize'?
Ratbone Carder: You need to keep the blood IN your body, doofus
Rothuss Carder: Well, it's floating all around me, so I'm in my blood instead of it being in me..
Ratbone Carder: I know it's in the water, I've got cooties now

TMO (Rothuss Carder): Be undigestable Tempe!
wyjyoon (Temperance): am trying!

Carissa (Vee Barlett): how is it not dead yet???????????????????????????

TMO (Rothuss Carder): IMMortal SHARK doo doo dodoo

TMO (Rothuss Carder): throws his InkBlot Bladder at Bob. RUN FRIENDS, WHILE HE CAN'T SEE THE KEYBOARD!

Carissa (Vee Barlett): if you jinx us I swear to all things holy

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): thank you!
wyjyoon (Temperance): rest in pieces
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yarrr
TMO (Rothuss Carder): HUZZAH

Session 2025-01-10c - 2025-01-10s

Hey there, welcome back to A Rise in Sodium Content! We are marinating in salt, both physically and emotionally, as a soul-crushing remix of Baby Shark plays in the background. Disclaimer, this one’s gonna be pretty lengthy. Why do anthropomorphic sharks take so long to kill anyway?

• BGM of the Evening: TMO’s apt recommendation Battle in the Briny Deep.
• Quick Skim:
  • Build a Plan™ (1)
  • Hey Siri, how likely is it that we’ll yeet ourselves outta here?
  • Hey Siri, why does Chuvor have so many letters?
  • Hello, it’s Hangry Shark.
  • Shank for Chuvor (1)
  • Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
  • Build a Plan™ (2)
  • Shank for Chuvor (2)
• Current Count (8): Vee, Lirtimya (!), Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.
• The night starts off with some planning because no one wants to die, obviously. A vicious cycle of trying to prevent death as we die a little inside, but what’s D&D without 25 minutes of planning, right?
• Our Designated Braincell is back in business, baby! Huzzah to Lirt! She discovers:

1. the Water Breathing Potions do allow spell casting.
2. the Water Breathing Potions do NOT affect other underwater things, which means that we can breathe and talk and cast and all that, but we don’t get any enhancements with swimming, ability to ignore high pressure, etc. Bob discusses the mechanics behind all that, please reference back to chat log, ty.
3. the Sea Devils are totally ok with 2000 feet under the sea.
4. Gnomes/Halflings can handle 200 feet.

• So playing hero means either drowning to death or being flattened out like a salty pancake under pressure. We need the Chuvor that Olmes was so territorial about. And where did Olmes get this Chuvor? Why, stole it from the Shark Mobsters, of course! They were having too much fun massacring the rest of his team to notice.
• Considering our original goal was to make sure we return all the green stone figurines so the Shark People were NOT pissed off anymore, this new plan changes the course of things.
• Magical Item Note! “Chuvor”:

1. Full name Elasmobranchuvor, which is not enough alphabet letters for a magical item that won’t let you physically or mentally crack under pressure.
2. 1 pouch ≈ 2 doses. 1 dose = 12 hours. So 1 pouch ≈ 24 hours. We have 7 humans + 1 gnome. This is too much math, bye. I tried.
3. Not all pouches are going to guarantee Chuvor. You could get lucky and find 2 doses full, or it could be empty.

• So TL;DR, our choices are:
  • A - Stabby stab and shanky shank the Shark Mobsters to try and get enough Chuvor.
  • B - Peace out now and leave Potentate to deal with this.
• We are choosing to push through with option A for now, but fair warning: someone is going to want to GTFO and leave the Island to its fate.
• Ok goodbye planning fatigue.
• Rothuss wakes up when the Trident venom wears off. We really need an actual name for this venom. What did we say it was from? Sea Urchin? Whatever. Anyway, Tempe heals him in the hopes that he won’t be the first to die on the front lines, and counts on her spell slots to be enough to prevent anyone else from imminent death.
• She also mentions that Rothuss has the Sea Elf Bracers that he can try on himself, and suggests Lirt to check them out.
• Magical Item Note! Bracers:

1. Have some protection (AC)
2. Have some sort of Conversion magic for breathing

• Heads and tails up, y’all, there’s a shark! And no, it’s not the anthropomorphic one on steroids. Just an actual shark that is, predictably, searching for food.
• Mother, I require Sustenance (says the Shark, probably):

Due to limited space, lots of holding is involved which results in confusion of who goes when etc.

• Vee’s the only one in the water, which is great! She loves to stab. But she also likes sharks, so she parries it and hopes it eats the Shark Mob behind it.
• Tempe, Zora, Glimber, and Lirt observe from afar.
• Rothuss jumps in the water as backup and waits for a good time to actually do the stabbing. He does not turn into a Sea Elf.

[ROUND 19]

• Tempe and Zora both realize that Abyss is a pathway for Evil. Tempe is like heck that, I have Holy Water and casts Protection of Evil on herself.
• Vee moves back a little and shanks Shark 3 with her Trident. Wow, look at all the shark blood.
• Zora bides her time to strike like the wise brain cell she is.
• Rothuss takes his sabre to Shark 3 and… trips over Vee’s foot.
• Ratbone takes her knife and shanky-shanks Shark 3 from the shore.
• Lirt decides to think twice about using her own knife.
• Rothuss switches to double trouble and thankfully, one hits Sharkman 14! Somehow it’s always his Main-gauche for the water caves, dunno how much of a coincidence that is.
• Vee and Sharkman 8 both attack Shark 3. They both miss.
• Sharkman 20 and 12 also attack Shark 3, probably to yeet him outta the way, but they MISS. Excuse me Shark, could you give us some of your luck before you run away or perish? Thanks.

The time is 11:20 AM

[ROUND 20]

• Ratbone judges that being close to the jaws of a shark + tridents of Shark Mobsters is No Bueno. She tells Olmes to back the heck up and together they move away a safe distance.
• Tempe jumps into the water to be the holy wall for the abyss. Her eyeballs don’t notice much.
• Glimber gets enough space to do some SHANKing on Sharkman 8. It’s some good quality shanking. Vee would be proud.
• Vee follows suit and shanks Sharkman 14. Got a nice shanking duo goin!
• Zora decides to watch the Abyss with Tempe. Her instincts tingle, telling her the Universe might take an easy way in via some unknown loophole.
• Sharkman 14 gets mad and shanks Vee back.
• Rothuss backs Vee up and stabs Sharkman 14 with his more awake Sabre. Rest in pieces, Sharkman.
• Sharkman 12 thinks Shark is in the way of getting him to his delectable human morsels. Rest in peace, shark. Vee, in typical Vee fashion, swears vengeance in the name of Shark Blood.
• Sharkman 8 works his way in on Glimber.
• Sharkman 20 dives “around the dead one and then just furiously CLAW CLAW BITE CLAW CLAW at Rothuss”. Yeah... not gonna elaborate on this.
• Tempe is on the other end, guarding the Abyss. So far it’s peaceful for her.
• Glimber takes his Pick shanks again to Sharkman 8. This time it’s only a smol shank.

[ROUND 21]

• 14 is Dead (1).
• Vee switches over her revenge plan to Sharkman 20. Ready, aim, Shank! Solid, 8/10.
• Mel swings his Axe, which goes SWISH through the water.
• Zora scooches to the tip of the ledge and stretches as far as her stretchy self will go for Sharkman 8. Rapier says it’s too far.
• Lirt tries her hand at Cantrip. Magic says office hours are closed.
• Rothuss can’t tell if the blood floating in the water is his, the shark’s, or the Sharkmen’s. Probably all three. He cartwheels over to Tempe and asks for healing. #20 is focused on other morsels.

[ROUND 22]

• Sharkman 8 goes for Glimber again. Oof, Glimber will be next in line for healing.
• Tempe doesn’t see Rothuss coming, but reaches over with one hand behind her to try and not have him bleed so much. Apparently she can’t protect and heal effectively at the same time.
• Glimber gets angry and SHANKS Sharkman 8 back TWICE. Not dead yet, but that one’s a heckin 9/10. Don’t mess with gnomes.
• Vee gets annoyed at all the sharkman crowding her space. Her Trident SHANK SHANKs through Sharkman 20. It is now past tense.
• Mel goes over to attack Sharkman 8 and accidentally steps on Glimber in all the chaos. His little whoopsie distracts him a little, but his second strike is enough. Bye bye Shark, doo doo doo-to-doo…
  • Glimber’s definitely the Fire Urchin from Surf’s Up.
• Zora cannot reach from her ledge, so she saves up her energy.
• Lirt’s Cantrip distracts Sharkman 12. I imagine it summons a glitter-filled howler and explodes glitter as it screams. Kidding.
• Rothuss swims over back to the rest to help with the last of them. Ratbone gives him the judgmental side eye.
• 14 is dead (2)

[ROUND 23]

• Ratbone’s judgmental side eye (and facepalm) is correct. Blood loss doesn’t do well for Rothuss. Neither are dead yet, but the 12 he attacks Reverse Unos him and nets him instead.
• Tempe looks back, lets out a long sigh, and hopes everyone else with sharp thingamajigs will help.
• Glimber uses his Pick and stabs Sharkman 12.
• Vee definitely withholds a lot of snarky quips and puts Sharkman 12 out of its misery with her trident.

• Is it Chuvor Time? I think it’s Chuvor Time. Cumulative 40 or under on a d100, or 10% per Sea Devil. Sharif rolls a 41, which Wendy thinks is close enough for a pouch with at least one dose, but ok.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 9
• So let’s go shank more buff Sharkmen? Everyone’s pretty ok besides Rothuss and Glimber. But we can’t stay in the same spot because it’s a tactical disadvantage, so we swim to a different spot, healing as we go. Rothuss takes some healing potion, which leaves Tempe with one more saved slot for another day.
• A couple drawings and shifting of tokens later, Tempe heals Glimber, and everyone is somewhat in a place where they may statistically die later than sooner.
• Current Strategy: Hold and Wait.

[ROUND 1]

• Melange spots buff Sharkman 17 ahead and swings his Axe. It goes SWISH through the water.
• Lirt decides on Cantrip to distract 17.
• Rothuss is behind Glimber and waiting to strike.
• Ratbone stands alert, ready to make her move whenever necessary.
• Glimber goes for Shark 2 with his Footman’s Pick. And thus there’s blood in the water yet again.
• Vee swings her Trident to guard Glimber from possible shark teeth implants and tells Shark 2 to shoo.
• Intermission: It is at this point that we belatedly discover that Melange does not have any armor because you can’t wear Splint Mail under the sea. Which means… use the heck outta that +3 Buckler, sir.

[ROUND 2]

• Tempe takes the rear with her Protection against Evil spell still up and running. So far, nothing of significance comes crawling to test her boundaries.
• Glimber continues chipping away at the shark and makes good progress.
• Vee gives Glimber a helping hand. Two stabs from her Trident later, and Shark 2 is dead.
• Despite being armor-less, Mel holds his own with Sharkman 17. 2 swings is all it takes for almost-death.
• Lirt thinks twice about casting Lightning Bolt and saves us all from rebuilding a character.
• Carder Duo wait for their moment to strike. Rothuss requests a status update from Glimber.
• Meanwhile, Sharkman 18 wants the Dead Shark outta the way.
• Current Sharkmen: #5, 7, 11, 16, 17, 18

[ROUND 3]

• Glimber turns his attention to Sharkman 18. Pick serves him well.
• Vee shanks Sharkman 17 like a fork upsetting a fried fish fillet at the dinner table. Goodbye 17.
• Mel’s axe gets inspired. It goes for Sharkman 5 with haste and yep, that’s blood alright.
• Sharkmen 7 and 5 go for Melange. No dice.
• 18 tries to take a nip out of Glimber. Gnome moves quick.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 10
• Sharkmen Left: #5, 7, 11, 16, 18

[ROUND 4]

• Zora, Lirt, and the Carder Duo keep an eye out. Tempe chills out at the back, making sure nothing gets them from behind.
• Sharkman 7, 5, and 18 all swish around trying to get a morsel. No luck.
• Glimber gets tired and loses grip on his Pick for a moment.
• Vee takes care of Sharkman 5 with two stabs of her Trident. Goodbye #5.
• Mel’s Axe doesn’t seem to like this new environment. It wants to drink margaritas on the beach instead of swinging at buff Sharkman dudes UNDER the sea.
• Lirt waits for her chance.
• Rothuss throws a bit of Mockery at the Sharkmen Collective. Not to be confused with Vicious Mockery, which is apparently an actual spell.
• Ratbone watches her brother taunt the Sharkmen and hopes karma doesn’t bite him back.
• And karma almost does bite— er, net him. 18’s net doesn’t do the job though.
• 7 follows suit with Melange to no avail.
• 16 takes one look at Glimber and goes STAB. Oof, lots of blood there.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 11
• Sharkmen Left: #7, 11, 16, 18

[ROUND 5]

• Tempe’s still chillin’.
• Glimber’s like heck you 16 but then STABS 18 instead.
• Vee finishes it off with another stab of her Trident. Goodbye 18.
• Rothuss inquires Glimber’s status. Melange answers as blood splatters out of #7 and onto his trusty Axe.
• Rothuss scooches around our gnome friend and swings his blades at #16. They say excuse you, give us some prep time before you swing us around a buff Sharkman, thanks.
• #7 is upsetti spaghetti and tries to trap Mel. The net refuses.
• #16 yeets his net towards Rothuss and hopes for the best. The best is a miss.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 12
• Sharkmen Left: #7, 11, 16

[ROUND 6]

• They say you never forgive and never forget the wrongs of another. Glimber gives what he got from #16. Solid.
• Two shanks from Vee’s Trident, and #16 is past tense.
• Meanwhile, Melange swings for #7 with his Axe. First swing goes through water, but the second one is a home run, aka one more Sharkman added to the pile.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 14
• Sharkmen Left: #11.
• So where did #11 go again? We loot the Sharkmen corpses for Chuvor. Nothing. I guess that means we peace out on the abyss or keep killing. Maybe on the off chance, fortune may favor the bold and we miraculously stumble upon their Chuvor pile.

Ratbone Rhymes

None to be found, too busy killing sharks on steroids. Will return soon.

Quotes of the Night

wyjyoon: so sadly vee will not turn into a mermaid, got it :)
Carissa: :(
TMO: Rothuss can try stapling a fish tail on her after taking her legs off
Carissa: he wouldn't get past the first cut before she shanked him
TMO: nonono - she'd *volunteer*! It's her best chance to become a mermaid!
Carissa: *stab*

BOB so the next portion is a combo of hating caves and hating the potential to drown AND hating the idea of being crushed by pressure
BOB and as always yes you can go away and never come back leaving the poor Potentate to her fate

Carissa: I'm going to include one of those confetti filled never shuts up joke cards when I send bob wine for this
wyjyoon: i just imagined one of those howlers from harry potter just screaming at bob with maximum enthusiasm
Carissa: that PLUS glitter

Spring (Ratbone Carder): great big shark doo doo doo-to-doo

BOB Lisa is hogging all the brain cells tonight

Spring (Ratbone Carder): lucky shark doo doo doo-to-doo

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): bob is making me paranoid - zora will hold to see how it goes
Carissa (Vee Barlett): bob? make us paranoid? neverrrr
wyjyoon (Temperance): he makes sure we have proper survival / overthinking skills up to par :)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): my anxiety does that enough already, I don't need his help

BOB 14 is dead
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): 14 is dead
BOB 14 is dead
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): why does everyone think 14 is alive?

Carissa (Vee Barlett): no the other 20

Vee Barlett: Go help Glimbs, Mel
MeLange: where is he?!?!
Vee Barlett: Right under ya

Vee Barlett: Now don't let the one behind find Glimbs. Block 'em with those hard abs of yers!
MeLange: That's what they're there for!

wyjyoon (Temperance): whoa
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): hey!
BOB chuckles
Carissa (Vee Barlett): and now you get to fix that too! yay!
TMO (Rothuss Carder): RUDE
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): LOL

TMO (Rothuss Carder): NO, JTOM, YOU MAY NOT CAST LIGHTNING BOLT

Session 2025-01-03c - 2025-01-03s

It’s 2025… in the cAAAAves! Courtesy of Ratbone / Spring from last session. Happy New Year, everyone! Is the moral of the story ‘be careful what you wish for in case you accidentally drown’ or ‘don’t test your GM when he builds the Plans™’?

• Current Count (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Tempe, Melange.
  • We miss our one singular designated Brain Cell.
• Quick Skim of the Night:

1. Ooo, look at them pretty mushrooms! Plus that pretty green wall.
2. Shark Mob! (1)
3. Oh, hello. Those are lonely bones. And mollusks? And that pretty green wall.
4. Shark Mob! (2)
5. Hello, that’s a survivor.
6. Into the Abyss?

• Zora does the responsible thing and tells Julia where we’re headed. She hands off 3 gold, requests a nice prayer for the rest of us as we go off to see what the heck is up with those underwater caverns.
• The first cavern is filled with some glow-in-the-dark fungi. Some of us wish for samples, but the water is being weird and circulating around instead of being still. We better explore that since we’re on the water breathing potion time crunch, so shiny shrooms will be a later thing.
• Rothuss finds a tunnel of some sort under the water, and we all follow his lead. Two tunnels! Left or right? He turns left, and we run into 3 bouncers of the Shark Mob Hideout. Evidently humans aren’t part of the VIP exclusive club.

Note: Lots of holding is involved due to limited space.

• Shark Mob (1)
  • Rothuss decides to say hello to Bouncer #2 via Sabre. Sabre says No.
  • Vee demonstrates how to deliver a proper hello blow via Trident. Bouncer #1 is the unfortunate collateral.
  • Bouncer #3’s defense mechanism is Net. It is ineffective against Vee.
  • Bouncer #2 doesn’t appreciate Rothuss’ greeting. Net is an unsuccessful response.
  • Ratbone takes a knife to shank. Shark stabbing is trickier than expected.
  • Zora and Glimber move closer to assist if necessary.
• Tempe decides it’s not going to help to try to squeeze herself in with five other people in that tight space. She backs out to give more space and finds another… uh, cavern? Chamber? Different cave room because what is vocabulary. And hey, there’s air in there! She tries to communicate that across, and Glimber is able to hear her over the shark shanking.
  • Rothuss shows Bouncer #2 what it means to be ambidextrous. It is very effective!
  • Vee’s like “alright stop showing off” and delivers the final bye bye to #2.
• Tempe swims further in to check it out. Other than air, there’s more glowy fungi! Let’s bookmark this for later? Maybe pencil it in after we’re not in a water breathing time crunch?
  • Bouncer #3 manages to get his claws on Vee. Not deep, but irritating.
  • Ratbone tries to get in some knife action with #3. Knife goes nah.
  • Rothuss goes for double trouble again for #2. Sabre is tired, but Main-gauche is enough! Bye bye #2.
  • Vee is pissed off that #3 clawed her and shows it with her Trident. That extra stab was personal.
• Shark Casualty: 3
• Tempe rejoins to report what she’s found, and we keep swimming hopefully on schedule! We swim into a place with multiple pathways. Personally, it looks like a gingerbread man if you zoom out. There’s an elevated island thingy towards the north, surrounded by water, where a pile of skulls lie all safe and dry. There’s also a pretty green rock thingy towards the south.
• Group splits just a tad to check out the different hot spots.
  • Vee, Ratbone, and Glimber towards the pretty green rock.
  • Zora and Rothuss towards the pile of skulls.
  • Tempe stays near the entrance, just in case something pops up from behind.
• Updates from the Skull Unit:
  • There are only skulls. No rest of the skeleton, which means… the sharks separated the bodies from the heads. Oof. There’s six, which is way less than the number that Lychelle took with her. Rothuss collects the skulls carefully in his pack, with suggestions from the two churchy folk.
  • He then goes to check out the ledge closer to him. It is very dry.
  • Meanwhile, Zora checks the area for traps. A pile of rocks look sus. She’s like “implement social distancing, could be a shark den”.
• Updates from the Green Rock Unit:
  • It’s so pretty Glimber grabs a chunk for himself and Vee. The two also try to compare whether the rock matches the statue’s color. Vee decides it’s too pretty to be similar.
  • Vee decides mollusks are more interesting than the rock. She opens one, but no pearl.
  • There’s a ledge near her too, so she goes to check it out. And oh hello, are those human prints?
  • Vee calls over everybody to check it out with her. Ratbone and Tempe respond to her yelling, and they go scope it out.
  • The three follow a narrow dry path and find another human, by the name of Olmes. Wendy swears it’s the guy from the docks that led us to Uther the Pearl Grump, but details. From the way he’s mumbling about Sea Devils and waving a knife at Vee, it’s clear he’s mentally scarred from the Shark Mob. Yeah, no sane person would wave anything sharp at Vee.
  • Vee’s usual charisma and diplomacy have been marinated in sea water. Tempe summons a bit of Zora’s goodwill into her and— whoa, it works! He still looks like he’d pounce at the first thing that looks at him sideways, but he’s more willing to talk after some healing and nice calming Ratbone music.
  • After an unwilling game of 20 questions that no one wanted, the three find out that: 1) we probably have lots of sharks to go through, 2) the sharks ate most of their party and dragged Lychelle off into some deeper place, and 3) he has a very important thing called Chuvor that lets him breathe.
  • He tags along to save his friend from a terrible fate that may have already befallen.
• We all become one again, with a new guy in tow! We pick a tunnel and follow Rothuss into it. As we expect, we run into one of the beefed up sharks. Zora and Rothuss hear it coming, but OH HO there’s a trap that splashes things into the water to alert everyone in the area. And by everyone, we mean the 27 or so sharks left. Good thing we’ve been keeping a tally.
• Shark Mob (2)
  • Rothuss uses speed to his advantage. Double trouble doesn’t quite work, but Main-gauche emanates main character energy. #2 gets a solid blow.
  • Zora doesn’t want Rothuss running off alone, so she goes after him and takes on #1. Rapier doesn’t quite meet her expectations.
  • Glimber uses his fun-sized physique to get closer.
  • One of the sharks (not quite sure which one) swims away, so Rothuss follows it to try to finish it off.
  • #2 shanks Rothuss with its venom Trident and oof, it’s involuntary sleep.
  • Tempe moves a little closer towards the scuffle as a closer source of healing.
  • Vee is most likely staying put to assess the situation.
  • Ratbone gets worried about her brother, but sticks close to Olmes to make sure he’s gonna be a-okay.
  • Zora and Glimber tag-team #1 with their Rapier and Pick. Bye bye shark.
  • Mel waves his Battle Axe at #2. Another solid blow.
  • #3 calls for back-up.
  • Mel’s Axe gets all violent and that’s bye bye for #2.
  • Glimber yeets Rothuss onto some land so he’s not on some water breathing potion countdown.
  • Zora and Vee both discuss whether to go on a wild goose chase down the sharkman hole full of sharkman.
    • Vee: go chase and massacre.
    • Zora: That’s crazy work.
• We prep for the worst, get Ratbone and Olmes to move in closer into the loopty loop fountain whatever. The other frontliners aka Zora and Melange move over to the little shore Rothuss got yeeted on. Tempe, Ratbone, Olmes, and Vee join them to assess the situation.
• Evidently, the shore has some place to tie people up on. Not surprised, considering the human skull we saw before. Zora spots a fissure below the water, which Olmes can remember is where the sharkman took Lychelle after their feast of the other humans.
• Shark Casualty: 5
• Next on cAAAAves! : Into the abyss to meet and greet the 25 or more other anthropomorphic sharks that may be waiting there.

Ratbone Rhymes

Poor sad old bones, lonely old bones
Poor sad lonely bones far from home


My fine, fine friend, how fine to see you again
What time we'll spend, my fine fine friend
Let's wine, my friend, let time never end
Let's dine my friend, we have the time to spend


Quotes of the Night

BOB Sorry for that, "don't you want to come eat with us? " NO I have a game
Carissa (Vee Barlett): who is us? I'll come eat with you nyrma!

Glimber Silvernose: swims away from Vee so mushrooms don't fall on his head with all her poking
BOB Vee make that check
Carissa (Vee Barlett): what check?
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): poking check
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): fungal poking

BOB Very well
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): i so hate very well
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): my least favorite bob phrase
Carissa (Vee Barlett): mine is OK followed by Very Well followed by "Sorry quick who wants to go first?"
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): yes the allcap OK is generally bad news

Rothuss Carder: [d20 = 20]
BOB No guards swim through the area
TMO (Rothuss Carder): gold falls from the sky
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): so high all the enemies died of fright

Carissa (Vee Barlett): she yars so much she got confused with her words

TMO (Rothuss Carder): MeLange drops from the ceiling onto the sahuagin and breaks its neck…

BOB and no to Melange being spiderman

Carissa (Vee Barlett): glad walls aren't yelling at me

Session 20241227c - 20241227s

Welcome back to another round of Derailing The Builder’s Plans™! The last one of 2024, as I am now realizing. Which means next week we’re entering the new year with HAVE WE NOT CAVED ENOUGH? Courtesy of TMO. Loving the all caps vibe.

Also as a P.S., thank you to Lisa for catching that thing about the Deep Mother and the Throne of Teeth, whatever terrifying prophetic riddle that is. Because Wendy absolutely did not.

• So after the situation with the Sharkman Flash Mob and going through that whole thing with Museio the Sea Elf, we sleep like we’re dead. Marla the Pier Warden wants us to get our bones moving though. (Im)Potentate aka Her Mom wants to meet us.
• Our current count (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Melange, ( Rothuss ), Ratbone, ( Tempe )!
  • Yay, nice to see ya Sharif!
  • TMO and Wendy join a little later :)
  • We miss our one singular designated Brain Cell.
• So off we go to the building of stone! Potentate Kara Rynnow is waiting for us in a conference room nicely decorated with sea nymph + other sea creature statues. There’s a map of the Island hanging on the wall.
• Potentate is like “thank goodness you’re here” and then proceeds to give a poetic speech about the Island’s troubles like this is a therapy session that’ll solve all her problems. There were some paragraphs that Bob probably cntrl c + cntrl v, but tl;dr:

1. Seaquake → Chasm opens
2. Lots of fish, hooray!
3. Salvager / Scavenger Lychelle goes into the chasm with a team and brings back some figurine of a sea snake? Which could be Very Important to the Sharkman, fyi.
4. Oh no, the Sharkman Mob!

• To which we respond with various solutions such as:

  a.) Uh, give back the figurine, maybe?
  b.) Capture one alive and talk?

• Vote now on your phones!
• Which goes to say, this all seemed to have happened because one lady decided to take something that wasn’t hers. Maybe common sense isn’t so common, but you know what they say. Don’t touch whatever isn’t yours.
• And then the Potentate is like “100 pearls for you guys to clean up this mess”. Nice reward, but you know what they also say? If it ain’t your toilet, it ain’t your sh*t.

Inserting Wendy Bird Note (01/09): TMO made a pretty good point in Discord about the fact that we also loot as a party. And yes, we DID sell most of it, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact that was all loot from people / creatures that have gone to Rest in Peace. And the profit doesn’t go back to the people / creatures that we got the stuff off of, which... I dunno, gets me thinking too deep about it. Is looting a common thing? If it is, then maybe it IS common sense that we touch whatever isn’t ours. Maybe the vibe’s gotta be mi casa es su casa, except with... stuff? I have to keep reminding myself that Bob’s universe plays by different rules. And that I would also take the knife off of a trout if a trout somehow developed opposable thumbs to grip said knife. Anyways, super great mini discussion! Back to the summary! :)

• Vee hears “caves” and gets a nightmare flashback. Which, fair. We’re totally over it too. But Zora has enough respectable and honorable bones in her body, and says we should help if they need it. Literally two sisters from the same mister, yet so hella different. Hard not to love this dynamic.
• Potentate is like “go find the wizard for some extra help”. Enter Nod, the apprentice. Yep, that’s actually his name. Moment of silence for all the Nod puns that’ll ensue.
• Vee’s like FIIINNNEEE and then requests for more rewards for this clean-up expedition. And not to be sus about everything, but (Im)Potentate responds with… silence, so Wendy doubts there’s going to be anything extra.
• Anyways, back to Barbara to the scene of “This Mess”™. We pay Lychelle’s place a visit so we can talk to her dad, who is anxious about his MIA daughter. Gonna say MIA because not sure she’s past tense yet. But we get some Lychelle lore and the problematic statues that we take into custody to hopefully return. It’s a real Oprah moment, except you get a statue.
• So now we gotta make a pit-stop to The Chasm, where we proceed to fail all our rolls. Yeah… Vee wasn’t kidding about this venture being a curse. We decide to come back later when the dice are feeling better.
• So let’s be off, to see the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Follow the yellow brick road to the Last House, and you’ll find a rugged old man named Laurish Samprey who looks more like a pirate than a wizard. His portrait is super cool, ngl. He has an otter familiar named Scratch, which… okay, but it’s more friendly than the hormonally angry messes we met at that one river / lake whatever, so we chill.
• He seems generous, which lifts our spirits a little bit. Because after sea caves and chasms we be heckin pressed.
  • We have received: Water Breathing Potions (4 doses per bottle) + A Swimming Proficiency Ring!
  • Water Breathing Potions are 1 hour (60 rounds) + extra 1d10 rounds. Too many numbers but I think I got em?
• Anyways, back to the Cursed Chasm. Hello Rothuss! Apparently he has a spell that’ll create a gigantic magical frisbee able to defy gravity. Cool! Tempe volunteers as tribute because she’s getting less cautious. Vee gets to do some proper sailor knots on her to make sure that there’s some contingency. In case… well, the frisbee from Aladdin decides it doesn’t want to be there no more. We don’t have enough brain cells to put one on Glimber, so Tempe gets to test out her arm strength should something happen.
• Spoiler, nothing happens! Yay, thanks Rothuss! Tempe holds the light in one hand and hangs onto Glimber with the other while gnome friend does his thing. Conclusion? Lots of digging = too much work! So travel by water, as Vee will always prefer to say!
• Anyways, we need a… uhh, smaller floating water vessel? Calling it that because Wendy’s brain cells are no longer coherent in English, obviously. We visit a grumpy pearl diver Uther so we can borrow his floating water vessel. He is grumpy because water dangerous = less pearls. Bad for business.
• He feels a little better about the fact that WE might be doing something about it. Is he happy enough to give us a freebie? Nah, the price is 12 pearls for his services. We decide to put it on (Im)Potentate’s tab and call it a day.
• So, currently: We’re off to a sea cavern to attempt to 1) find a lost explorer and 2) uno reverse the Sharkman Mob attack by respectfully yeeting their prized sea snake statues back to where they belong for at least 100 or so pearls. Regrettably, extra reward is to be determined, BUT we are equipped with Water Breathing Potions + A Swimming Ring from a generous Pirate Wizard, and a grumpy pearl diver will take 12 pearls to meet us at noon at a designated spot to make sure we pass the Signs of Life vibe check.
• Alright, goodbye 2024! Let’s hope that this clean up venture isn’t as cursed as it seems?

Ratbone Rhymes

Vee needs rum!
In her tummy tum tum.
Because it's no fun.
In the caaaaAAAAAAAaaaves!

We don't wanna die,
but we'll give it a try.
It's not like we can fly.
In the caaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaves!


Quotes of the Night

Spring: Silly cat
Spring: They act like they have multiple lives or something

Lisa: ”The larger creature responded, 'As the Deep Mother commands, The Stone Which Abides shall be returned to the Throne of Teeth.'
Lisa: game of teeth thrones
Shislif (MeLange): Throne of teeth doesn't sound fun
Lisa: no

Spring (Ratbone Carder): maybe we respectfully take the statue, hurl it into the sea, and shove off from port?

Inv Zora Polasis: nods at Nod
Nod (Human): Nods, slight smile

Vee Barlett: Heroism ain't worth shit. You better hope them pearls are.

Vee Barlett: It has caves. Why ain't it open sea or somethin' fun? Why do caves be my curse?
Temperance: Who knows, maybe you were destined for caves, Vee.
Temperance: shrugs.
Vee Barlett: Well I am gonna ask Pa or Dad if they made some damned deal that cursed me as such.
Inv Zora Polasis: laughs

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): we're off to see the wizard!
wyjyoon (Temperance): the wonderful wizard of...

BOB I will say she does NOT cast to keep things simple for later
Carissa (Vee Barlett): ....why do we need her to save spells Bob? Huh? Why??

Shislif (MeLange): oh otters are different they adorable :)
BOB Melange has selective memories of the otters from the river in the mountains
wyjyoon (Temperance): shh let him think that otters are cute
wyjyoon (Temperance): they usually are
BOB Oh look how cute! as it is hanging off of his arm chewing on his wrist
Shislif (MeLange): lol
Shislif (MeLange): wrist probably had it comin

wyjyoon (Temperance): dolphins are so intelligent they can be salty when they want
wyjyoon (Temperance): that's my take
Carissa (Vee Barlett): and why vee loves them
Carissa (Vee Barlett): she might be a teeny tiny salty herself
wyjyoon (Temperance): *very salty

Shislif (MeLange): we're trying to find a way into the caves down below?
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): we're going into caverns to look for a lost expedition leader named Lychelle and try to stop the saughin attacks
BOB Yes
BOB and yes
TMO (Rothuss Carder): WHY MORE CAVES?? HAVE WE NOT CAVED ENOUGH?
BOB and yes
Carissa (Vee Barlett): EXACTLY THANK YOU

Rothuss Carder: What's the password?
Vee Barlett: I'll knock yer teeth out

Rothuss Carder: It'd help if that wasn't your answer to everything, Vee. “Where shall we go for lunch?” “TO SEA!”

Session 20241220c - 20241220s

Welcome back to another round of Derailing The Builder’s Plans™! Wendy is equipped with tea and migraines to a less painful degree, but brain buffers will still happen. If I don’t see y’all next session, Happy Holidays and Merry New Years!

• Ok, but less talking and more doing because the Sharkman flash mob is here. They’re upsetti spaghetti because we stole their parking spot, and have tridents and nets to prove they mean business.
  • Officially, they’re called Sahuagin, and they appear much funnier on google than the icons Bob put on FG.
• Our current count (6): Lirt, Rothuss, Ratbone, Zora, Glimber, and Tempe.
  • Vee is MIA, Julia is… looking after the Museio the Sea Elf Maiden, and Hieroman is off pursuing his own Hero’s Journey.

This one’s a long one, so for the sake of my sanity, it is made more digestible by divisions + intermission. You’re welcome.

• Fish are FOOD, Not Friends… except We Might Be the Fish, Part I
  • Ratbone’s like “the heck y’all waiting for?”, bashes her club at the first Sharkman 3, and flashes a diamond grin for extra damage to the eyes.
  • Lirt’s like “shiny? I have shiny” and unleashes a meteor shower from her wand at Sharkman 5.
  • Tempe attempts to join, but her dagger says NOPE.
  • Glimber grabs his footman pick and picks some shark meat off of Sharkman 1.
  • Zora’s rapier finds joy in slashing Sharkman 2.
  • Rothuss’ saber might need a minute to warm up.
• Part II
  • Sharkman 4 stabs Tempe with its Trident.
  • Sharkman 3 throws a net at Ratbone. Ratbone becomes the first catch.
  • Sharkman 5 goes “I got the other one!” and throws a net at Rothuss. Suffice to say, it didn’t get the other one.
  • Sharkman 2 aims for Zora instead. Zora becomes the second catch.
  • Sharkman 1 goes “the small fry for me!” and throws its net. Glimber becomes the third catch.
• Part III
  • Ratbone goes Bard Mode and breaks the net. And probably curses out Sharkman 4 off with her eyeballs.
  • Lirt throws another meteor at Sharkman 4.
  • Tempe’s dagger is done warming up and takes some blood off Sharkman 4.

Intermission: Commotion has spread to the docks.

• Glimber might need a detangling brush for that net.
• Zora follows Ratbone’s She-Hulk example and she’s free!
• Rothuss wants revenge on Sharkman 5 for trying to net him. His blade is buffering.

• Part IV
  • Sharkman 4 tries to throw a net at Tempe, but she dodges.
  • Sharkman 3 stabs Ratbone with its Trident.

Intermission 2: It’s supposed to be a light wound, but that trident has poison or venom, so she falls to the deck unconscious. Like Sleeping Beauty pricking her finger and falling asleep.

• Sharkman 5’s like “it’s better down where it’s wetter, PEACE” and tries to yeet itself out into the water.
  • Rothuss tries to deliver the last blow to Sharkman 5 but his blade doesn’t want violence… yet.
  • Lirt helps out and makes it past tense before it makes it back to the sea. Talk about fast reflexes, man.
• Sharkman 2 tries to stab Zora. But his buddy dying probably threw a wrench into his concentration.
• Sharkman 1 decides Glimber is enough for a parking fee and drags him under water.

• Part V
  • Lirt tries to throw a Dagger at Sharkman 2. It cries “Dagger is Free!” as it sails out into the ocean.
  • Ratbone is still an involuntary Sleeping Beauty.
  • Tempe’s dagger doesn’t want to work today.
  • Glimber’s like “I don’t wanna be a merman!”
  • Zora’s pretty upset that they took Glimber. She shows it with her rapier, and Sharkman 2 gets the brunt of it.
  • Rothuss delivers the final blow to Sharkman 2. It clears the way for Zora.
• Part VI
  • Sharkman 4 stabs Tempe and hopes they get two extra maidens with the very much land-attached gnome. Tempe keeps her eyes open.
  • Sharkman 3 side-eyes 4 like “you can’t take out a simple human?” and tries it for itself. Tempe keeps her glare and her consciousness.
  • Lirt comes over to help, bless her, but she’s all out of expert daggermanship.
  • Tempe goes “heck you evil creatures!” and casts Protection Against Evil.
  • Just as Glimber frees himself, Zora dives in to try to save him.
  • Rothuss comes over to help Tempe and his sister out with the two leftovers. He shanks Sharkman 3 with his sabre and tries for another with his main-gauche. Sharkman 3 still lives.
  • Sharkman 4 thinks Tempe is up for grabs… and then flinches back because of her shield.
  • Sharkman 3 tries to drag Ratbone back with it over the railing, but Rothuss’ sabre is buffering no longer, so it “just dies”.
• Part VII
  • Sharkman 1 doesn’t want to lose his parking fee so he claws at Zora like an angry cat. Fortunately, Zora’s fine with Sharks that deliver cat-level scratches.
  • Lirt tries her luck with her dagger one more time and … Success!
  • Glimber is the sloth to Zora’s tree.
  • Zora wards off Sharkman 1 with her rapier.
  • Rothuss takes care of Sharkman 4 with his main-gauche.

Intermission 3: Welcome Carissa to the “We Like to Breathe" portion of the night.

• Part VIII
  • Vee dash-and-dives to mess up the dude who decided to mess with her sister. Her fury isn’t great for accuracy.
  • Sharkman 1 doesn’t give up and cat-claws Zora.
  • Lirt tosses Zora and Glimber a rope so that they’re not left to marinate in salt water.
  • Zora grabs the rope, but Glimber is like a baby koala attached to her, so pulling up takes a bit.
  • Vee stabs Sharkman 1 and spreads blood in the water. Bye Sharks. No parking fee for you.
  • Glimber grabs the rope too, and together, they’re all able to come back up, yay!
• Tempe checks on Ratbone to make sure she isn’t past tense. Her brain surprisingly still functions despite losing 20 hp, and she can tell that the poison from the Trident is different from the bolt poison that stabbed the sea elf.

Intermission 4: Tempe’s brain might be heckin great, but Wendy’s brain is buffering, so…

• Tempe leaves Rothuss to keep an eye on his sister and goes down to speak to Julia to see if she’ll know anything. You know, because she’s at a higher level and all that. Julia wants to see if Tempe wants to pray for the recently passed Sea Elf, but Tempe’s so preoccupied with Ratbone that she throws propriety out the window. Julia’s chill enough to be like “okay, let’s prioritize the living”.
• Vee and Lirt look around. Vee disses the Trident for looking trashy, while Lirt is like “it might just be paralysis venom”.
• Tempe and Julia come up to the deck. Tempe comes to the same conclusion as Lirt, while Julia’s just like “let’s pray for her” and hopes that Tempe is right.
• Tempe wants a sample of the venom / poison from the Tridents, but for time’s sake stashes them below deck and joins everyone else in their journey to Angler. Leading them is Marly Rynnow The Pier Warden, daughter of the Island’s Very Important Person. You know, the Potentate with potential. Apparently they will meet in the morning.
• We get to the Sweetclover, where we hope to catch a break. Ratbone talks in her sleep, Glimber thinks she’s possessed, and Tempe checks on everyone else but herself.
• Before Rothuss can go all mother hen on her, Tempe finally realizes she’s the one with all the blood over her and heals herself. Isn’t she forgetting something, though? Who knows? She’s all giggly and lightheaded from losing life essence.
• Thankfully, Vee and Rothuss have their heads screwed on. The elf is still left on the ship, and they don’t want any more Sharkmen to chomp away the Lady. Zora and Glimber remain with Ratbone to watch her as the rest amble down to the docks, dry wit and light threats of stabbing in tow.
• Tempe wants to check on the elf, so Vee makes Rothuss accompany her below deck while she and Lirt search the upper.
• The Sea Elf is Very Dead, and Tempe mourns the loss. She does some ceremonial ritual that she hopes is appropriate and prays that she will find peace in whatever realm she’s gone to. Rothuss helps her carry Sea Elf out.
• Meanwhile, Vee’s got her head dunked into the water, trying to ask the fish feeding off the shark corpses what proper rituals may be for passed sea creatures. As Rothuss and Tempe carry the Sea Elf off the ship, she notices the bracers on the Sea Elf.
• Rothuss doesn’t feel particularly great that Vee’s trying to take something from the elf as soon as she’s passed. Vee thinks it’s important to test out the bracers’ effects by the water. Rothuss wants to stab her (very seriously). Tempe tells Vee it should be fine as long as she is careful, but warns her that what might be good for the Sea Elf might not be for her as a human.
• Vee gets what’s coming to her though, because she gets so excited that she falls over onto the dock and into the water sans swimming. She feels slippery from the effects of the bracers, but uh… it doesn’t help her breathe underwater. Rothuss gets a temporary dopamine rush from watching her flail around.
• The four decide to carry her to Julia’s newly-established church… which has a long waitlist. Rothuss steps on a couple toes as he makes his way inside, clumsily tells Julia what happened. Julia tells him to join her for the mourning ceremony (?) the following morning, so Rothuss leaves Sea Elf with her and then stumbles back out, coughing out incense fumes.
• Everyone reconvenes at the inn, gets some sleep, and finds Ratbone nice and awake the following morning.
• Next Episode: Mourning Service for the Sea Elf + meeting the Potentate with the potential.

Ratbone Rambles

Hmmph. Hm. No. No, FIVE loons. Chuffleturkey.
Ummmmmmm. Mmmm. Blibbons. Blibbbbbbons. Like the frooly.
Chutney prints. Prints. Prince? Thank you, darling.
Which urchin? Mmm hmm.
No the corn is fraudulent
Mmmmm hmm gift boogers


Quotes of the Night

BOB So does anyone have any questions about what is happening?
wyjyoon (Temperance): creatures attacking?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): who invited the flash mob?
Lisa: they said we parked in their spot and fighting ensued
wyjyoon (Temperance): is the fine for the parking one of our limbs?
wyjyoon (Temperance): because that's pretty steep

Spring (Ratbone Carder): everybody was KUNG FU fighTIN'!
wyjyoon (Temperance): HAH!
BOB Those cats were fast as lighting
Spring (Ratbone Carder): HUH!

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I think he's getting away from me, since I hit him in the face with a missile, and Rothuss is drunk

TMO (Rothuss Carder): when in doubt, blame Bob

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): cries for Rothuss
wyjyoon (Temperance): cheers for Lirt
TMO (Rothuss Carder): I'm glad one of the TMOs is effective
TMO (Rothuss Carder): 3 cheers for Effective TMO!
wyjyoon (Temperance): *pops confetti for both TMOs*
Rothuss Carder: is blinded by the confetti

wyjyoon (Temperance): hm... thinking
TMO (Rothuss Carder): cast Slay All Enemies

TMO (Rothuss Carder): then we will do that, and try to protect both Ratbone and Tempe with my presence (for what it's worth)
BOB OOO what did you get them?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): we will have to see!

BOB Ahhh
BOB so it just dies

BOB Checking with Lisa on breathing
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): I would like to
wyjyoon (Temperance): we would like her to as well
TMO (Rothuss Carder): one of my favorite activities. highly recommend it
Spring (Ratbone Carder): please do some
wyjyoon (Temperance): great for brain activity and circulating blood around
BOB and Welcome Carissa to the "we like to breath" portion of the night

Temperance: [CHECK] Intelligence (vs. Target 13) [SUCCESS by 7] [d20 = 6]
wyjyoon (Temperance): thank you tempe's brain
TMO (Rothuss Carder): "This program has been sponsored by ... Tempe's Brain. For all your Braining Needs."

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