Main / EvilTide-SUM

Blood Mother

Evil Tide - Session Summaries List

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Session 2025-03-14c - 2025-03-14s?

When the wifi at your house tells you to take a break from the Internet and then it ends up being a 3 day break.

• Vee gets friendly with Julia and Tempe does her first Augury. There is still nobody to mug healing potions off of, but Priestess Julia is super generous with re-equipping The Lady Grim and healing everyone.
• Oh hey there, it’s the Cool Pirate Wizard! Uh… Laurish Samprey? We return all his things, and he and Vee bond over the prospect of dolphins doing magic. They bond so well that Wizard wishes he was young enough to bond with her as a life partner.
• Off we go to sail to our next destination! Vee, Mel, Zora, and Tempe chit-chat a bit as we settle back into the Grim Lady. Zora and Tempe go off to sleep as Lirt wakes up from a nice nap and goes um is there a reason we’re sailing towards rocks and cliffs? If you squint, the Creator of the Plans™ is signing “OK” in all caps in the clouds. And you know what that means.
• Vee’s like HAHA don’t worry about it and casually tries to slow us down. Which is good thinking on her feet, but is it enough? Nope. How ‘bout we let Jesus take the wheel this time? We can do you one better: Lirt. With Vee at the sails assisting her, our navigator SPINS the wheel like her life depends on winning the million dollars at the game show. Hang tight to what’s left of your sanity, ladies and gentlemen, because we are about to experience some turbulence.
• Did we make it in one piece? Zora rolls off her bed, but other than that, we gucci! To sail or not to sail? Navigator says Sail. Vee goes off to sleep and nudges Melange as she goes. Muscle-Boy and First Mate chat until morning.
• Rise and shine! Lirt is still at the wheel, Vee is still sleeping, so the rest of us decide on breakfast. Glimber tries his hand at fishing. It’s been a long time, but thank his muscle memory because it’s a solid one!

Hello Adventurers! You have earned (1) 3-foot-long fish!

• Lirt is the only one who knows how to cook, but Vee’s sleepy sixth sense sends signals of NO ONE ELSE TOUCH THE WHEEL OR SO HELP ME. So Tempe squeezes her brain juice to see if she learnt anything from helping Lirt before. And hey, it didn’t turn out so bad!

Intermission for some Important Information!

• Creator of the Plans™: “Lirt slowly over the course of a couple of hours realizes, there are ships here. Normally over the last few months of sailing you only see ships near port.”
• Lisa, who is familiar with how ships work: it’s “because we are sailing to the capitol and ships do that in island chains”.

As you can see, Writer did not understand a word of that, so quotes is all y’all get.

• So as we finish breakfast and clean up, Lirt spots some ships off in the distance. Her Sus Radar pops and she kindly requests us to keep an eye on it. Everyone Gets On It because if Lirt’s asking, it must be Important.
• With everyone suddenly paying attention, we are able to “spot two convoys/groups of ships, one with two and one with four traveling together, closer than normally would be perhaps”.
• Let’s sail around because we already have a 600-pound problem, and that’s more than enough for all of us. Still, the ships are getting on everyone’s nerves a bit.
• Eventually, Vee wakes up from her beauty sleep and goes through her Wake Up Routine. Which I guess includes filling her quota of “Messing with Rothuss”.
• One of the ship groups are getting closer. Zora and Mel pose like the top two candidates of an Abercrombie and Fitch magazine, hoping that the other crew is both super distracted and super intimidated. They also casually acknowledge each other’s levels of attractiveness.
• Next Episode: Which One is the Pirate?

Quotes of the Night

Temperance: I think the idea of her liking me is more terrifying than the idea of her not liking me.

Carissa (Vee Barlett): melange doing the titanic pose on the bow of the ship not being alert

Carissa (Vee Barlett): bad lisa
BOB OK
Carissa (Vee Barlett): BAD LISA
Carissa (Vee Barlett): he capped! we're doomed

Temperance: I wonder if there's a difference between being young and feeling young.
Temperance: Some older people feel young, and yet some younger people feel old.
Vee Barlett: Well may or may not be if I kiss ya on the lips or not.
Temperance: laughs lightly.
Temperance: I'm sure you'll taste like burning rage and salt.
Temperance: I'll pass.
Vee Barlett: laughs loudly

TMO (Rothuss Carder): Can Rothuss make an Int check to see if he knows the semaphore code for "Stay Clear: Unexploded Nuclear Ordinance on board"?

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): we're not sailing with a jolly roger flag or anything are we?
wyjyoon (Temperance): i... don't believe so?
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): so we don't look like pirates ... hopefully

Inv Zora Polasis: Like a big sailing party
MeLange: Hmm interesting
Lirtimya: I say we steer around, they may be cargo being guarded by navy ships
Glimber Silvernose: I want to go to a sailing party
Temperance: Sounds like lots of rum.
Rothuss Carder: I'm in, Glimber!
Inv Zora Polasis: I don't think it's that kind of party

Rothuss Carder: Five hours? Ships need to be faster.
Lirtimya: Well we can hang you off the end and you can start kicking

TMO (Rothuss Carder): *Vee launches the torpedoes*
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yar!!!

Inv Zora Polasis: tries to look good for the passing ships
MeLange: Looking good Zora!
<font color="#417700">MeLange whistles
Inv Zora Polasis: Thank you!
Inv Zora Polasis: smiles
Vee Barlett: Can ya look a little meaner? Make us not look temptin'?

MeLange: My shirt is off right?
Inv Zora Polasis: I can try
MeLange: stands next to Zora and flexes
Inv Zora Polasis: Very nice MeL
Vee Barlett: Yar! Like that! Approachable but ain't TOO approachable.

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Session 2025-03-07c - 2025-03-07s?

Have you ever just stared at a life-sized statue of an eel-human thing and consider in passing that it just might be the catalyst for the end of the world? Yeah, me neither.

• Previously on Anger Management– I mean, Angler Island: Lirt has tied the knot on the statue. No, not that kind of knot, the other one.
• Hello Adventurers! Meet Sasic Masterjumper. Does he come from a whole family tree of leapfrog legends? Dunno, but he’s like “that looks like a mess, y’all need jesus”. Kidding. He advises us to get help from the town. Which… fair.
• Glimber’s still Not Okay. Vee and Zora (?) volunteer to stay with him + babysit the Statue. Stone. Game of Teeth Stone? Whatever. All we know is… she protecc, she attacc, but most importantly, she got Glimber’s back. IYKYK.
• Everyone else takes a hike up the Old Town Road. Tempe is not looking forward to socializing their way through, but Roth has Lucky Charms. Er… Fast Talk. Mini Potato Tate (aka Pierwarden Marly Rynnow) is like “whatever you want, my guy” and calls some guy named Bernard Montanne over. He sounds like an 84 year old chainsmoker who’s Been Through It™. Ratbone is worried he’ll keel over and Past-Tense himself. Tempe hands him some water and hopes he makes it through. Thank fudge we have the three other guys.
• We take the trek back to the Hole in the Ground. Round trip takes 3 hours, but Vee manages to ward off possible sharks.
• Tempe is ready to get this Over With. She and the 3 (?) Other Guys heave out the Abide Stone to show it to… Potentate? Zora’s Not Sure About That. We have Questions but no Answers. Not Good. But Potentate needs to know regardless, we need Food, Sleep, a Hot Bath, some time away from PTSD and Survival Mode…

A polite note to the Creator of This Universe, the Man with the Plans™: In case this wasn’t clear enough, NO. MORE. CAVES. Please. At least… for the next couple months. My laptop is already trying to quit every time I load the game. Please don’t make my soul quit with it. Thank you in advance.

• Hey, it’s Nod! Not the verb, the noun (courtesy of TMO). Y’know, That Cool Pirate Wizard’s apprentice? We ask if the Potentate’s home. (Un)Fortunately, she is, and is Very Excited about It.
• It? What’s the It we’re talking about? We are Collectively Confused. How does she know what we’re talking about? From our memory, no one peeped about the Sea Elf Prophecy. Super Sus. We push that to the side and talk about Lychelle, skulls, survivors, and how this… object is the latest rave in the Undersea Shark Market.
• Potentate doesn’t know Olmes, which definitely gives us more confidence to trust her. Yep. Zora wants Julia and Temperance to do their Detect Magic thingy to see what they can find. Which is code for I don’t trust you to do something Not Dangerous with this Very Dangerous Semi-Eel Stone Monstrosity, so I’m not leaving this with you.
• Potentate obviously isn’t psyched about that answer. She suggests we gtfo with the statue. Not sure if this is a If I can’t have it no one can hissy fit or if she’s looking out for her people against a Danger Magnet. ¿Por qué no los dos?
• Vee throws a bit of a hissy fit back. Potentate very clearly thinks the rest of the world ain’t her problem if it’s outside of her little island realm. Which… warrants an Upsetti Spaghetti Hissy Fit. Glimber almost died, Vee almost lost an arm, and there were some close calls. Literally not worth the amount of pearls we were promised for this task. Too many Negative Almosts. Potentate gives off squinty potato vying for power vibes, which ain’t helping.
• But also… isn’t the Potentate kinda justified in her reactions? We told her this could bring more sharks to her island, which could mean more casualties. It might be true that she is Hella Sus and has other intentions, but at the end of the day, she chose protecting the island over the unexplored power of the Semi-Eel Stone Monstrosity. What does that say about her? And us? Yeah… Too Much Thinking. Moving on.
• Good News, Adventurers! You have earned… (1) Big Bag of Pearls for your struggles! Writer does not remember the exact amount, so will edit later. It comes as a package deal to the (1) New Task ! of returning the Cool Pirate Wizard his things! Except we don’t want to lug around the Abiding Stone in that wagon so… will rendezvous with Laurish at Church in the morning.
• Group splits up for Inn and Church.
  • Church: Vee, Roth, Ratbone, Zora, Melange ( + Ironmark Nicklewhisk, the rum guy. )
  • Inn: Lirt, Tempe… Glimber (?). Heavy question mark on the last one, but hoping he is resting well wherever.
• Intermission for ERROR_404: Writer’s device is no longer compatible with FGU.
• While Tempe is allegedly sleeping for 84 years at the Inn, the rest go take care of business. First stop is Julia, who’s been Super Chill through this whole thing. We bring her up to speed about the remains we found, survivors, the stone, and wish that Sea Elves were a resource. She is still chill and sympathetic, which… compared to some of the Bob-created NPCs, is kinda nice. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, 80% positive that Tempe is going to take her up on joining her once adventuring gets less fun.
• Good News, Adventurers! You have acquired… (1) Sea Elf bracelet (?)
  • This piece of jewelry, originally owned by Museio the Passed Sea Elf, is evidently different from the bracers that she was also wearing.
  • Rothuss is currently in possession of the bracers.
  • We are most likely taking it to Osterhold to… use it for…?
• Julia examines the Abiding Stone and decides that it “is obviously some magical artifact for them that was hidden, and now we need them to know it is gone from here”. She suggests Vee use sea-speak to spread the word that it’s being taken away. Vee agrees to spreading the information, but does not agree to actually taking it with us.
• Some map talk ensues. Writer does not have enough brains to digest it. Lirt says go the longer way, which is… South? And what she says goes ‘round here.

Ratbone Rhymes

(singing) my baby has left me, and my dog has run away
i said my dog has left me, and my baby has run away
i got ripped off at the marketplace, and beat up on the quay
my mama called me ugly, and my daddy is ashamed
oh yeah my mama calls me ugly, and my daddy is ashamed
they call me baby x, because they took back their name
i was waylaid by bandits, they beat me half to death
goddess, i was waylaid by bandits, and they beat me damn near to death
gonna curse those brigands until my dying breath

Quotes of the Night

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): yup - put it on the throne of teeth and I'm betting it comes to life
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): and tries to destroy the world
Shislif (MeLange): and sleeps with your mom
Spring (Ratbone Carder): whoa
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): lol sharif
TMO (Rothuss Carder): probably good odds on that
Carissa (Vee Barlett): who are these eel people?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): eelple
TMO (Rothuss Carder): peopeel?

MeLange: Sometimes I feel like there should be a style of music to convey the sorrow and dissapointment of life
Ratbone Carder: oh but there is
Ratbone Carder: we call it the sads
Rothuss Carder: It's called "damn that's depressing music, get me another beer."

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): give it a bunch of sugar and case tooth decay
BOB laughs, 9 out of 10 dentists recomend flossing your Throne of Teeth with a statue of an eldritch god
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): LOL
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol quote
Carissa (Vee Barlett): we're the 10th dentist
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): lol wyjyoon (Temperance): lol quote (2)

Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): You are the only ship here in the harbor that can take this
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): If you head south instead of north
Vee Barlett: Yar yar....
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): that would distract them
Vee Barlett: Back home like was me plan?
Vee Barlett: Wait...
Vee Barlett: looks at Matey to see if she calcuated right.
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): If you go north you will travel right through where we encountered the Sea Elf and Sharks on the way here
Rothuss Carder: We could sail backwards, so it looked like we went north.
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): if you go south around....
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): Looks at Rothuss
TMO (Rothuss Carder): (you know it's a success when an NPC has to stop mid-sentence to just stare confusedly at you. :D)

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Session 2025-02-28c - 2025-02-28s?

Ever had Youtube just recommend you something so out of the blue that it made you laugh maniacally? On this particular Friday, mine was Grump It. It is apparently a soundtrack of a game streamer’s blood pressure skyrocketing as he struggles through Mario. Don’t ask, I don’t know. I just wanted to enjoy my ice cream in peace.

P.S. Experimenting with new format. Feedback appreciated.

• Previously on Evil Tide: Glimber destroyed a rock, Rothuss is Involuntarily Asleep, and we are all FREEEEEEE! … to loot skeletons.
• Hello Adventurers! From Looting the Skeletons, you have received: (1) Dagger +1, 36 small pearls, (1) trident +1!
  • Vee calls dibs on the trident.
  • Tempe gives Shanky Stabby Witch the +1 dagger so she can be more Shanky and Stabby.
• This cave is making us all feel geographically challenged, but we eventually find…

“The widening of the fissure has been hung with a very large net-hammock, from which dangle various small bone tools, hooks, and even one or two human skulls.”

• Tempe takes one hook just in case and then heals Vee and Glimber because they need to be at the front stabbing things.
  • Darn, should’ve picked up some bone tools just to see Zora waving them around like she did with the femur that one time.
• We have a run-in with a Possible Top Dog of the Shark Mob Baron K'thstraam. Vee talks. He talks back. They seem to be civil at first, but then he charges her. But not before calling her a tart. Gasp. Oh no, not the watery salty tarts! Dishonor on your family, dishonor on your cow! Vee stabs him with her Trident to see if he’ll talk.
• And then the Stabby People get into position to stab. Glimber with his Trusty Footpick, Zora with her Rapier, and Rothuss with the Double Troubles Sabre and Main-Gauche. Four people combined should have been enough to tell Baron we mean business.
• Meanwhile, Lirt wants to test out her Pikachu spell but then decides against it. Tempe decides a morale boost won’t hurt for a Chunky Shark Mafia Head.
• Baron doesn’t want to talk though. With some BITE RAKE combo he tears those four people a new one. Did I say four? I mean three. Evidently Rothuss has some Lucky Charms.

Intermission for a SHARIF SHARIF SHARIF Moment.

• The Stabby Four upfront give back as much as Baron does. Is the Mafia Don dead yet? NOPE. Ratbone thinks it’s the perfect time to try out that one spell she learned. What spell, you ask? Just look at the teeny tiny crabs crawling all over Baron. That’s what he gets for using the T-word. No, not Trident, the other one.
• Baron doesn’t die, nay nay. He Gets Mad. BITE RAKE Combo is lethal for the Stabby Four, but especially for Glimber. Honestly Shark Man, can’t you go pick on someone your own size?
• Tempe keeps chanting for Crabs because not only are they helping, she is hungry and would like some, preferably boiled and dipped in butter. Lirt rushes over to bind Glimber because This is Not A Drill.

Intermission for [ REDACTED : FILE_REWIND ]

• All we wanted was boiled shark and crab. Was that too much to ask?

• Baron poofs. Stabby Witch and Priestess put their heads together and discover:

1. It is a Teleportation type spell, which can work anywhere on this plane, so he could be anywhere.
2. It is also a Contingency spell. It is likely within 2 miles because that is the typical range of such things for Priests.

• So now what? We spend hours grappling with Baron, only for him to peace the heck out? We keep it movin’, I guess. Just like Mel’s bowel movement, which is somehow a hot topic of conversation upfront. With RothNav as his enabler— I mean, guide, Mel leads us to…

A portion of the rocky fissure appears unremarkable. However, the temperature of the water is noticeable even warmer here than the already abnormally high ambient temperature.

• So basically, a sauna! Let’s sweat out all our bad juju! Can we get a back massage and pedicures while we’re at it? Nope, not in these caves, apparently. Booooo.
• Quick, turn left, because you’ll see a worship room full of “strange serpentine carvings” sticking out of the walls! Shall we put them back? Let’s wait a hot minute and come back to that thought. What about looting? NOPE, that’s what got Lychelle and Island Co. in this mess in the first place. No. More. Statues.
• So we keep movin’ towards the Hot Place. There’s some slippery snakey tube thingy that Baron shark has made. Yeah… remember the Whale Gut Sheath mentioned in passing? It’s supposed to funnel some cool water so that no one gets cooked alive when in here. Stranger still, there’s a green glowy light with… Something. It’s not moving. Is it Lychelle? What better way to find out than to send someone to check it out, right?

Intermission for: So… as a player… Wendy is sincerely hoping that this “crawling up the lower digestive tract of two dead whales” thing isn’t one of the most bizarre things in the history of Dragonslayers.

• Healing Time for Vee! Yay, less blood.
• So… Rothuss gets all ready to slither through, dagger properly sheathed and key in… hand? Hopefully? He works his way up and finds… The Stone Which Abides. You know from the Sea Elf Prophecy?

As the Deep Mother commands, The Stone Which Abides shall be returned to the Throne of Teeth.

• Congratulations, Adventurers! You have received: (1) Stone Which Abides!
  • Disclaimer: It is life-sized. It weighs a total of 600 pounds.
• So now what? Leave it? Take it with us? We decide to take it for now. No one gets in our way except… two Skinny Sharks. It’s supposed to be a surprise attack, but Tempe is surprisingly not surprised.
• Would’ve been great if she could stab too, but the Universe never gives us what we want. As they press up against her they throw their nets… and don’t catch her. Glad they’re just as bad at netting as she is with stabbing.
• Lirt gets the jabbies and stabs one in response, and then Vee comes in with her Trident only to stab her life blood (aka Seawater).
• Wait, what’s the skinny shark doing? Tempe tries to get a stab before they run off alive. Oh, they were just getting ready to bite back instead. Ok. Vee finishes them off.
• Let’s get back to the life-sized statue currently in our possession, shall we? We had one of us crawl up whale parts to get it. We lug it around towards the way we came in, and try to tie a rope around it to pull it up or something.
• This Rope is Cursed, and Everyone is running out of fuel. Eventually Lirt has to cantrip to tie the knot.

Intermission for Session’s Last Words: Mel has a max press of 280 Roth is 140 Vee is 170 Lirt and Zora are both at 90

Serial Killers and The Dead Internet Theory

Carissa (Vee Barlett): and it's okay wendy, at least you only stole my words and not my identity
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): happy to be me :)
Lisa: lol
BOB LOL be your self, everyone else is taken
BOB on the dark web
Lisa: lol
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol and thanks for making sure that made the summary, it was funny
wyjyoon (Temperance): it made me crack up as i was putting it in, and every nugget of happiness is worth it :) esp during these crazy times
BOB Yes it is
BOB By the way what happened last week was the entire city lost internet for about 20 minutes
wyjyoon (Temperance): holy moly
TMO (Rothuss Carder): it was a tight squeeze fitting in there, I'll tell ya
Lisa: another bizarre thing
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Carissa's skin sack isn't big enough for me...
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol TMO
wyjyoon (Temperance): hopefully FG won't try that again
Carissa (Vee Barlett): wut
Carissa (Vee Barlett): is TMO a serial killer? do I need to be afraid??
Lisa: always
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lmao
TMO (Rothuss Carder): you mean you aren't already?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): .........
wyjyoon (Temperance): we're all just AI having conversations with each other
BOB LOL
BOB Oh man
Spring (Ratbone Carder): Heh
Carissa (Vee Barlett): the dead internet theory
Carissa (Vee Barlett): becomes closer to reality each day


Quotes of the Night

Inv Zora Polasis: Not your usual love affair
Inv Zora Polasis: This was magic obsession

BOB The chambers are empty except for that, all creatures great and small love the music and are enthralled

Spring (Ratbone Carder): werecat? who are they when not a cat?

TMO (Rothuss Carder): is she a watery tart handing out swords?
BOB tridents but yes
TMO (Rothuss Carder): just don't call her a moistened bint. them's fighting words.

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): he's moderate now
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): zora moderated him

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): chants Sharif Sharif Sharif

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): give him crabs Spring!

Ratbone Carder: Heh, I learned that one from a hermit while I was away
Rothuss Carder: Not a hermit crab, was it?

Temperance: stands near the entrance and continues to chant.
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): chants crab damage crab damage crab damage

Lisa: stabbing is so much cleaner
Carissa: anything is cleaner then crabs

MeLange: hot and unremarkable
Rothuss Carder: Why are you remarking on how unremarkable this place is?

MeLange: Don't take it personally if I fart in your general direction Roth
Rothuss Carder: Dude, everyone takes it personally when you fart. You need some fiber in your diet.
MeLange: actually I think it's because I eat TOO much fiber
MeLange: keeps things moving you know
Rothuss Carder: Then eat some potatoes or something.
MeLange: Do potatoes make farts smell good?
MeLange: News to me
Rothuss Carder: Can't make it any worse.

TMO (Rothuss Carder): when things start going Rothuss' way, it's about to get Bad

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): that crappy room with a couple of pearls was his lair?
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): disappointing lol

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Well, it's not my fault the back of your head is weak.

wyjyoon (Temperance): i'm literally pressed up against them and they couldn't catch me with a net
wyjyoon (Temperance): 2 nets

Rothuss Carder: Tie That Knot!
BOB Vee and Roth, I now announce you man and pirate
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): lol
Carissa (Vee Barlett): she'll sooner stab herself
wyjyoon (Temperance): don't do that, she almost lost an arm
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol

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Session 2025-02-21c - 2025-02-21s?

Hello folks! Welcome back to another round of Shark Slaying and busting up rocks, with a free side of subverting the GM’s expectations by Just Surviving. Our current motto is Chug your Chuvor and don’t keel over.

• Quick Skim:
  • A game of Guess Who’s the Real Carissa?
  • What is measurement and space anymore?
  • Don’t listen to the Voices of the Void unless you want to get sucker-punched.
  • Is it a siren? Nope.
  • ERROR : SYSTEM CALCULATING...
• FG proceeds to promote all the amenities included in their Newest Glitch Package. We only find out after TMO logs in that it involves the fusing of identities. Everyone has a grand old time until TMO returns to his own user.
• Momentary discussion including: measurement, spacing, map’s to-scale, and Wonderland. Personally, dunno which would be worse: Wonderland or This Shark Mob Cave. Vote now on your phones!
• Item #2 of the Glitch Package: Movement of the icons is a decision made between GM and whatever existent God of the Program.

Hey, there’s a New Voice in Town

• Vee subscribes to this new solo artist called Voice of the Void.
• Glimber’s like heck no! and tries to pull her back but misses.
• Zora tries to yank Vee back like a mother yanking her pre-adolescent daughter away from her favorite boy band. Evidently, blood is thicker than water... er, hypnotizing song medleys. Still, not enough for Vee to quit the Fanclub.
• Rothuss tries to find out what’s happening. All he knows is Zora’s Get Back Here! which isn’t much. So off he goes to find out what all the noise is about. Uh oh, that’s another subscriber...
• ...or so we think before Lirt pulls back her fist and knocks him out clean. No promises that any part of his skull didn’t go crunch. Yeah... uh, he was totally on the top of her to-hit list.
• Quick Disclaimer: No other friends were severely harmed in the prevention of their imminent death. Emphasis on severely. Also, it’s all Falcon Punches from here.
• Tempe is heckin confused as to what’s exactly going on. She does know that:

1. Rothuss is hearing songs.
2. There’s a commotion up ahead.
3. Lirt evidently punched a “dumbass”.

• That last one is something she wants to see for herself, so she moves around That Finicky Corner that totally blocks her line of sight. And off she goes... to be another subscriber.
• Vee wants Front Row Seats to this new singer. Even the dice say HECK NO.
• Glimber tag-teams it with Zora. It’s a solid punch, but gnome knuckles aren’t enough today.
• Lirt picks up a now-unconscious Rothuss to make sure nobody drags off his body anywhere.
• Tempe swims past Lirt, but Vee, Zora, and Glimber being a ball of struggle provides a perfect roadblock.
• Glimber’s like no not the priest! and punches Tempe. Not strong enough to knock her out of consciousness.
• After a series of punching, Glimber swims ahead to presumably pause that godforsaken tape recorder. Or permanently yeet a siren out of existence. Though Lirt and Zora have their hands full with the 1 unconscious + 2 entranced, they hope he doesn’t yeet himself out of existence in the process.

Brief Pause for Change in Scenery!

Glimber swims and swims until he’s in a round chamber. There is a jello door thingy, which acted like a bouncer outside the club, but Voice of the Void did away with that, so gnome friend is able to swim through no problem. Ooo, look at that neon green light! Is that a glowstick? Pixie dust? Another Eel statue? Dunno, but yo, that’s a lot of shark mob bones, my dude.

• Apparently, “There is the well, with the green light at the bottom”. Nobody comprehends this structure, so Glimber just goes for it. What’s in this messed up jack in the box? Let’s find out!
• A glowing rock who has personified aspirations of becoming a rock star. Damn, someone write me a poignant bildungsroman-type autobiography. Were we listening to rock n’ roll this whole time? Maybe.
• While Glimber’s trying to destroy a rock and somehow missing, Zora realizes... oh, maybe we should pull everyone far away so they can come back to their senses?
• Lirt drags Rothuss forward no problem as Zora tries to drag Vee backward. It’s basically time to switch shifts and now Tempe’s new doorstop is Lirt and Rothuss.
• Problem: Zora struggles to pull Vee back.
• BOB_MACHINE’s last words: Attempting to reconnect...

... and here is where the curtains fall as the chapter ends.

Post-Session Notes: I think Bob said that Glimber destroys the rock via Discord, but don’t quote me on this please.

Do You Smell the Almonds?

Highlighting the Identity Crisis Incident because it’s definitely worth a mark in the timeline.

'TMO' connected
Carissa: ah, looks like sonny boy logged in before me. I was just texting him to let him know I had to run updates a couple of times to get in
Carissa: wait..
Carissa: wut
Carissa: this is not April Fools Bob
wyjyoon: erm...
Carissa: sniff the air, does it smell like almonds?
wyjyoon: i'm starting to think it might
BOB That is weird
BOB Different
Carissa: I don't think TMO was me before he logged off last time
Carissa: so this is what an identity crisis feels like...
Carissa: already having one, we don't need a third
BOB Do I need to release them for you?
Carissa: release me from all of this? yes
Carissa: I released Rothuss, still not me yet
Carissa: when were you ever?
TMO: I'll leave and come back, and this will all have been a bad dream
wyjyoon: you are TMO again
TMO: ooh, I'm ME!
Carissa: went from bad dream to nightmare there
TMO: I vote we never talk about this again. It never happened...
wyjyoon: dang, was gonna put it in summary
wyjyoon: for everyone to remember forever
Carissa: put it in the summary
Carissa: who you going to listen to? me or me?
Lisa: Hi TMO :)
TMO: See? Lisa knows it's me!
TMO: ... the person going by the name "Madame Psychosis" can see my true identity... that's not concerning at all...
wyjyoon: for the record carissa, there are times i might not listen to either of you :)


Quotes of the Night

TMO: so which is accurate: the 5' grid squares, or the 5' character icons?
BOB Exactly
TMO: Is he pulling some Alice in Wonderland crap on us?
Lisa: seems like it
Lisa: he didn't answer the question
BOB grins
TMO: I will give the Cheshire Cat a Glasgow Smile

Carissa: lisa calculating how quickly she's able to punch vee...
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): not yet ...
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol she called dibs last session :P
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): first in line
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): will drag her off first
Carissa (Vee Barlett): ah true, it was zora who wanted to punch her

Carissa (Vee Barlett): as first matey, does lirt get bonus points for yelling at vee to break the curse?
BOB and Lirt can move past Zora to try and grab Vee
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): there is room to move around in here
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): or do something else
BOB Harpoon her?
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): burning hands ...
Carissa (Vee Barlett): wow didn't expect to jump quick to that

Carissa (Vee Barlett): lirt held right? she can punch him
Carissa (Vee Barlett): if vee wasn't (presumed) still enchanted, she'd punch him

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I wish to punch Rothuss
TMO (Rothuss Carder): get in line, buddy!
Lirtimya: Martial Arts: Combination [d20 = 7]
Lirtimya: [DAMAGE (M)] Punch Result:2 [TYPE: bludgeoning (1d0=2)] [d0 = 2]
Lirtimya: KNOCK OUT ROLL [TARGET:10] The Target is KNOCKED out! [d100 = 4]
'Carissa' disconnected
'Carissa' connected
BOB Hit him so hard it kicked Carissa out of the game
wyjyoon (Temperance): lirt definitely wanted to do that for a WHILE now
wyjyoon (Temperance): dunno what rothuss did to her lol

TMO (Rothuss Carder): gimme my 1 hp back though pls

BOB OH do not tell Carissa
BOB man

Carissa (Vee Barlett): blame bob "oh you need to get closer!" rude

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): wish sharif and spring were here - I think they would like this

Glimber Silvernose: swims down to green light
BOB Ok
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): finds a tape recorder
BOB grins
TMO (Rothuss Carder): 60' Anglerfish
TMO (Rothuss Carder): with a bagpipe
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): sounds terrifying
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
BOB There is a fist-sized lump of serpentine fused to the bottom of the 10-foot-deep shaft in this chamber,
Carissa (Vee Barlett): well it wasn't all caps OK...

---

Session 2025-02-14c? - 2025-02-14s?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

---

Session 2025-02-07c - 2025-02-07s?

So remember my wish for a chill February? I wished way too hard and now the weather is Very Chill. As Carissa said, never say never until mid-March, Mother Nature is unpredictable.

• Quick Skim:
  • Yeah, so that crack in the cave? It’s a matrix cave. Joy.
  • Mel’s muscles are being watched. And everyone else too, but whatever.
  • Mega Teeth Sharks!
  • Scrawny Sharks!
  • Don’t follow the Voice, Vee! Don’t go into the light!
• Current Count (7): Vee, Lirt, Zora, Glimber, Melange, Ratbone, Temperance.
  • No Rothuss humor tonight.
• Let’s start with the crack down into the seventh circle of Sea Underworld. Ideas are thrown around, but nobody wants to think too hard, so we fall back to the good ol’ “f * ck around and find out” method, also known as the “live fast and die hot” method.
• So down the wormhole we go! Stuff’s narrow, so we’re all elementary school kiddos single-filing it until the hallway thingy opens up to…

“a smooth spherical chamber at least 50 feet in diameter.” “Rough, broken walls of the fissure” change into “obviously artificial greenish tiles which cover every surface of the sphere.” It’s hard enough to eyeball how ancient this place is, but the seafloor danced and went boom-shaka-laka so hard that “the tile is rippled or missing, possibly damaged” Other than “the fissure, two 10-foot-diameter circular shafts access the chamber, one to what you think is the north and the other to the south.”

“The slippery smooth tunnel is interrupted to the south, where a fissure has bisected the artificial bore, creating a crossroads.”

[ ROUND 2 ]

• Heckin Mother Nature, it’s a Mega Teeth Shark! It snaps its jaws towards Mel, who goes “not my muscles!” He gets shark-squished instead.

Intermission for etymology: “mega” means “giant” and “odon” means “teeth”. So literally, Megalodon = Giant Teeth Shark. So if it’s a Giant Megalodon… it’s a Giant Tooth Shark a bdfasjillion times bigger, which sounds Very Fun.

• Vee wants to make giant sushi out of said shark.
• Zora is like talking is overrated and goes for it with her rapier. Rapier goes my time to shine baby! and OHO, that’s a stab. Mega 1 does a double take.
• Glimber is like “me too!” but Pick needs a warm up.
• Tempe tries to prevent a stab to the back by taking a peek at the other hallway. Obviously she didn’t learn from that last time she almost got her arm chewed off by a shark. But! No more sharks, no shark mob men, just… debris blocking the end of the hall.
• Vee comes through with her sushi threat. Her Trident goes STAB STAB pretty good. Got a feelin that Mega 1 is going to take that personally.

Quick pause as everyone casually side-eyes 1’s buddy, Mega 2. Because that’s not concerning at all.

[ROUND 3]

• Question: Can Mel still swing whilst being shark-smushed? Yes. Is it successful? Well…
• Vee’s like I gotchu bro and swings her Trident. Solid Stab = good.

Intermission for BOB’s internet booting us out. Methinks it’s a foreshadowing from the universe that Jesus– I mean some existing deity was gonna take the wheel.

• Anyways, welcome back! Aaaandd… that Mega is swimming away. Thing is, we haven’t learned to let things go in this cave. Mel, Zora, and Vee get a chance to jump on it for shark meat, and Zora is the fastest. With a Zoom Stab, whoop, that’s floating mega meat.

[ROUND 4]

• Mel swims straight into a bigger chamber and into another Mega. And you know what that means. Sushi Time! Whoops, Mega 2 beat us to it. Mel gets swallowed whole before we can even blink.
  • Question: which one of us is the next on the sushi platter?

[ROUND 5]

• Vee tries to treat a Mega like a naughty puppy. Except the Trident-Shanking, of course. I’d like to say she’d never shank a puppy, but do I know Vee enough?
• Glimber’s Pick is done warming up. That’s a stab right there!
• Lirt wants Mel to GTFO of Mega Belly ASAP. She risks a shot of Melf’s Acid Arrow. Acid Arrow says NOPE.
• Zora’s Rapier gets stage fright for Round 2 with Mega.

Intermission for everyone to change their channels, Barbara’s here with a report from the Mega Shark gullet!

• Mel was holding his Axe when he became Chonky Tuna for the shark, so he can’t do anything… yet.
• For the love of Bran, why is Vee next on the revolving sushi platter? Mel greets Vee with a strange amount of cheer for someone who is becoming fish food.

Meanwhile, outside the belly…

• Tempe’s like Bran, dear god almighty, why do you put me in this position and goes for her dagger to stab. Yeah, her priestly wrists could never, apparently.

[ROUND 6]

• Mel attempts PUNCH. But hey, controlling limbs is hard when you’re going down a gullet alive, apparently. Both fists say no.
• So Vee goes in for a punch with both fists. She gives Shark insides a solid right hook! But probability gives her a Not Yet.
• Glimber’s like No more sushi platter! and SHANK STAB. Don’t mess with gnomes, guys.
  • Celebrating Crit! (1)
• Lirt goes for another shot with her Acid Arrows. Darn, that’s a nope.
• Zora’s rapier’s not ready to face Mega 2.
• Mega 2 is trying to get away with a full belly. HAH no freaking way, dude, you have two of us in there. And shizzle sticks gets personal with us when a shark is literally… just being a shark, apparently.
• Attack of Opportunity for Glimber, Zora, and Tempe! Tempe and Zora get a NOPE but Glimber gets a stab!

[ROUND 7]

• Alright, belly people, it’s up to y’all now! Mel’s punch is pretty good, actually. Nice dude, keep flexing those muscles! Vee’s double punch is pretty good too!
• So did Mega spit them out yet? No? Fudge biscuits, go find sushi somewhere else, man! Glimber tries to convince it via Pick, but Pick is not persuasive.
• Lirt tries to stab with a dagger also. Oof, dice is not with us tonight.
• Zora is getting ready to replace her rapier for a new one.
• Tempe tests her priestly wrists with her dagger. Maybe she really should have gotten swallowed instead?
• Mega attempts an eat-and-run. Sir, don’t you know you have to pay to eat sushi? We can’t afford you not paying in this economy. That will cost subscribing to 1 endurance test of four or more stabs, thank you. But! We’ll give you a special discount by amending that to four or less stabs. Because between Glimber, Lirt, Zora, and Tempe… only one of them hits. Twice. Guess who?
  • Celebrating Crit! (2)
• Yeah… don’t cross quiet level-headed mages, you don’t know when they’ll snap. And snap Lirt does, by double shanking the Mega. Hey, that’s Mega meat! Time to cut it open!

[ROUND 8]

• It takes two rounds to cut open Mega carefully to rescue our two almost-fish food belly people.
• Tempe wants to heal both of them. Her spell poops out… 1 and 2 hp. At this point she’s on the verge of committing treason by doing something drastic, including but not limited to unsubscribing from her faith. Tempe recasts for both again. 9 hp goes to Mel because Vee’s anger can hold her up for a while longer.

• Ok, we keep swimming until some Voice in the Universe (Bob) nudges us. Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now! But how about taking a look at that green jello while you celebrate Staying Alive?
• Aw, c’mon guys, let’s have some more faith! How ‘bout a pinch of pixie dust? You know, the thing that’s glowing in Vee’s pouch? Kidding, that green glow is from the jade Eel-Humanoid Statue that doubles as a key to some portal to Eel Land.
• Eel Key opens said portal, but it only goes on for 30 feet before it’s debris. What a letdown, universe. We literally fought two Mega-Megas for this.
• Glimber’s at the front and checks to see if the debris is actually a dead end or not. It was good he checked, because the passage continues! Sweet, thanks Glimber!
• Oh hello! That’s a lot of sharkmen. But they’re skinny so it should be fine! Belief! … we say despite how many times we wanted to unsubscribe from this whole venture.
• Scrawny Sharkmen (6): #1, #1, #2, #2, #3, #3
  • So… scrawny sharks have a buddy system?

Skipped a lot of rounds because it was just transitions. Y’know, swimming, healing, figuring out where faith is hidden, etc.

[ROUND 18]

• Mel is like HAH you scrawny fish got nothing on me, I almost became fish food! and swings. Axe goes mm fish blood. One of the #3s just got unlucky.
• Vee’s been itching to use her trident again since getting stuck in Mega-shark gullet, and Trident agrees. Is it the same #3 or its buddy? Um…
• One of the #1s throws a net towards Mel. And actually succeeds. Raspberry caboodles, it’s really not our night. Thank goodness these sharks are scrawny.
• Tempe tries with her dagger because… she just used a healing spell four times. And they’re gonna need to conserve. Dagger says NOPE.

[ROUND 19]

• Mel does a warmup workout stretch and, hey! The net breaks! Kidding. But he gets out of the net in one go. Nice!
• Vee’s Trident does the rare thing by swinging at water. It needs a water break to recharge its salt levels.
• One of the #1s attacks Glimber.
• Glimber attacks it back.
• Lirt decides she’s gonna kill two birds with one stone with Burning Hands. Not only is it a casualty, we get boiled fish for dinner! Lovely. One of the #2s is resting in peace, nicely seared and cooked.
  • The dice casually spasm. Somehow burning and water confused it, I guess?
• Zora’s rapier doesn’t want anything to do with salt water and sharks anymore.
• Ratbone takes her knife and stabs one of the #1s.
• Tempe’s wrist gets inspired by Ratbone and gives one of the #1s a stab via dagger.

[ROUND 20]

• Mel wants to get revenge, but Axe wants to rest in peace.
• Vee gets rid of one of the #1s with her Trident.

• Yay, we got ‘em! And keep swimming along to the next place. There’s a lot of man-made tunnels now, and some creepy soft lullaby that sounds like the soundtrack of a horror movie pre-jump-scare. Which isn’t creepy at all.

The rough, broken fissure leading northeast breaks into what appears to be the beginnings ()forte of the artificial tunnels. Issuing from the mouth of the dark tunnel is a lilting, alien .song~· quiet .and somehow plaintive. Someone·is singing in the ·darkness beyond.

• Surprisingly, everyone resists (excluding Tempe who is too far away to be lured)! Are we mentally stronk and never knew? Shoot, we forgot Vee and her love for everything in the sea. She’s heading down the corridor towards the sound.
• That’s… not good. Wait, no, it’s great! Get in line folks, we just got justification to land a punch on Vee to prevent her from walking towards her death! Zora gets dibs for first in line, though. She purchased the fast pass called “It Runs in the Family”.
• Next on Evil Tide: Is that a Freaking Siren?

Ratbone Rhymes!

Honestly, this quote was so perfect for this section and the general vibe of this session, so… enjoy!

Ratbone Carder: thinks this is going to make an amazing song. if she gets to live to write it.

Quotes of the Night

Carissa (Vee Barlett): cheese and chocolate, I'm ready to kill shark things

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): this feels more complicated than it maybe has to be?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yes
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): can't we just blunder into our imminent deaths like usual?

Vee Barlett: Hmm... they waitin' to ambush us, me thinks. Definitely bein' watched....
MeLange: well they can watch if they like
MeLange: flexes

wyjyoon (Temperance): pin the blade on the mega-shark
wyjyoon (Temperance): a new party game everyone wants to play

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): SO! After this we get to cut a shark open, anyone hungry?

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): no running in caveways stupid shark
Spring (Ratbone Carder): it could never live up to its parents' expectations

MeLange: oh hey Vee!
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): LOL
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol mel is like welcome to the party
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): LOL

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): who's next to join the shark belly party?

BOB Are the inside people ready?
BOB remember use your inside weapons
Carissa (Vee Barlett): which are apparently only fists

BOB If it swallowed Temp she could still use her daggers
wyjyoon (Temperance): are you suggesting tempe to go get herself swallowed
wyjyoon (Temperance): dunno if i like this kind of encouragement bob

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Well, I just boiled a fish

BOB Yes just reading ahead
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): no fair - you should be just as surprised as we will be

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): nice!
wyjyoon (Temperance): priest wrist upgraded :)

BOB Those in the chamber hear the song and are listening but Vee hears it and is entranced, and she heads up that corridor towards the sound immediately
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): oh good do we get to smack her around now?

---

Session 2025-01-31c - 2025-01-31s?

Hey there, welcome to In-N-Out, how may I help you? Kidding. But we are out of the caves… before we regroup and go back in again to see if going towards the center of the earth is chill or nah. Probably nah, but hey, we’re Adventurers! Amirite? And it’s the last day of January, too! About damn time. Only a month in and it already feels like we’ve been through the whole year’s worth of aches and pains. Fingers crossed for a more chill February!

• Quick Skim:
  • Take Olmes to Church.
  • To be or to not be an Eel Thing.
  • Make a Plan™
  • Go back into the caves... avoiding all those weird traps we found.
  • Fight both buff and scrawny sharkmen.
  • Arrive at the abyss and contemplate life.
• Current Count (8): Vee, Lirt, Zora, Glimber, Melange, Rothuss, Ratbone, Temperance.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 25.
• Highlighting the fact that Carissa logs in before everyone else to escape from reality and rolls an 8 for HP to boot. Get on her level, guys ;)
• Sweet Vitamin D, it’s been… okay, not that long, but don’t your bones just feel ancient after fighting anthropomorphic beefy sharkmen in dim lighting?
• Anyhow, the Plan™ Of the Moment:

1. Walk Olmes back to town.
2. Get some healing from… The Church?
3. Figure out how to prevent imminent death in the Abyss / Drowned Caves.

• We walk into town, sporting the hot new look from the caves. Evidently, Muddy, Grimy, and Bloody is the latest trend, and we draw some attention from the townspeople. We decide to heal first before we break to Lychelle’s dad the news about her whereabouts, so we make a pit-stop to Julia’s church.

Intermission to highlight the 5 second discussion on Do Hostages become Eel Things? + Schrodinger’s Eel.

• Julia’s like there’s worse news than how y’all be looking right now and lets us know about this fishing boat that was overturned. And despite everything, everybody hopes it wasn’t the Grumpy Pearl Diver Guy that we had a noon appointment with… Uther? He might be a grump, doesn’t mean he deserves death.
• Casualties: Ingrid Scheweinsteiger + other people in her crew. At least 6 who got yeeted off the mortal plane.
  • Thing is, everybody got warned to stay out of the sea due to the Sahuagin attacks. Girl thought she was being smart by riding out anyway to monopolize the pearl business.
• Julia is glad for lots of Shark Mob casualties, but that isn’t enough. Zora and her brilliance summons The Sea Elf Friend (may she rest in peace)’s prophecy:

As the Deep Mother commands, The Stone Which Abides shall be returned to the Throne of Teeth.

• So everybody gathers the jade statues in a haphazard pile. Roth tries to figure out some lore behind it, while Tempe casts Detect Magic.
• One of the statues which is of a humanoid turning into an eel glows like a lightstick. Tempe is like that looks like a key, to which Julia replies that could be a key to a portal. Which summons the bad feeling that Bob might be saying a lot of OK’s in all caps. And in Bob lingo, OK is bad news bears.
• Tempe hands Vee the statue because 1) hopefully the Sea Ranger knows what to do with it and 2) Carissa is usually here pretty consistently, so it won’t be 1 round behind should situations call for it to open some Eel Land Portal.
• Now that we get that squared away, we get to the other matter of… you know, getting some healing. Despite being the head of her church for like… one day, Julia’s surprisingly chill about adapting to all these disasters. She and her junior priests give as much healing and blessings that they could possibly give.
• Oh right, we also get some leather armor for Mel. Because despite BOB’s very kind expectation of “at least one casualty”, we don’t want it to be one of our fighters.
• Fast forward to the… morning? Why does it say 6:56 PM? Anyhow, everyone’s feeling loads better, so off we go back into the caves, chugging Chuvor as we go along.
• Positioning (from Wendy’s foggy brain): Mel, Vee, Glimber (?), Zora (?), Ratbone (?), Lirt, Tempe, Roth.
• Tempe warns Mel about the room that can squish people flat, and then… the line wavers a bit as he runs headfirst into 3 sharkmen. But wait! They’re a bit different than the beefy ones we’ve fought before. More green and skinny. Hm…

Intermission for Disclaimer: The following content is basically a friendly bonding session between Vee and Mel as they slash and shank things into oblivion. #SlashSpreeDuo. Will think of a better name later.

[ ROUND 1 ]

• Glimber wants to be nimble and shank some skinny sharkmen, but Mel’s pretty beef himself, so gnome waits.
• Mel cha cha slides backwards and parries. Why not let them come to us instead of us going to them?
• Glimber wants to stab things though, so he dashes forward with his trusty Pick Axe. Pick Axe is like you want me to stab things with no warm-up? well heck you, too!
• Roth, who’s at the back, decides ambushes aren’t gonna happen on his watch. He swims to the chamber he almost got squashed in and looks, just to be sure there’s nothing in there that could take us by surprise. Thankfully, nothing is there, so he swims back to where he was and preps to stab anything that pops outta there.
• Lirt receives tempting whispers about using lightning bolt. She’s smarter than that, though.
• Skinny #14 takes a poke at Glimber.
• Vee parries #16 so that Glimber can survive another day. Because she cares about creatures that can stab things, human or otherwise. And Glimber is a huge help in that regard.
• Ratbone waits to see if she needs to jump in or nah.
• Tempe scooches over to make room and watches it unfold.
• #18, #13, #17 all hang around to see if this is worth getting a bite.
• Vee parries #17 in the name of Glimber surviving.
• Nothing pops out, but Roth watches for any jack-in-the-box surprise we might get.

[ROUND 2]

• Glimber reverses outta there next to Roth.
• Mel waits for Vee to back the heck up.
• Lirt doesn’t want everyone to get electrocuted.
• #14 takes a swing at Vee.
• Vee dodges, sticks out her tongue, and backs up to give room for Mel to do his slashing spree.
• #16 is… waiting? To make a run for it?
• Ratbone bides her time.
• Zora readies her rapier in case she needs to step in.
• #15 is… waiting also.
• Tempe watches at the back because Mel and Vee can handle a few skinny sharkmen.
• Roth is keeping a lookout.
• #18, #13, #17 all hang around (2)

[ROUND 3]

• Glimber waits with Roth.
• Mel now has enough room to do his thing. #17 is at the wrong end of his Axe.
• Lirt waits in the wings.
• #14 goes for Mel. Mel swings away and goes HAH.
• Vee gives #14 the middle finger and finishes it off with two blows of her Trident.
• #15 and #16 are loitering around.
• Zora and Tempe watch and bide their time.
• Roth moves to cover the Squish You to Death chamber.
• #18 and #13 are also hanging around.
• 17 throws a net at Vee because it’s desperate I guess? Vee’s like nice try, sucka!

[ ROUND 4 ]

• Glimber is waiting to see if there will be any room for his Pick Axe will finally get a workout.
• Mel goes nah we good and swings. One of them draws blood. #17 lookin pretty rough.
• Lirt gives some strength to the fighters up front via verbal cheering.
• Vee channels her anger to #17 and OOP, it’s dead.

• Brief intermission for some swimming around.

[ ROUND 5 ]

• Mel is still itching to slash things, and the universe grants him some more sharkmen. He finds one, goes YAY and proceeds his slash spree. #18 is no match for him.
  • You know, Vee’s pretty terrifying when she stabs, but I think it’s more terrifying to imagine Mel slashing things and giggling while he wipes blood off his axe. Just a thought.
• Lirt is waiting.
• Vee gives Mel her stamp of approval and finishes off #18.
• #16 squeaks and backs the heck up.
• Everybody else gets into line formation, and we keep movin’.

• Oh, look, we are at the top of the waterslide! Don’t go down too far though, there’s a whirlpool that’ll flush you downwards.

[ ROUND 6 ]

• Glimber waits to see if the two up front can handle one measly sharkman.
• Mel avoids the gigantic water tornado drain and still manages to show #16 who’s boss around here.
• Everyone else maintains line formation, checking for Chuvor as they pass the corpses.

[ ROUND 7 ]

• We move towards the a ** crack of the cave (censored for JTom’s sake), hoping Lychelle hasn’t turned into an eel yet.

[ ROUND 8 ]

• Mel runs into another one. He giggles because, wow he must’ve done something to deserve this! and swings his axe around like it’s a bloody party. #15 is very unfortunate.
• Lirt is watching all of the bloodshed unfold.
• Vee follows suit and stabs with her Trident. OOP, luck is not on her side this time. She must’ve run out of her Rage Fuel™.
• Glimber is itching to join the fun. He runs in between their legs like the quick and nimble thing he is and STAB. That’s most of his pent up rage, alright. #15 is like whyyyyyyy.
• Zora gets punch-happy but the three are already up there. So she waits with the rest, who are passing around imaginary snacks as they watch the show.
• #15 doesn’t think waiting around to die sounds fun. Mel tries to one-shot him as he yeets himself away, but Axe requires a recharge.

[ ROUND 9 ]

• Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… towards the crack in the flooooorrrr.

[ ROUND 10 ]

• Hey, it’s the bigger baddies! But Mel is beefier so we win :P
• Glimber gives #SlashSpreeDuo a chance to get at it before stepping in.
• Mel is on a roll, and so are Sharif’s dice. His Axe goes SWING SLASHSLASHSLASH and oop, #13 is dead.
  • CRIT (1) for us!

• We have arrived at the cursed a ** crack of the cave, and that is where we stop to prepare ourselves— mentally, physically, emotionally.

Ratbone Rhymes Returned!

Ratbone Carder: [singing] we are so chic! it's the latest fashion
Ratbone Carder: [singing] we are so chic! luxury our passion
Ratbone Carder: [singing] we've been SOAKING in rejuvenating mud!
Ratbone Carder: [singing] don't you WISH you had these riches in your blood!
Ratbone Carder: [singing] we're so CHIC and you are not!


Quotes of the Night

Glimber Silvernose: I am not edible

Temperance: For someone who gets the most blood drawn, you sure are a big baby when it comes to healing.
Rothuss Carder: Maybe I'm allergic to it?
Temperance: Are you?
BOB To his blood?
Vee Barlett: Allergic to common sense
Rothuss Carder: Don't know, Cap'n. I run into it so rarely around this group.

Vee Barlett: Ya did good fer havin' weak priestly wrists.
Temperance: Why thank you, I didn't expect much from these priestly wrists.

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): if we line them all up in a row and have someone cast detect magic at least one of them should light up :)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yes but also is lychelle going to become an eel thing??
wyjyoon (Temperance): i hope lychelle doesn't become an eel thing
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): maybe she would like to be an eel thing
Carissa (Vee Barlett): one never knows
wyjyoon (Temperance): a mystery, to be or not to be an eel thing

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): See, behind this door is either a person or an eel, we will not know till we open it, schrodinger's eel

Rothuss Carder: I need some rest and recuperation a long way away from her stabbing.

Vee Barlett: holds one out for her to see
Vee Barlett: Smells rank.
Julia Fitzenhagen (formerly Axel Palmroth): Swallows... coughs,..... if the smell is that bad what does it taste like?
Temperance: Survival.

BOB checking how many Orisons they need to do
TMO (Rothuss Carder): seventy-blevin
BOB The group is down 72 HP total
wyjyoon (Temperance): seventy blevin was somehow close
TMO (Rothuss Carder): I am just that good

BOB how else can I help?
BOB Other than a barrel of potions
Carissa (Vee Barlett): a mug of potions
TMO (Rothuss Carder): YES PLEASE
Carissa (Vee Barlett): or someone to mug for potions even
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Hey guys, look what I found!

MeLange: ready your butts!
Rothuss Carder: My butt is *so* ready

Vee Barlett: Southwest, Mel. Back to that crack in the floor.
wyjyoon (Temperance): "crack in the floor"
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol that cracks me up for some reason
Carissa (Vee Barlett): if vee steps on it will it break her mother's back?

---

Session 2025-01-24c - 2025-01-24s?

Hey there, welcome back to a new episode of… Rolling New Characters. Kidding. Some of us are medicated, some of us are sleepy, and January just put the general collective on the Struggle Bus to God-Knows-Where.

P.S. This could be one of those sessions where the quotes might be longer than the summary.

• Quick Skim:
  • What do you do when The Planner™ admits to plotting possible Death of Character via story arc? Stage a coup, of course ;)
  • Fast forward + Doing Math for Healing.
  • Make a Plan™
  • Explore that last chamber.
  • Why is a bard leading anyway?
  • Onto land we go. Dig a hole?
  • Yay sunlight! Now everyone can conk out.
• Current Count (6): Vee, Lirt, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Temperance.
  • Melange and his muscles are out of office.
  • Ratbone needs her beauty sleep. She gets it.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 25.
  • Intermission for OH SHOOT DID WE GET THEM ALL YET.

Highlighting Bob’s Vote of Confidence (1): “I expected some Death but congratulations, none of you died!” Thanks Bob, glad we’re still alive too.

• Zora shares rations + wine, everyone sleeps, and Tempe casts Orison so everyone will be less close to dying.
• After a harrowing [ insert some measurement of time here because what is time in the caaaaavvvveees?? ], everyone’s paranoia and anxiety and survival instincts are fried. We just want Zen. Calm. How about signing up for Zumba? Nah, let’s explore that other part of the cave before we catch that Noon appointment for Yeeting Ourselves Outta Here. It’ll be chill, right?
• The positions (off of Wendy’s limited memory cells): Rothuss, Vee, Zora, Glimber, Lirt, Ratbone, Tempe?
• As we pass where we got Ambushed (PTSD alert), Roth is like “PSA everybody, I’m the type to not look both ways before crossing a street”. Vee grumbles about doing work but is nice enough to be like “hey stay left unless you wanna get flushed down into that whirlpool”.

Highlighting Bob’s Vote of Confidence (2):

• BOB: STR check, you can only fail if you roll a 20.
• Half of us: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. proceeds to roll 18s.

HAH. Suck it Bob! Kidding, we appreciate ya very much.

• Anyways, we all keep left as instructed and move into a cave chamber. It stinks of rot, and— uh oh, that’s two more humans who have been forcibly unsubscribed from Life. Also brutally mutilated as on par for the Shark Mob.
• Tempe and Roth swim over to check it out. Items and stuff that could identify the bodies have been removed, so… uh… now what? Roth spots land to the left and water to the right. Tempe’s like “we just drank potion so water”, unknowingly enabling Roth’s reckless choices.
• Roth swims over into the next chamber and finds another human who needs an epitaph. He approaches it to get a closer look, triggers some trip wire, and almost gets crushed into a salty human pancake via rocks from the ceiling.
• He’s like OH SHIZZLE STICKS and expeditiously cartwheels outta there. Zora facepalms (thief with Detect Traps here), Vee’s too tired to be anything but blasé, and Tempe tries to figure out how long ago she healed him.
  • BOB: It’s only a flesh wound. takes away half of his HP.
• Zora reasonably decides to boot Roth to somewhere else besides the front of the line. Between Glimber and Vee, the GM— I mean Universe picks Vee as the Chosen One. She’s like FIIIIINNNNEEE.
• So right side with water? Trap. Let’s go left! Vee climbs the ledge and calls Glimber over to flex his Underground Knowledge. And flex he does. What do we have? A collapsed ruin aka pile of rubble which opens up to Above Ground. Flashback to the Very Big Hole we checked out on Roth’s magic floating disc.
• So it takes 19 Man Hours to dig a hole and find the sun again, but we have 9 people so give or take 2 hours. Letting BOB do the math.

Intermission for Diggy Diggy Hole. Wendy is partial to the Orchestral Version.

• We dig and YAY VITAMIN D! We see the town and plan to temporarily ditch the Grumpy Pearl Diver Boat Driver in favor of taking poor Olmes home so that he can get some help. We let Roth bleed a little longer.
• Peace out until next week, peeps! Also BOB, abandon hope for that New Brain, it ain’t happenin.

Quotes of the Night

TMO: sorry I'm late, hope nobody died as a result
Lisa: everyone died
TMO (Rothuss Carder): oh. time to roll new?

Inv Zora Polasis: takes a long gulp of the wine and holds it out for anyone that wants some

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): why did you do that?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I didn't mean to post the whole thing, I thought it would be a link
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): TMO was trying to go read it
Lisa: oh I thought it was bob :)
BOB lol

TMO (Rothuss Carder): more blood! more blood! more blood!
BOB If you sleep and relax you get 1 point back overnight. If you are treated by a healer during the night you get 2 points back... but your healer gets zero points back and does not re-learn spells
TMO (Rothuss Carder): we'd rather have the spells thankyouverymuch
wyjyoon (Temperance): spells and some blood transfusions would be nice

Effect ['LIGHT: 60/0 continual light'] -> [EXPIRED] [on Rothuss Carder]
TMO (Rothuss Carder): it must not be so continual after all

BOB You did great to get to this point with so little damage
wyjyoon (Temperance): lol bob u sure
wyjyoon (Temperance): it was so little damage
BOB I expected at least 1 death
Spring (Ratbone Carder): 8-O
Carissa (Vee Barlett): .......glad you blieve in us
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Bob wanted to kill one of us, who's becoming too powerful?

Inv Zora Polasis: Not sure why a bard is leading anyway.
Temperance: Because he gets into things.
Inv Zora Polasis: And rocks fall on his head.
Temperance: Somehow, not an unexpected consequence.

TMO (Rothuss Carder): u go glimbs!
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): he's on the slope stuff now :)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): all downhill from here!

BOB It will take a total of 19 hours without equipment to dig out and up to the surface
BOB 19 man hours to be clear
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): that's okay the ladies would like to rest :P
BOB LOL
BOB Unless Roth wants to explore down inside of that whirlpool
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): no
TMO (Rothuss Carder): YES
TMO (Rothuss Carder): ...okay
TMO (Rothuss Carder): no

BOB Wendy will have a new brain
BOB the TMOs will be fully moved
TMO (Rothuss Carder): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
TMO (Rothuss Carder): NO
BOB grins
wyjyoon (Temperance): not brand spankin new
wyjyoon (Temperance): just workin a lil faster
wyjyoon (Temperance): hopefully

---

Session 2025-01-17c - 2025-01-17s?

Hello hello, welcome back to the Salty Caves. Tonight’s vibe is ‘Mm, Chuvor’ which turns into Crit Hit galore. And heads up, most of them aren’t even ours. All I can say is, I will kindly request Carissa to send Bob some lovely glitter bomb cards on my behalf, too.

P.S. Disclaimer, this one’s very lengthy.

• Quick Skim:
  • Find the Chuvor Den.
  • Keep fighting some sharkmen anyway.
  • Small intermission for some internal screaming.
  • Keep fighting the sharkmen.
• Current Count (6): Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.
  • Vee and Lirt to join in at a later time.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 14
• So we open the evening with some thinking. We want to work shmert. Which means… locate that Chuvor warehouse so we don’t have to fight as many sharkmen?
• Glimber and Rothuss get some healing, and off we go to get some Chuvor.
• The positions (off of Wendy’s limited memory cells): Melange, Rothuss, Glimber, Zora, Ratbone, Tempe?
• We filter into a chamber, and oops, we’ve interrupted nap time. There are:

1. Gigantic sleep net fitting for sharkmen.
2. 24 Giant Octopi Ink Bladders.

• Mel’s at the front and broadcasts very quietly the dangers of these fragile ink pockets. Evidently, side effects include temporary blindness.

[ROUND 7]

• Tempe’s waiting to either back up or keep movin’.
• Mel chooses forward instead of backward, and #4 is the obstacle that gets hit.
• Roth is equipped with Thing 1 and Thing 2. Sabre’s all warmed up for #16.
• Glimber and his trusty Pick goes for #6. One can never go wrong with a trusty Pick.
• Zora goes for #6 with her rapier. Worrying about those ink pockets distracts her.
• Ratbone and Olmes follow the rest into the chamber and holy heck, why are there so many??
• #11 goes for Zora with 3 scratches.
  • Bob’s CRIT (1)
• #6 retaliates with 2 scratches for Glimber.
  • Bob’s CRIT (2)
• #4 retaliates with a kitten scratch for Mel.
• #3 goes chomp scratch scratch on Roth.

[ROUND 8]

• Tempe hears commotion but can’t get through, so she steps out into the intersection as a lookout. She looks around and recalls that 2 sharks from before came from the North.
  • OOC-wise, there was a shark on the map that disappeared soon after the fight started. Wendy’s brain cells put 2 and 2 together for once, which lets her know that chambers could be connected.

Intermission: Lots of fluctuation with our dice. They’re indecisive about whether to form a union and go on strike or work on a sugar high.

• Glimber and Zora’s blades would rather not.
• Mel swings for #4. Axe needs a moment to think about whether it wishes to bestow violence.
• Roth’s double troubles become double troubles for water.
• #11 does a snap swipe claw SCRATCH swipe on Zora. Feels like some 4 second choreography of fury with how many limbs they have.
  • Bob’s CRIT (3)
• Glimber gets a CHOMP and 3 consecutive claw swipes from #6.
• #4 gives Mel a CHOMP scratch scratch.
  • Bob’s CRIT (4)
• #3 aims for Roth. It gets a claw and lethal toenails in.
• While all that hub-bub is happening at the front, Tempe is still in the intersection. But not by herself, nay. Remember the bit about the chambers being connected? Yeah, turns out a shark was hiding amongst the sharkmen, decided it felt too claustrophobic, yeeted itself around, and found Tempe to munch on.

[ROUND 9]

• Tempe decides she’ll try to handle this shark on her own. She takes out her dagger and WHOOSH. Knife skills aren’t enough to hit.
• Glimber’s lost a lot of blood and it’s affecting his aim.
• Mel’s Hyperspeed Bloodthirst Mode activates. His Axe goes all SLICE SLICE SLICE DIE SHARKMEN DIE. Seconds later, there’s two less sharkmen to deal with. Rest in pieces, #4 and #6.
• He decides to move on to #11, but his muscles require a recharge.
  • Just mentioning here that Sharif got 3 Crits in a row, that was amazing!!
• Zora is on the same struggle bus as Glimber in the sense that she’s bleeding and her rapier is on strike.
• Roth steals a bit of Mel’s bloodthirst inspiration. Sabre’s back in business baby! #3 is shark meat.

A moment to breathe as we count:

• Sharkmen Casualty: 3
• Cumulative: 17
• Surviving: #2 and #11
• Zora gets a double scratch from #11. Oof, more blood.
• #2 gets all bite and scratch happy for Rothuss like a toddler with a scratch-n-sniff sticker.
• Tempe is still being munched on by the shark.
• Pause for Headcount (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.

[ROUND 10]

• Tempe sees Vee prepping to help and moves backwards, luring the shark further and further away from the sharkmen mob skirmish. She gets annoyed that the shark keeps biting her though, and gives it a smol shank.
• Glimber moves over a sharkman corpse to stab #11. Blood loss doesn’t do him any favors.
• Vee waves her wand for some friendship bracelet sorcery. Shark goes heck no. Vee takes offense and vows to stab it.
• Mel’s muscles are slowly recharging. Axe swings twice and results in one slice for #11.
• Zora’s rapier does not want to work today.
• Roth’s sabre is more awake than its dagger counterpart. It goes SLASH on #2.
• With her rapier temporarily checked out, Zora gets 3 claw slashes from #11.
  • Double Crit (6) from Bob.
• #2 does a CHOMP scratch SCRATCH for Roth, which puts him at low battery.
• Shark has a fun time ignoring Vee’s peace offering and munching on Tempe. It gets so happy in fact that it clamps its jaws on her and swings her around like a chew toy.

[ROUND 11]

• Tempe is like heck you, get off me! and tries to stab it. Emphasis on tries.

Intermission to highlight Bob attempting to make us feel better by saying you’re almost hitting! Emphasis on almost. As if we can do anything to control the dice. LOL Thanks Bob for the positive vibes.

• Glimber is strugglin out here, guys.
• Vee goes all BAD SHARK and stabs it to get it to drop Tempe. Trident goes Stab. Good start.
• Mel’s muscles are wanting to sleep.
• Zora probably wants to sleep off this nightmare too.
• Roth is swimming in his blood at this point, but he wants to add some shark blood to the mix. Very hygienic, right? He goes for #3 and Sabre’s like BLOOD YES MORE BLOOD.

Intermission to honorably mention the accidental re-murder of the already murdered #3.

• #11 gets a smol scratch in for Mel.
• #2 is like so long suckas, I’m out! Roth and Glimber both go for it, but Glimber is angrier and goes overboard with his Pick. Don’t mess with gnomes (3).

A moment to breathe as we count (2):

• Casualty: 4
• Cumulative: 18
• Surviving: #11

[ROUND 12]

• Tempe is still stuck and still trying to stab this shark so she can get out.
• Glimber finds his footing with his Footman’s Pick, and works on #11.
• Vee swings her Trident and STABS.
• Mel’s muscles want to quit this extended workout session.
• Rothuss tries to decide if he wants to risk getting punched by Ratbone post-healing.
• #11 yeets itself away. Glimber and Mel both go for it, but it narrowly escapes.

[ROUND 13]

• Tempe’s getting frustrated with being this sea creature’s chew toy. She double stabs it in the mouth.
• Glimber chases after #11 and finishes it off… only to find that he’s now in the entryway to the next chamber and there are 3 more. Thing is, he needs a battery recharge too. He screams for help.
• Vee hears yelling somewhere but is too busy disciplining her new pet shark. She goes shank shank, but it’s not enough for shark to give up.
• Mel’s like leave Glimber alone! and runs into the next chamber. He slashes the first one he sees. Hello, #1.

A moment to breathe as we count (3):

• Casualty: 5
• Cumulative: 19
• Surviving: #1, #9, #10, #13, #15, #19
• Zora’s rapier is having an identity crisis.
• Rothuss and Ratbone are having some sibling to sibling dialogue. Rothuss wants to help. Ratbone calls out the insanity by reminding him of his mortality. Swimming in your own blood is an expensive sport.

[ROUND 14]

• Tempe is wondering when this shark will perish and keeps whittling away at it with her dagger.
• Vee goes SLASH SLASH with her Trident. Surprise! Shark’s all fattened up from eating so much, so it still has a couple more before it keels over.
• Meanwhile, Mel’s Axe goes SLICE. Bye #1. Another slice releases some blood from #10.
• Glimber loses his footing and his Pick doesn’t quite hit.
• Roth, who is currently in temporary time out for his blood loss, looks around. He thinks Ink Pocket might help confuse sharkmen during retreat, so he removes one and readies himself.
• #19 gets to Glimber with its Trident, and he’s out for the count.

[ROUND 15]

• Shark takes another bite outta Tempe. She considers stabbing it, but decides to trust Vee to handle her life.
• Vee repays that trust by going overboard with the shark. Carissa’s dice may have had a spasm, but after a series of SHANK SHANK DIE SHARK DIE, shark is Very Dead. She gives Tempe some pointers on stabbing, and Tempe tries to listen while wiping blood off her arm. The two decide to rejoin all the screaming and the yelling.
• Zora and Mel decide this is too many sharks to handle for 2 people. Zora binds Glimber and preps to duck out as Mel watches her back.
• Meanwhile, Roth swims towards the entrance between two chambers, ready to commit some hit and run as he sees fit.

[ROUND 16]

• Tempe drinks a dose of the healing potion and waits for Vee to move.
• Vee teleports to the other chamber to try and surprise attack the sharkmen from behind. #9 is no match for her SHANK SHANK. Goodbye.
• Mel and Zora are having a hard time with #10.
• Roth still lies in wait for his operation Ink Bomb.
• Ratbone is making sure Olmes doesn’t become toast… er, fish food.
• #19 gives Mel a shank with its own Trident. Oof.
  • Bob CRIT (7)
• #15 turns around to shank Vee back. A shank for a shank, tit for tat, yeah?
  • Bob CRIT (8)

Intermission for internal scream session + headcount (4):

• Sharkmen Casualty: 7
• Cumulative: 21
• Surviving: #10, #13, #15, #19

[ROUND 17]

• Tempe swims into the chamber with the ink pockets and wow, look at all the blood.
• Vee gets so upset that Carissa’s dice feel it and spaz out. A single shank is all it takes for #10 to go bye bye.
• #19 and #15 each aim for Mel and Vee. Shank for a shank, as they say.
• Mel wants to slice it back but muscles say NOPE.
• Zora’s rapier is trolling her.

[ROUND 18]

• Tempe hears the commotion and decides to wait and see if her friends will run back to safety.
• Vee stabs #15 back and gives it a middle finger while she’s at it.
• Mel’s Axe is officially checked out. He needs to swim back, stat.
• Zora gets so fed up she shows her rapier who’s boss. #19 happens to be at the other end.
• #15 attacks Vee back.

[ROUND 19]

• Tempe keeps a mental count of how many spells she can cast and decides to sacrifice one for Chant.
• Through all the hub-bub, we miss out on the conversation about Ratbone’s Audible Glamer spell. It has to do with sound, so it could be used as a distraction, maybe?
• Vee channels her anger the healthy way. You know, by stabbing your enemies to death. She spit on its corpse, per se, but logistically… I agree with the blob of spit floating around in the water. Bye #15, don’t come back.
• As Mel retreats towards Roth and drinks a healing potion to save himself, Zora goes over to stab #19. Heck yes, Rapier back in business, baby!
• Vee finishes off #19 and EVERYTHING’S OVER YAY
• From this struggle, we get:
  • (14) Shark Mob Tridents
  • (12) pouches of Chuvor.
• Lots of healing is involved, note to check HP levels next session. Let’s hope we regroup somehow and yeet ourselves outta here on that noon boat.

Intermission for final headcount (5):

• Sharkmen Casualty: 10
• Cumulative: 24
• Surviving: #13? Or am I just hallucinating now?

Ratbone Rhymes

Will return when not busy trying to survive.

Quotes of the Night

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): can I fight with my eyes closed so I don't get blinded?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): can you blind yourself so you don't get blinded?

Shislif (MeLange): ok I'm off to vegas yall
BOB Carissa you brought in an amazing string of luck
Shislif (MeLange): Carissa let's go to Vegas :)

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): can tempe do a str check to escape? BOB Bend Bars check
wyjyoon (Temperance): um
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): low odds or stab
wyjyoon (Temperance): i have no bend bars
wyjyoon (Temperance): so stab
BOB Technically you have a 2% bend bars
wyjyoon (Temperance): like i said
wyjyoon (Temperance): i have no bend bars

TMO (Rothuss Carder): UUUNdead Shark dooo doo doodoo

Rothuss Carder: I think we need to back them up...
Ratbone Carder: I think you need to shut up and metabolize or something
Rothuss Carder: Am I delirious, or did you say 'metabolize'?
Ratbone Carder: You need to keep the blood IN your body, doofus
Rothuss Carder: Well, it's floating all around me, so I'm in my blood instead of it being in me..
Ratbone Carder: I know it's in the water, I've got cooties now

TMO (Rothuss Carder): Be undigestable Tempe!
wyjyoon (Temperance): am trying!

Carissa (Vee Barlett): how is it not dead yet???????????????????????????

TMO (Rothuss Carder): IMMortal SHARK doo doo dodoo

TMO (Rothuss Carder): throws his InkBlot Bladder at Bob. RUN FRIENDS, WHILE HE CAN'T SEE THE KEYBOARD!

Carissa (Vee Barlett): if you jinx us I swear to all things holy

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): thank you!
wyjyoon (Temperance): rest in pieces
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yarrr
TMO (Rothuss Carder): HUZZAH

---

Session 2025-01-10c - 2025-01-10s

Hey there, welcome back to A Rise in Sodium Content! We are marinating in salt, both physically and emotionally, as a soul-crushing remix of Baby Shark plays in the background. Disclaimer, this one’s gonna be pretty lengthy. Why do anthropomorphic sharks take so long to kill anyway?

• BGM of the Evening: TMO’s apt recommendation Battle in the Briny Deep.
• Quick Skim:
  • Build a Plan™ (1)
  • Hey Siri, how likely is it that we’ll yeet ourselves outta here?
  • Hey Siri, why does Chuvor have so many letters?
  • Hello, it’s Hangry Shark.
  • Shank for Chuvor (1)
  • Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
  • Build a Plan™ (2)
  • Shank for Chuvor (2)
• Current Count (8): Vee, Lirtimya (!), Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Melange, Temperance.
• The night starts off with some planning because no one wants to die, obviously. A vicious cycle of trying to prevent death as we die a little inside, but what’s D&D without 25 minutes of planning, right?
• Our Designated Braincell is back in business, baby! Huzzah to Lirt! She discovers:

1. the Water Breathing Potions do allow spell casting.
2. the Water Breathing Potions do NOT affect other underwater things, which means that we can breathe and talk and cast and all that, but we don’t get any enhancements with swimming, ability to ignore high pressure, etc. Bob discusses the mechanics behind all that, please reference back to chat log, ty.
3. the Sea Devils are totally ok with 2000 feet under the sea.
4. Gnomes/Halflings can handle 200 feet.

• So playing hero means either drowning to death or being flattened out like a salty pancake under pressure. We need the Chuvor that Olmes was so territorial about. And where did Olmes get this Chuvor? Why, stole it from the Shark Mobsters, of course! They were having too much fun massacring the rest of his team to notice.
• Considering our original goal was to make sure we return all the green stone figurines so the Shark People were NOT pissed off anymore, this new plan changes the course of things.
• Magical Item Note! “Chuvor”:

1. Full name Elasmobranchuvor, which is not enough alphabet letters for a magical item that won’t let you physically or mentally crack under pressure.
2. 1 pouch ≈ 2 doses. 1 dose = 12 hours. So 1 pouch ≈ 24 hours. We have 7 humans + 1 gnome. This is too much math, bye. I tried.
3. Not all pouches are going to guarantee Chuvor. You could get lucky and find 2 doses full, or it could be empty.

• So TL;DR, our choices are:
  • A - Stabby stab and shanky shank the Shark Mobsters to try and get enough Chuvor.
  • B - Peace out now and leave Potentate to deal with this.
• We are choosing to push through with option A for now, but fair warning: someone is going to want to GTFO and leave the Island to its fate.
• Ok goodbye planning fatigue.
• Rothuss wakes up when the Trident venom wears off. We really need an actual name for this venom. What did we say it was from? Sea Urchin? Whatever. Anyway, Tempe heals him in the hopes that he won’t be the first to die on the front lines, and counts on her spell slots to be enough to prevent anyone else from imminent death.
• She also mentions that Rothuss has the Sea Elf Bracers that he can try on himself, and suggests Lirt to check them out.
• Magical Item Note! Bracers:

1. Have some protection (AC)
2. Have some sort of Conversion magic for breathing

• Heads and tails up, y’all, there’s a shark! And no, it’s not the anthropomorphic one on steroids. Just an actual shark that is, predictably, searching for food.
• Mother, I require Sustenance (says the Shark, probably):

Due to limited space, lots of holding is involved which results in confusion of who goes when etc.

• Vee’s the only one in the water, which is great! She loves to stab. But she also likes sharks, so she parries it and hopes it eats the Shark Mob behind it.
• Tempe, Zora, Glimber, and Lirt observe from afar.
• Rothuss jumps in the water as backup and waits for a good time to actually do the stabbing. He does not turn into a Sea Elf.

[ROUND 19]

• Tempe and Zora both realize that Abyss is a pathway for Evil. Tempe is like heck that, I have Holy Water and casts Protection of Evil on herself.
• Vee moves back a little and shanks Shark 3 with her Trident. Wow, look at all the shark blood.
• Zora bides her time to strike like the wise brain cell she is.
• Rothuss takes his sabre to Shark 3 and… trips over Vee’s foot.
• Ratbone takes her knife and shanky-shanks Shark 3 from the shore.
• Lirt decides to think twice about using her own knife.
• Rothuss switches to double trouble and thankfully, one hits Sharkman 14! Somehow it’s always his Main-gauche for the water caves, dunno how much of a coincidence that is.
• Vee and Sharkman 8 both attack Shark 3. They both miss.
• Sharkman 20 and 12 also attack Shark 3, probably to yeet him outta the way, but they MISS. Excuse me Shark, could you give us some of your luck before you run away or perish? Thanks.

The time is 11:20 AM

[ROUND 20]

• Ratbone judges that being close to the jaws of a shark + tridents of Shark Mobsters is No Bueno. She tells Olmes to back the heck up and together they move away a safe distance.
• Tempe jumps into the water to be the holy wall for the abyss. Her eyeballs don’t notice much.
• Glimber gets enough space to do some SHANKing on Sharkman 8. It’s some good quality shanking. Vee would be proud.
• Vee follows suit and shanks Sharkman 14. Got a nice shanking duo goin!
• Zora decides to watch the Abyss with Tempe. Her instincts tingle, telling her the Universe might take an easy way in via some unknown loophole.
• Sharkman 14 gets mad and shanks Vee back.
• Rothuss backs Vee up and stabs Sharkman 14 with his more awake Sabre. Rest in pieces, Sharkman.
• Sharkman 12 thinks Shark is in the way of getting him to his delectable human morsels. Rest in peace, shark. Vee, in typical Vee fashion, swears vengeance in the name of Shark Blood.
• Sharkman 8 works his way in on Glimber.
• Sharkman 20 dives “around the dead one and then just furiously CLAW CLAW BITE CLAW CLAW at Rothuss”. Yeah... not gonna elaborate on this.
• Tempe is on the other end, guarding the Abyss. So far it’s peaceful for her.
• Glimber takes his Pick shanks again to Sharkman 8. This time it’s only a smol shank.

[ROUND 21]

• 14 is Dead (1).
• Vee switches over her revenge plan to Sharkman 20. Ready, aim, Shank! Solid, 8/10.
• Mel swings his Axe, which goes SWISH through the water.
• Zora scooches to the tip of the ledge and stretches as far as her stretchy self will go for Sharkman 8. Rapier says it’s too far.
• Lirt tries her hand at Cantrip. Magic says office hours are closed.
• Rothuss can’t tell if the blood floating in the water is his, the shark’s, or the Sharkmen’s. Probably all three. He cartwheels over to Tempe and asks for healing. #20 is focused on other morsels.

[ROUND 22]

• Sharkman 8 goes for Glimber again. Oof, Glimber will be next in line for healing.
• Tempe doesn’t see Rothuss coming, but reaches over with one hand behind her to try and not have him bleed so much. Apparently she can’t protect and heal effectively at the same time.
• Glimber gets angry and SHANKS Sharkman 8 back TWICE. Not dead yet, but that one’s a heckin 9/10. Don’t mess with gnomes.
• Vee gets annoyed at all the sharkman crowding her space. Her Trident SHANK SHANKs through Sharkman 20. It is now past tense.
• Mel goes over to attack Sharkman 8 and accidentally steps on Glimber in all the chaos. His little whoopsie distracts him a little, but his second strike is enough. Bye bye Shark, doo doo doo-to-doo…
  • Glimber’s definitely the Fire Urchin from Surf’s Up.
• Zora cannot reach from her ledge, so she saves up her energy.
• Lirt’s Cantrip distracts Sharkman 12. I imagine it summons a glitter-filled howler and explodes glitter as it screams. Kidding.
• Rothuss swims over back to the rest to help with the last of them. Ratbone gives him the judgmental side eye.
• 14 is dead (2)

[ROUND 23]

• Ratbone’s judgmental side eye (and facepalm) is correct. Blood loss doesn’t do well for Rothuss. Neither are dead yet, but the 12 he attacks Reverse Unos him and nets him instead.
• Tempe looks back, lets out a long sigh, and hopes everyone else with sharp thingamajigs will help.
• Glimber uses his Pick and stabs Sharkman 12.
• Vee definitely withholds a lot of snarky quips and puts Sharkman 12 out of its misery with her trident.

• Is it Chuvor Time? I think it’s Chuvor Time. Cumulative 40 or under on a d100, or 10% per Sea Devil. Sharif rolls a 41, which Wendy thinks is close enough for a pouch with at least one dose, but ok.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 9
• So let’s go shank more buff Sharkmen? Everyone’s pretty ok besides Rothuss and Glimber. But we can’t stay in the same spot because it’s a tactical disadvantage, so we swim to a different spot, healing as we go. Rothuss takes some healing potion, which leaves Tempe with one more saved slot for another day.
• A couple drawings and shifting of tokens later, Tempe heals Glimber, and everyone is somewhat in a place where they may statistically die later than sooner.
• Current Strategy: Hold and Wait.

[ROUND 1]

• Melange spots buff Sharkman 17 ahead and swings his Axe. It goes SWISH through the water.
• Lirt decides on Cantrip to distract 17.
• Rothuss is behind Glimber and waiting to strike.
• Ratbone stands alert, ready to make her move whenever necessary.
• Glimber goes for Shark 2 with his Footman’s Pick. And thus there’s blood in the water yet again.
• Vee swings her Trident to guard Glimber from possible shark teeth implants and tells Shark 2 to shoo.
• Intermission: It is at this point that we belatedly discover that Melange does not have any armor because you can’t wear Splint Mail under the sea. Which means… use the heck outta that +3 Buckler, sir.

[ROUND 2]

• Tempe takes the rear with her Protection against Evil spell still up and running. So far, nothing of significance comes crawling to test her boundaries.
• Glimber continues chipping away at the shark and makes good progress.
• Vee gives Glimber a helping hand. Two stabs from her Trident later, and Shark 2 is dead.
• Despite being armor-less, Mel holds his own with Sharkman 17. 2 swings is all it takes for almost-death.
• Lirt thinks twice about casting Lightning Bolt and saves us all from rebuilding a character.
• Carder Duo wait for their moment to strike. Rothuss requests a status update from Glimber.
• Meanwhile, Sharkman 18 wants the Dead Shark outta the way.
• Current Sharkmen: #5, 7, 11, 16, 17, 18

[ROUND 3]

• Glimber turns his attention to Sharkman 18. Pick serves him well.
• Vee shanks Sharkman 17 like a fork upsetting a fried fish fillet at the dinner table. Goodbye 17.
• Mel’s axe gets inspired. It goes for Sharkman 5 with haste and yep, that’s blood alright.
• Sharkmen 7 and 5 go for Melange. No dice.
• 18 tries to take a nip out of Glimber. Gnome moves quick.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 10
• Sharkmen Left: #5, 7, 11, 16, 18

[ROUND 4]

• Zora, Lirt, and the Carder Duo keep an eye out. Tempe chills out at the back, making sure nothing gets them from behind.
• Sharkman 7, 5, and 18 all swish around trying to get a morsel. No luck.
• Glimber gets tired and loses grip on his Pick for a moment.
• Vee takes care of Sharkman 5 with two stabs of her Trident. Goodbye #5.
• Mel’s Axe doesn’t seem to like this new environment. It wants to drink margaritas on the beach instead of swinging at buff Sharkman dudes UNDER the sea.
• Lirt waits for her chance.
• Rothuss throws a bit of Mockery at the Sharkmen Collective. Not to be confused with Vicious Mockery, which is apparently an actual spell.
• Ratbone watches her brother taunt the Sharkmen and hopes karma doesn’t bite him back.
• And karma almost does bite— er, net him. 18’s net doesn’t do the job though.
• 7 follows suit with Melange to no avail.
• 16 takes one look at Glimber and goes STAB. Oof, lots of blood there.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 11
• Sharkmen Left: #7, 11, 16, 18

[ROUND 5]

• Tempe’s still chillin’.
• Glimber’s like heck you 16 but then STABS 18 instead.
• Vee finishes it off with another stab of her Trident. Goodbye 18.
• Rothuss inquires Glimber’s status. Melange answers as blood splatters out of #7 and onto his trusty Axe.
• Rothuss scooches around our gnome friend and swings his blades at #16. They say excuse you, give us some prep time before you swing us around a buff Sharkman, thanks.
• #7 is upsetti spaghetti and tries to trap Mel. The net refuses.
• #16 yeets his net towards Rothuss and hopes for the best. The best is a miss.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 12
• Sharkmen Left: #7, 11, 16

[ROUND 6]

• They say you never forgive and never forget the wrongs of another. Glimber gives what he got from #16. Solid.
• Two shanks from Vee’s Trident, and #16 is past tense.
• Meanwhile, Melange swings for #7 with his Axe. First swing goes through water, but the second one is a home run, aka one more Sharkman added to the pile.
• Cumulative Sharkmen Casualties: 14
• Sharkmen Left: #11.
• So where did #11 go again? We loot the Sharkmen corpses for Chuvor. Nothing. I guess that means we peace out on the abyss or keep killing. Maybe on the off chance, fortune may favor the bold and we miraculously stumble upon their Chuvor pile.

Ratbone Rhymes

None to be found, too busy killing sharks on steroids. Will return soon.

Quotes of the Night

wyjyoon: so sadly vee will not turn into a mermaid, got it :)
Carissa: :(
TMO: Rothuss can try stapling a fish tail on her after taking her legs off
Carissa: he wouldn't get past the first cut before she shanked him
TMO: nonono - she'd *volunteer*! It's her best chance to become a mermaid!
Carissa: *stab*

BOB so the next portion is a combo of hating caves and hating the potential to drown AND hating the idea of being crushed by pressure
BOB and as always yes you can go away and never come back leaving the poor Potentate to her fate

Carissa: I'm going to include one of those confetti filled never shuts up joke cards when I send bob wine for this
wyjyoon: i just imagined one of those howlers from harry potter just screaming at bob with maximum enthusiasm
Carissa: that PLUS glitter

Spring (Ratbone Carder): great big shark doo doo doo-to-doo

BOB Lisa is hogging all the brain cells tonight

Spring (Ratbone Carder): lucky shark doo doo doo-to-doo

Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): bob is making me paranoid - zora will hold to see how it goes
Carissa (Vee Barlett): bob? make us paranoid? neverrrr
wyjyoon (Temperance): he makes sure we have proper survival / overthinking skills up to par :)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): my anxiety does that enough already, I don't need his help

BOB 14 is dead
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): 14 is dead
BOB 14 is dead
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): why does everyone think 14 is alive?

Carissa (Vee Barlett): no the other 20

Vee Barlett: Go help Glimbs, Mel
MeLange: where is he?!?!
Vee Barlett: Right under ya

Vee Barlett: Now don't let the one behind find Glimbs. Block 'em with those hard abs of yers!
MeLange: That's what they're there for!

wyjyoon (Temperance): whoa
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): hey!
BOB chuckles
Carissa (Vee Barlett): and now you get to fix that too! yay!
TMO (Rothuss Carder): RUDE
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): LOL

TMO (Rothuss Carder): NO, JTOM, YOU MAY NOT CAST LIGHTNING BOLT

---

Session 2025-01-03c - 2025-01-03s

It’s 2025… in the cAAAAves! Courtesy of Ratbone / Spring from last session. Happy New Year, everyone! Is the moral of the story ‘be careful what you wish for in case you accidentally drown’ or ‘don’t test your GM when he builds the Plans™’?

• Current Count (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Rothuss, Ratbone, Tempe, Melange.
  • We miss our one singular designated Brain Cell.
• Quick Skim of the Night:

1. Ooo, look at them pretty mushrooms! Plus that pretty green wall.
2. Shark Mob! (1)
3. Oh, hello. Those are lonely bones. And mollusks? And that pretty green wall.
4. Shark Mob! (2)
5. Hello, that’s a survivor.
6. Into the Abyss?

• Zora does the responsible thing and tells Julia where we’re headed. She hands off 3 gold, requests a nice prayer for the rest of us as we go off to see what the heck is up with those underwater caverns.
• The first cavern is filled with some glow-in-the-dark fungi. Some of us wish for samples, but the water is being weird and circulating around instead of being still. We better explore that since we’re on the water breathing potion time crunch, so shiny shrooms will be a later thing.
• Rothuss finds a tunnel of some sort under the water, and we all follow his lead. Two tunnels! Left or right? He turns left, and we run into 3 bouncers of the Shark Mob Hideout. Evidently humans aren’t part of the VIP exclusive club.

Note: Lots of holding is involved due to limited space.

• Shark Mob (1)
  • Rothuss decides to say hello to Bouncer #2 via Sabre. Sabre says No.
  • Vee demonstrates how to deliver a proper hello blow via Trident. Bouncer #1 is the unfortunate collateral.
  • Bouncer #3’s defense mechanism is Net. It is ineffective against Vee.
  • Bouncer #2 doesn’t appreciate Rothuss’ greeting. Net is an unsuccessful response.
  • Ratbone takes a knife to shank. Shark stabbing is trickier than expected.
  • Zora and Glimber move closer to assist if necessary.
• Tempe decides it’s not going to help to try to squeeze herself in with five other people in that tight space. She backs out to give more space and finds another… uh, cavern? Chamber? Different cave room because what is vocabulary. And hey, there’s air in there! She tries to communicate that across, and Glimber is able to hear her over the shark shanking.
  • Rothuss shows Bouncer #2 what it means to be ambidextrous. It is very effective!
  • Vee’s like “alright stop showing off” and delivers the final bye bye to #2.
• Tempe swims further in to check it out. Other than air, there’s more glowy fungi! Let’s bookmark this for later? Maybe pencil it in after we’re not in a water breathing time crunch?
  • Bouncer #3 manages to get his claws on Vee. Not deep, but irritating.
  • Ratbone tries to get in some knife action with #3. Knife goes nah.
  • Rothuss goes for double trouble again for #2. Sabre is tired, but Main-gauche is enough! Bye bye #2.
  • Vee is pissed off that #3 clawed her and shows it with her Trident. That extra stab was personal.
• Shark Casualty: 3
• Tempe rejoins to report what she’s found, and we keep swimming hopefully on schedule! We swim into a place with multiple pathways. Personally, it looks like a gingerbread man if you zoom out. There’s an elevated island thingy towards the north, surrounded by water, where a pile of skulls lie all safe and dry. There’s also a pretty green rock thingy towards the south.
• Group splits just a tad to check out the different hot spots.
  • Vee, Ratbone, and Glimber towards the pretty green rock.
  • Zora and Rothuss towards the pile of skulls.
  • Tempe stays near the entrance, just in case something pops up from behind.
• Updates from the Skull Unit:
  • There are only skulls. No rest of the skeleton, which means… the sharks separated the bodies from the heads. Oof. There’s six, which is way less than the number that Lychelle took with her. Rothuss collects the skulls carefully in his pack, with suggestions from the two churchy folk.
  • He then goes to check out the ledge closer to him. It is very dry.
  • Meanwhile, Zora checks the area for traps. A pile of rocks look sus. She’s like “implement social distancing, could be a shark den”.
• Updates from the Green Rock Unit:
  • It’s so pretty Glimber grabs a chunk for himself and Vee. The two also try to compare whether the rock matches the statue’s color. Vee decides it’s too pretty to be similar.
  • Vee decides mollusks are more interesting than the rock. She opens one, but no pearl.
  • There’s a ledge near her too, so she goes to check it out. And oh hello, are those human prints?
  • Vee calls over everybody to check it out with her. Ratbone and Tempe respond to her yelling, and they go scope it out.
  • The three follow a narrow dry path and find another human, by the name of Olmes. Wendy swears it’s the guy from the docks that led us to Uther the Pearl Grump, but details. From the way he’s mumbling about Sea Devils and waving a knife at Vee, it’s clear he’s mentally scarred from the Shark Mob. Yeah, no sane person would wave anything sharp at Vee.
  • Vee’s usual charisma and diplomacy have been marinated in sea water. Tempe summons a bit of Zora’s goodwill into her and— whoa, it works! He still looks like he’d pounce at the first thing that looks at him sideways, but he’s more willing to talk after some healing and nice calming Ratbone music.
  • After an unwilling game of 20 questions that no one wanted, the three find out that: 1) we probably have lots of sharks to go through, 2) the sharks ate most of their party and dragged Lychelle off into some deeper place, and 3) he has a very important thing called Chuvor that lets him breathe.
  • He tags along to save his friend from a terrible fate that may have already befallen.
• We all become one again, with a new guy in tow! We pick a tunnel and follow Rothuss into it. As we expect, we run into one of the beefed up sharks. Zora and Rothuss hear it coming, but OH HO there’s a trap that splashes things into the water to alert everyone in the area. And by everyone, we mean the 27 or so sharks left. Good thing we’ve been keeping a tally.
• Shark Mob (2)
  • Rothuss uses speed to his advantage. Double trouble doesn’t quite work, but Main-gauche emanates main character energy. #2 gets a solid blow.
  • Zora doesn’t want Rothuss running off alone, so she goes after him and takes on #1. Rapier doesn’t quite meet her expectations.
  • Glimber uses his fun-sized physique to get closer.
  • One of the sharks (not quite sure which one) swims away, so Rothuss follows it to try to finish it off.
  • #2 shanks Rothuss with its venom Trident and oof, it’s involuntary sleep.
  • Tempe moves a little closer towards the scuffle as a closer source of healing.
  • Vee is most likely staying put to assess the situation.
  • Ratbone gets worried about her brother, but sticks close to Olmes to make sure he’s gonna be a-okay.
  • Zora and Glimber tag-team #1 with their Rapier and Pick. Bye bye shark.
  • Mel waves his Battle Axe at #2. Another solid blow.
  • #3 calls for back-up.
  • Mel’s Axe gets all violent and that’s bye bye for #2.
  • Glimber yeets Rothuss onto some land so he’s not on some water breathing potion countdown.
  • Zora and Vee both discuss whether to go on a wild goose chase down the sharkman hole full of sharkman.
    • Vee: go chase and massacre.
    • Zora: That’s crazy work.
• We prep for the worst, get Ratbone and Olmes to move in closer into the loopty loop fountain whatever. The other frontliners aka Zora and Melange move over to the little shore Rothuss got yeeted on. Tempe, Ratbone, Olmes, and Vee join them to assess the situation.
• Evidently, the shore has some place to tie people up on. Not surprised, considering the human skull we saw before. Zora spots a fissure below the water, which Olmes can remember is where the sharkman took Lychelle after their feast of the other humans.
• Shark Casualty: 5
• Next on cAAAAves! : Into the abyss to meet and greet the 25 or more other anthropomorphic sharks that may be waiting there.

Ratbone Rhymes

Poor sad old bones, lonely old bones
Poor sad lonely bones far from home


My fine, fine friend, how fine to see you again
What time we'll spend, my fine fine friend
Let's wine, my friend, let time never end
Let's dine my friend, we have the time to spend


Quotes of the Night

BOB Sorry for that, "don't you want to come eat with us? " NO I have a game
Carissa (Vee Barlett): who is us? I'll come eat with you nyrma!

Glimber Silvernose: swims away from Vee so mushrooms don't fall on his head with all her poking
BOB Vee make that check
Carissa (Vee Barlett): what check?
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): poking check
Lisa (Glimber Silvernose): fungal poking

BOB Very well
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): i so hate very well
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): my least favorite bob phrase
Carissa (Vee Barlett): mine is OK followed by Very Well followed by "Sorry quick who wants to go first?"
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): yes the allcap OK is generally bad news

Rothuss Carder: [d20 = 20]
BOB No guards swim through the area
TMO (Rothuss Carder): gold falls from the sky
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): so high all the enemies died of fright

Carissa (Vee Barlett): she yars so much she got confused with her words

TMO (Rothuss Carder): MeLange drops from the ceiling onto the sahuagin and breaks its neck…

BOB and no to Melange being spiderman

Carissa (Vee Barlett): glad walls aren't yelling at me

---

Session 20241227c - 20241227s

Welcome back to another round of Derailing The Builder’s Plans™! The last one of 2024, as I am now realizing. Which means next week we’re entering the new year with HAVE WE NOT CAVED ENOUGH? Courtesy of TMO. Loving the all caps vibe.

Also as a P.S., thank you to Lisa for catching that thing about the Deep Mother and the Throne of Teeth, whatever terrifying prophetic riddle that is. Because Wendy absolutely did not.

• So after the situation with the Sharkman Flash Mob and going through that whole thing with Museio the Sea Elf, we sleep like we’re dead. Marla the Pier Warden wants us to get our bones moving though. (Im)Potentate aka Her Mom wants to meet us.
• Our current count (7): Vee, Zora, Glimber, Melange, ( Rothuss ), Ratbone, ( Tempe )!
  • Yay, nice to see ya Sharif!
  • TMO and Wendy join a little later :)
  • We miss our one singular designated Brain Cell.
• So off we go to the building of stone! Potentate Kara Rynnow is waiting for us in a conference room nicely decorated with sea nymph + other sea creature statues. There’s a map of the Island hanging on the wall.
• Potentate is like “thank goodness you’re here” and then proceeds to give a poetic speech about the Island’s troubles like this is a therapy session that’ll solve all her problems. There were some paragraphs that Bob probably cntrl c + cntrl v, but tl;dr:

1. Seaquake → Chasm opens
2. Lots of fish, hooray!
3. Salvager / Scavenger Lychelle goes into the chasm with a team and brings back some figurine of a sea snake? Which could be Very Important to the Sharkman, fyi.
4. Oh no, the Sharkman Mob!

• To which we respond with various solutions such as:

  a.) Uh, give back the figurine, maybe?
  b.) Capture one alive and talk?

• Vote now on your phones!
• Which goes to say, this all seemed to have happened because one lady decided to take something that wasn’t hers. Maybe common sense isn’t so common, but you know what they say. Don’t touch whatever isn’t yours.
• And then the Potentate is like “100 pearls for you guys to clean up this mess”. Nice reward, but you know what they also say? If it ain’t your toilet, it ain’t your sh*t.

Inserting Wendy Bird Note (01/09): TMO made a pretty good point in Discord about the fact that we also loot as a party. And yes, we DID sell most of it, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact that was all loot from people / creatures that have gone to Rest in Peace. And the profit doesn’t go back to the people / creatures that we got the stuff off of, which... I dunno, gets me thinking too deep about it. Is looting a common thing? If it is, then maybe it IS common sense that we touch whatever isn’t ours. Maybe the vibe’s gotta be mi casa es su casa, except with... stuff? I have to keep reminding myself that Bob’s universe plays by different rules. And that I would also take the knife off of a trout if a trout somehow developed opposable thumbs to grip said knife. Anyways, super great mini discussion! Back to the summary! :)

• Vee hears “caves” and gets a nightmare flashback. Which, fair. We’re totally over it too. But Zora has enough respectable and honorable bones in her body, and says we should help if they need it. Literally two sisters from the same mister, yet so hella different. Hard not to love this dynamic.
• Potentate is like “go find the wizard for some extra help”. Enter Nod, the apprentice. Yep, that’s actually his name. Moment of silence for all the Nod puns that’ll ensue.
• Vee’s like FIIINNNEEE and then requests for more rewards for this clean-up expedition. And not to be sus about everything, but (Im)Potentate responds with… silence, so Wendy doubts there’s going to be anything extra.
• Anyways, back to Barbara to the scene of “This Mess”™. We pay Lychelle’s place a visit so we can talk to her dad, who is anxious about his MIA daughter. Gonna say MIA because not sure she’s past tense yet. But we get some Lychelle lore and the problematic statues that we take into custody to hopefully return. It’s a real Oprah moment, except you get a statue.
• So now we gotta make a pit-stop to The Chasm, where we proceed to fail all our rolls. Yeah… Vee wasn’t kidding about this venture being a curse. We decide to come back later when the dice are feeling better.
• So let’s be off, to see the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Follow the yellow brick road to the Last House, and you’ll find a rugged old man named Laurish Samprey who looks more like a pirate than a wizard. His portrait is super cool, ngl. He has an otter familiar named Scratch, which… okay, but it’s more friendly than the hormonally angry messes we met at that one river / lake whatever, so we chill.
• He seems generous, which lifts our spirits a little bit. Because after sea caves and chasms we be heckin pressed.
  • We have received: Water Breathing Potions (4 doses per bottle) + A Swimming Proficiency Ring!
  • Water Breathing Potions are 1 hour (60 rounds) + extra 1d10 rounds. Too many numbers but I think I got em?
• Anyways, back to the Cursed Chasm. Hello Rothuss! Apparently he has a spell that’ll create a gigantic magical frisbee able to defy gravity. Cool! Tempe volunteers as tribute because she’s getting less cautious. Vee gets to do some proper sailor knots on her to make sure that there’s some contingency. In case… well, the frisbee from Aladdin decides it doesn’t want to be there no more. We don’t have enough brain cells to put one on Glimber, so Tempe gets to test out her arm strength should something happen.
• Spoiler, nothing happens! Yay, thanks Rothuss! Tempe holds the light in one hand and hangs onto Glimber with the other while gnome friend does his thing. Conclusion? Lots of digging = too much work! So travel by water, as Vee will always prefer to say!
• Anyways, we need a… uhh, smaller floating water vessel? Calling it that because Wendy’s brain cells are no longer coherent in English, obviously. We visit a grumpy pearl diver Uther so we can borrow his floating water vessel. He is grumpy because water dangerous = less pearls. Bad for business.
• He feels a little better about the fact that WE might be doing something about it. Is he happy enough to give us a freebie? Nah, the price is 12 pearls for his services. We decide to put it on (Im)Potentate’s tab and call it a day.
• So, currently: We’re off to a sea cavern to attempt to 1) find a lost explorer and 2) uno reverse the Sharkman Mob attack by respectfully yeeting their prized sea snake statues back to where they belong for at least 100 or so pearls. Regrettably, extra reward is to be determined, BUT we are equipped with Water Breathing Potions + A Swimming Ring from a generous Pirate Wizard, and a grumpy pearl diver will take 12 pearls to meet us at noon at a designated spot to make sure we pass the Signs of Life vibe check.
• Alright, goodbye 2024! Let’s hope that this clean up venture isn’t as cursed as it seems?

Ratbone Rhymes

Vee needs rum!
In her tummy tum tum.
Because it's no fun.
In the caaaaAAAAAAAaaaves!

We don't wanna die,
but we'll give it a try.
It's not like we can fly.
In the caaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaves!


Quotes of the Night

Spring: Silly cat
Spring: They act like they have multiple lives or something

Lisa: ”The larger creature responded, 'As the Deep Mother commands, The Stone Which Abides shall be returned to the Throne of Teeth.'
Lisa: game of teeth thrones
Shislif (MeLange): Throne of teeth doesn't sound fun
Lisa: no

Spring (Ratbone Carder): maybe we respectfully take the statue, hurl it into the sea, and shove off from port?

Inv Zora Polasis: nods at Nod
Nod (Human): Nods, slight smile

Vee Barlett: Heroism ain't worth shit. You better hope them pearls are.

Vee Barlett: It has caves. Why ain't it open sea or somethin' fun? Why do caves be my curse?
Temperance: Who knows, maybe you were destined for caves, Vee.
Temperance: shrugs.
Vee Barlett: Well I am gonna ask Pa or Dad if they made some damned deal that cursed me as such.
Inv Zora Polasis: laughs

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): we're off to see the wizard!
wyjyoon (Temperance): the wonderful wizard of...

BOB I will say she does NOT cast to keep things simple for later
Carissa (Vee Barlett): ....why do we need her to save spells Bob? Huh? Why??

Shislif (MeLange): oh otters are different they adorable :)
BOB Melange has selective memories of the otters from the river in the mountains
wyjyoon (Temperance): shh let him think that otters are cute
wyjyoon (Temperance): they usually are
BOB Oh look how cute! as it is hanging off of his arm chewing on his wrist
Shislif (MeLange): lol
Shislif (MeLange): wrist probably had it comin

wyjyoon (Temperance): dolphins are so intelligent they can be salty when they want
wyjyoon (Temperance): that's my take
Carissa (Vee Barlett): and why vee loves them
Carissa (Vee Barlett): she might be a teeny tiny salty herself
wyjyoon (Temperance): *very salty

Shislif (MeLange): we're trying to find a way into the caves down below?
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): we're going into caverns to look for a lost expedition leader named Lychelle and try to stop the saughin attacks
BOB Yes
BOB and yes
TMO (Rothuss Carder): WHY MORE CAVES?? HAVE WE NOT CAVED ENOUGH?
BOB and yes
Carissa (Vee Barlett): EXACTLY THANK YOU

Rothuss Carder: What's the password?
Vee Barlett: I'll knock yer teeth out

Rothuss Carder: It'd help if that wasn't your answer to everything, Vee. “Where shall we go for lunch?” “TO SEA!”

---

Session 20241220c - 20241220s

Welcome back to another round of Derailing The Builder’s Plans™! Wendy is equipped with tea and migraines to a less painful degree, but brain buffers will still happen. If I don’t see y’all next session, Happy Holidays and Merry New Years!

• Ok, but less talking and more doing because the Sharkman flash mob is here. They’re upsetti spaghetti because we stole their parking spot, and have tridents and nets to prove they mean business.
  • Officially, they’re called Sahuagin, and they appear much funnier on google than the icons Bob put on FG.
• Our current count (6): Lirt, Rothuss, Ratbone, Zora, Glimber, and Tempe.
  • Vee is MIA, Julia is… looking after the Museio the Sea Elf Maiden, and Hieroman is off pursuing his own Hero’s Journey.

This one’s a long one, so for the sake of my sanity, it is made more digestible by divisions + intermission. You’re welcome.

• Fish are FOOD, Not Friends… except We Might Be the Fish, Part I
  • Ratbone’s like “the heck y’all waiting for?”, bashes her club at the first Sharkman 3, and flashes a diamond grin for extra damage to the eyes.
  • Lirt’s like “shiny? I have shiny” and unleashes a meteor shower from her wand at Sharkman 5.
  • Tempe attempts to join, but her dagger says NOPE.
  • Glimber grabs his footman pick and picks some shark meat off of Sharkman 1.
  • Zora’s rapier finds joy in slashing Sharkman 2.
  • Rothuss’ saber might need a minute to warm up.
• Part II
  • Sharkman 4 stabs Tempe with its Trident.
  • Sharkman 3 throws a net at Ratbone. Ratbone becomes the first catch.
  • Sharkman 5 goes “I got the other one!” and throws a net at Rothuss. Suffice to say, it didn’t get the other one.
  • Sharkman 2 aims for Zora instead. Zora becomes the second catch.
  • Sharkman 1 goes “the small fry for me!” and throws its net. Glimber becomes the third catch.
• Part III
  • Ratbone goes Bard Mode and breaks the net. And probably curses out Sharkman 4 off with her eyeballs.
  • Lirt throws another meteor at Sharkman 4.
  • Tempe’s dagger is done warming up and takes some blood off Sharkman 4.

Intermission: Commotion has spread to the docks.

• Glimber might need a detangling brush for that net.
• Zora follows Ratbone’s She-Hulk example and she’s free!
• Rothuss wants revenge on Sharkman 5 for trying to net him. His blade is buffering.

• Part IV
  • Sharkman 4 tries to throw a net at Tempe, but she dodges.
  • Sharkman 3 stabs Ratbone with its Trident.

Intermission 2: It’s supposed to be a light wound, but that trident has poison or venom, so she falls to the deck unconscious. Like Sleeping Beauty pricking her finger and falling asleep.

• Sharkman 5’s like “it’s better down where it’s wetter, PEACE” and tries to yeet itself out into the water.
  • Rothuss tries to deliver the last blow to Sharkman 5 but his blade doesn’t want violence… yet.
  • Lirt helps out and makes it past tense before it makes it back to the sea. Talk about fast reflexes, man.
• Sharkman 2 tries to stab Zora. But his buddy dying probably threw a wrench into his concentration.
• Sharkman 1 decides Glimber is enough for a parking fee and drags him under water.

• Part V
  • Lirt tries to throw a Dagger at Sharkman 2. It cries “Dagger is Free!” as it sails out into the ocean.
  • Ratbone is still an involuntary Sleeping Beauty.
  • Tempe’s dagger doesn’t want to work today.
  • Glimber’s like “I don’t wanna be a merman!”
  • Zora’s pretty upset that they took Glimber. She shows it with her rapier, and Sharkman 2 gets the brunt of it.
  • Rothuss delivers the final blow to Sharkman 2. It clears the way for Zora.
• Part VI
  • Sharkman 4 stabs Tempe and hopes they get two extra maidens with the very much land-attached gnome. Tempe keeps her eyes open.
  • Sharkman 3 side-eyes 4 like “you can’t take out a simple human?” and tries it for itself. Tempe keeps her glare and her consciousness.
  • Lirt comes over to help, bless her, but she’s all out of expert daggermanship.
  • Tempe goes “heck you evil creatures!” and casts Protection Against Evil.
  • Just as Glimber frees himself, Zora dives in to try to save him.
  • Rothuss comes over to help Tempe and his sister out with the two leftovers. He shanks Sharkman 3 with his sabre and tries for another with his main-gauche. Sharkman 3 still lives.
  • Sharkman 4 thinks Tempe is up for grabs… and then flinches back because of her shield.
  • Sharkman 3 tries to drag Ratbone back with it over the railing, but Rothuss’ sabre is buffering no longer, so it “just dies”.
• Part VII
  • Sharkman 1 doesn’t want to lose his parking fee so he claws at Zora like an angry cat. Fortunately, Zora’s fine with Sharks that deliver cat-level scratches.
  • Lirt tries her luck with her dagger one more time and … Success!
  • Glimber is the sloth to Zora’s tree.
  • Zora wards off Sharkman 1 with her rapier.
  • Rothuss takes care of Sharkman 4 with his main-gauche.

Intermission 3: Welcome Carissa to the “We Like to Breathe" portion of the night.

• Part VIII
  • Vee dash-and-dives to mess up the dude who decided to mess with her sister. Her fury isn’t great for accuracy.
  • Sharkman 1 doesn’t give up and cat-claws Zora.
  • Lirt tosses Zora and Glimber a rope so that they’re not left to marinate in salt water.
  • Zora grabs the rope, but Glimber is like a baby koala attached to her, so pulling up takes a bit.
  • Vee stabs Sharkman 1 and spreads blood in the water. Bye Sharks. No parking fee for you.
  • Glimber grabs the rope too, and together, they’re all able to come back up, yay!
• Tempe checks on Ratbone to make sure she isn’t past tense. Her brain surprisingly still functions despite losing 20 hp, and she can tell that the poison from the Trident is different from the bolt poison that stabbed the sea elf.

Intermission 4: Tempe’s brain might be heckin great, but Wendy’s brain is buffering, so…

• Tempe leaves Rothuss to keep an eye on his sister and goes down to speak to Julia to see if she’ll know anything. You know, because she’s at a higher level and all that. Julia wants to see if Tempe wants to pray for the recently passed Sea Elf, but Tempe’s so preoccupied with Ratbone that she throws propriety out the window. Julia’s chill enough to be like “okay, let’s prioritize the living”.
• Vee and Lirt look around. Vee disses the Trident for looking trashy, while Lirt is like “it might just be paralysis venom”.
• Tempe and Julia come up to the deck. Tempe comes to the same conclusion as Lirt, while Julia’s just like “let’s pray for her” and hopes that Tempe is right.
• Tempe wants a sample of the venom / poison from the Tridents, but for time’s sake stashes them below deck and joins everyone else in their journey to Angler. Leading them is Marly Rynnow The Pier Warden, daughter of the Island’s Very Important Person. You know, the Potentate with potential. Apparently they will meet in the morning.
• We get to the Sweetclover, where we hope to catch a break. Ratbone talks in her sleep, Glimber thinks she’s possessed, and Tempe checks on everyone else but herself.
• Before Rothuss can go all mother hen on her, Tempe finally realizes she’s the one with all the blood over her and heals herself. Isn’t she forgetting something, though? Who knows? She’s all giggly and lightheaded from losing life essence.
• Thankfully, Vee and Rothuss have their heads screwed on. The elf is still left on the ship, and they don’t want any more Sharkmen to chomp away the Lady. Zora and Glimber remain with Ratbone to watch her as the rest amble down to the docks, dry wit and light threats of stabbing in tow.
• Tempe wants to check on the elf, so Vee makes Rothuss accompany her below deck while she and Lirt search the upper.
• The Sea Elf is Very Dead, and Tempe mourns the loss. She does some ceremonial ritual that she hopes is appropriate and prays that she will find peace in whatever realm she’s gone to. Rothuss helps her carry Sea Elf out.
• Meanwhile, Vee’s got her head dunked into the water, trying to ask the fish feeding off the shark corpses what proper rituals may be for passed sea creatures. As Rothuss and Tempe carry the Sea Elf off the ship, she notices the bracers on the Sea Elf.
• Rothuss doesn’t feel particularly great that Vee’s trying to take something from the elf as soon as she’s passed. Vee thinks it’s important to test out the bracers’ effects by the water. Rothuss wants to stab her (very seriously). Tempe tells Vee it should be fine as long as she is careful, but warns her that what might be good for the Sea Elf might not be for her as a human.
• Vee gets what’s coming to her though, because she gets so excited that she falls over onto the dock and into the water sans swimming. She feels slippery from the effects of the bracers, but uh… it doesn’t help her breathe underwater. Rothuss gets a temporary dopamine rush from watching her flail around.
• The four decide to carry her to Julia’s newly-established church… which has a long waitlist. Rothuss steps on a couple toes as he makes his way inside, clumsily tells Julia what happened. Julia tells him to join her for the mourning ceremony (?) the following morning, so Rothuss leaves Sea Elf with her and then stumbles back out, coughing out incense fumes.
• Everyone reconvenes at the inn, gets some sleep, and finds Ratbone nice and awake the following morning.
• Next Episode: Mourning Service for the Sea Elf + meeting the Potentate with the potential.

Ratbone Rambles

Hmmph. Hm. No. No, FIVE loons. Chuffleturkey.
Ummmmmmm. Mmmm. Blibbons. Blibbbbbbons. Like the frooly.
Chutney prints. Prints. Prince? Thank you, darling.
Which urchin? Mmm hmm.
No the corn is fraudulent
Mmmmm hmm gift boogers


Quotes of the Night

BOB So does anyone have any questions about what is happening?
wyjyoon (Temperance): creatures attacking?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): who invited the flash mob?
Lisa: they said we parked in their spot and fighting ensued
wyjyoon (Temperance): is the fine for the parking one of our limbs?
wyjyoon (Temperance): because that's pretty steep

Spring (Ratbone Carder): everybody was KUNG FU fighTIN'!
wyjyoon (Temperance): HAH!
BOB Those cats were fast as lighting
Spring (Ratbone Carder): HUH!

JtomTMO (Lirtimya): I think he's getting away from me, since I hit him in the face with a missile, and Rothuss is drunk

TMO (Rothuss Carder): when in doubt, blame Bob

Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): cries for Rothuss
wyjyoon (Temperance): cheers for Lirt
TMO (Rothuss Carder): I'm glad one of the TMOs is effective
TMO (Rothuss Carder): 3 cheers for Effective TMO!
wyjyoon (Temperance): *pops confetti for both TMOs*
Rothuss Carder: is blinded by the confetti

wyjyoon (Temperance): hm... thinking
TMO (Rothuss Carder): cast Slay All Enemies

TMO (Rothuss Carder): then we will do that, and try to protect both Ratbone and Tempe with my presence (for what it's worth)
BOB OOO what did you get them?
TMO (Rothuss Carder): we will have to see!

BOB Ahhh
BOB so it just dies

BOB Checking with Lisa on breathing
Lisa (Inv Zora Polasis): I would like to
wyjyoon (Temperance): we would like her to as well
TMO (Rothuss Carder): one of my favorite activities. highly recommend it
Spring (Ratbone Carder): please do some
wyjyoon (Temperance): great for brain activity and circulating blood around
BOB and Welcome Carissa to the "we like to breath" portion of the night

Temperance: [CHECK] Intelligence (vs. Target 13) [SUCCESS by 7] [d20 = 6]
wyjyoon (Temperance): thank you tempe's brain
TMO (Rothuss Carder): "This program has been sponsored by ... Tempe's Brain. For all your Braining Needs."

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