Student Loans

Bear Went Over the Mountain - Session Summaries List

Session 20240628c - 20240628s?

• Hello folks, welcome back to another episode of Doing Things for The Church.
• The first part of the night involves Wendy learning more about the CHURCH and its complexities. Other than the fact that Tempe has to have a title that she will not want to use, it’s still pretty mumbo-jumbo, so… figuring out as we go!
• At Seven Sirens Tavern, Levi, Temperance, and Vee are casually roasting the Snow Man over a fire pit. The general consensus is that he’s a whackjob that nobody really wants to see again.
• And then DUN DUN DUN Levi’s sister Lila literally comes over and eases into conversation like she was part of it the whole time. Apparently she’s staying at the tavern with some of her employees.
• As planned, Levi brings up “the boat that dad keeps calling mine”, which doesn’t please Lila one bit. The conversation goes something like:
  • So can I have my boat?
  • Did you use it to help out the family business?
  • I went on tons of adventures with these guys and fought off lots of bad stuff.
  • Okay, but that’s none of my business, now is it?
• So, okay. Lila thinks Levi not pulling his own weight at home is a problem. No amount of convincing from Vee will change that. However, she does like Vee, and it’s a benefit for her if Levi goes to Osterhold to trade stuff / drop off stuff in her stead.
• In exchange for the boat, she wants Tempe to curse Levi to make sure he has consequences to bring his boat back. Flashback to when Jericho had a geas that sent him on some wild chase with a rum and a stamp? Rum Runner something or other. Yeah, no one wants to do that again.
• Both Wendy and Tempe are like heck no, we’re not cursing nobody ‘round here. She’s a priestess of Law and Order, thank you. Lila’s like “I trust the church to support me in this decision”, which Tempe has mixed feelings about.
• We end up paying 20 gold (10 for Reed family business, 10 for supplies) in addition to Temperance performing some magical mumbo-jumbo to ensure Levi brings back her boat.
• And then Melange comes over and tries to work his way into Lila’s good graces. Which Lila is tolerant of to say the least.
• So, the mumbo-jumbo part: Temperance makes Lila and Melange sign a document that states the terms of Levi’s consequences. Lila is appeased, Mel wonders why Lila is Lila, Tempe is on the brink of abandoning priesthood to be a hermit herbalist, and Levi allegedly will receive a curse that will somehow only effect Melange. Which means we better not lose that boat.
• Goodnight. Next episode: off to Osterhold!

Session 20240621c - 20240621s

• The evening starts with everyone waking up in Violette’s house. Tempe and Lirt meditate / study to regain their spells because everyone needs healing and we need Lirt to turn our foes into ashes, please and thank you.
• We pause to discuss where we’re going next. As always, no one wants to deal with churchy folk more than necessary, so Osterhold. Honestly, at this point, where are the chill churchy folk at? Mizzen apparently.
• We make a quick pitstop at the Church of Mists and magically teleport over to the Temple of Orange Sunsets. Vee gets antsy about getting the heck outta there, and talks to Tempe about empty pockets, ringless fingers, and shanking all the unwanted suitors to get herself out of her grumpy mood.
• YAY, a tavern, where people can power down and find joys at the bottom of the bottle!
  • Rothuss, Lirtimya, and Ratbone turn in early to get more sleep.
  • Levi and Vee get into discussion about who is getting the boat. Vee wants to see Levi suffer— I mean, check in with Levi’s family. And Levi… well, he’s chill with his biological circle except Lila. Problem is, Lila’s got the family business in her chokehold, so he’d really rather go back into the caves than deal with his bloodline.
  • Mel gets used as a bargaining chip for funsies. Which Mel ends up giving consent for, because he does want to meet Levi’s family. Levi says too fast too serious, which is valid. Whatever the case, Vee gets a bargaining chip for future references and continues to merrily torment Levi.
  • Tempe sits back and entertains herself by watching this discussion. And while she’s learning to be less socially blasé, her attempts to even out the playing field don’t last long. Not enough care in her care cup, it seems.
  • As conclusions about who convinces Lila in what ways are still up in the air, Joycelyn Pemberton walks over to them and starts talking. She knows Vee and Tempe, which is very strange because…uh, they’ve never met.
  • Joycelyn seems to have no problem divulging the fact that Vee and Tempe are “operatives” sent out by the churchy folk, whatever the heck that means, and that she’s some security person for the Temple of Orange Sunsets.
    • It is at this point that Wendy would like to respectfully inquire: BOB, Sir Builder of the Plans™ — are you saying that we just got to this tavern, specifically passing Church of Mists and Temple of Orange Sunsets, to then meet some investigator from the Temple we just left from?
  • Anyways, dealing with this turn of events is placed on the back burner. Joycelyn’s job today is playing mailwoman, and her package for us is some weird-looking key from the Duke of Mizzen. Evidently, he’s left it with the church and now he’s in some deep doo-doo.
  • Vee tries to squeeze some information outta Joycelyn. Nada. The lady’s just playing messenger, and the only thing she knows is that there’s a letter waiting for them at Osterhold. Apparently all the exclusive higher-ups of religious institutions are bandwagoning on hoarding all the information, because nobody else knows a gosh darn thing.
  • After giving her some stink-eye, Tempe takes the box. Levi’s none too pleased about this turn of events, so he goes to drown his frustrations down the bottom of the bottle. Or barrel, whatever he needs. And hey, would ya look at that, Joycelyn’s doing the same.
  • Vee chats up Joyce over a drink. They’re good until they get to this philosophical story about a ship, and then the conversation spirals into patriarchy and shanking and how to persuade Lila.
  • Then Levi and Vee do their thing. You know, where they wish misfortune upon each other. Tempe is like nah, we need him to chop up foes if necessary, and promptly returns to opening the package.
  • While Tempe is trying to be responsible and sober, the other two continue doing their thing. Vee throws a bottle and Levi recites an inappropriate poem about her pa, which prompts Tempe to clean the mess and contemplate whether she should shut them up with a silence spell. She doesn’t, in case they get jumped for whatever reason. Because why wouldn’t they? The evening is perfectly chaotic enough to expect another whirlwind.
  • Apparently the universe wants a bit of reprieve. Gloria walks into all of this mess and offers food to Tempe. To which she agrees gratefully, but there’s so much going on that her response time is a little delayed.
  • Joyce finally gets fed up with their chaos and walks out. Which is exactly what Levi wants. He stops his shenanigans, Vee settles down, and they go back to focusing on the key. Which Tempe observed in their act of chaos moments prior, but now they’ve got undivided attention.
  • Key is golden / brass, but is divided into parts for some ceremonial reasons, perhaps? It probably requires some specialist to try and get them undone. The box is pretty high quality, Vee observes. Levi thinks it might be a gift set that the Duke might gift to someone to show that he likes them, which in turn gives them some influence? It has his symbols. But the missing part is also the letter in Osterhold, so they have to head there to get a better picture of this new assignment.
  • Now that the key is out of the way, Levi starts grilling Tempe about her association with the Cathedral. Clearly, he feels betrayed that she’d keep this secret on the downlow. Which, valid. Vee argues back that priests are just pawns on the religious institution’s chessboard, and tells him to play nice.
  • Tempe lets Levi be upset, mostly because nothing he says bothers her much. Mel can’t leave this alone, however. He might wield an axe and spill the blood of his enemies, but he’s also a softie that doesn’t want hurt feelings to snowball into unnecessarily hurtful words. Which is nice, but there’s no hard feelings when it comes to discussion. At least, there isn’t until Tempe decides to give it a darker twist. Looking back on it, she probably should’ve sugarcoated her words a bit. But when was she ever good at that?
  • Tempe satiates her curiosity, tells Mel that she’ll still do her job properly, and everyone breathes a little as they go off to sleep.
  • Next on our list: probably Osterhold. Most likely, Levi and Vee check in with their flesh and blood, we attempt to get the letter at the Cathedral, Mel tries to keep the good vibes strong, and Tempe struggles over the ethics of her role as a healer and her abrupt association with uppity churchy folk.

Quotes of the Night.

Powering down...mental batteries 2%

Session 20240614c - 20240614s

• Will be updated once Wendy gets enough brain noodles untangled to read through story chat, ty.

Quotes of the Night.

Coming soon to theatres near you!

Session 20240607c - 20240607s

• A little late, sorry folks. But welcome back to another episode of The Giants Help Us Do Our Thing! Melange is back, but the urchins aren’t the urchins we know. Seafood for dinner, anyone?
• The night is probably easiest to review if we divide into two rounds. It starts off with 3 people briefly chatting about free vacations, Republicans, and JTom making a dumpling joke.
• We buffered a bit at the beginning about when the giants were lifting the wreck and where the urchins actually were, but tl;dr, the giants were able to lift it 10 feet above the water, there were stairs for us to climb into, and yay! We made it!
• Everyone splits up to take different areas of the ship. Wendy’s noodly brain does not have space for map-reading, sorry. Not my area.
• While we’re handling that, a giant fish swims around the giants and takes offense to the fact that two pairs of large feet are blocking its swimming lane. It takes a CHOMP outta Berte’s ankle as an appetizer.
• As soon as that happens— hey, Carissa’s here! It’s like the blood in the water is the weird occultic circle summoning her, y’know?
  • The giant fish isn’t the only thing we have to worry about, though. Melange gets distracted with checking in with the giants, giving just enough time for the yellow urchin to take a stab at him with three… spines? You know, the sharp skinny pointy things. Fortunately, it’s just a light scratch for him, but– dang, that’s one heck of a welcome gift.
  • This is the point where we discover that the “urchins” are 3 feet tall and have sharp pointy things. Wendy absolutely did not consider the fact that the “urchins” being able to swallow a monkey estimated its size. Wendy also looked up what a like-like is, and it’s… this weird sea anemone-looking thing with teeth at the top. Sometimes humans create the most interesting monstrosities, it’s awesome.
  • So yeah, we’re the newbies of this wreck of a community, and it gets worse. Before any of us can react, another yellow urchin takes three stabs at Lirtimya. And somehow crits on the third roll. Which means she’s down for the count.
  • Meanwhile, Temperance stumbles into a black urchin. It attacks with its spines, but she manages to step away with a light scratch. Whew.
  • Melange doesn’t particularly appreciate this aggressive welcome gift, and personally attempts to introduce his hand axe to this urchin. Except he just got scratched by the spines and the lights are dim, so it swings around in the air.
  • Rothuss finds Lirt passed out and losing blood, so he drags her away to make sure she’s out of reach from urchin stabbings.
  • Meanwhile, Temperance is trying to decide if she should stab back or cast back. She decides to risk it with Cause Light, which– surprisingly doesn’t cause her any damage in return. Good to know.
  • Yeah, Carissa ends up returning to some crazy stuff. After a bit of discussion, Vee jumps back in the water to help take care of the ankle-biter fish. Wendy discovers at this moment that there’s actually two, so– twin ankle-biters? But they’re no match for Vee and her supershank. She takes a stab at both and they’re almost fish-skewers! Darn, we coulda had them for dinner.
  • Meanwhile, Temperance is still struggling with this black urchin. She takes out her dagger this time and tries to take a stab at it. She needs more training with weapons, though, so the dagger doesn’t do much.
  • Melange doesn’t like that this mollusk is getting an upper hand, so he takes his axe and goes for a chop. It doesn’t die, but it’s close, which means… seafood? Yes, seafood, but how does he carry it back to everyone else? By wrapping it up like a seafood burrito with a hammock.
  • Except you need strength and dexterity to do that, apparently, so he’s only able to throw the hammock on it before the giants clock out for lunch break.
  • Even though Mel is the closest to the giants in terms of hearing range, he’s too preoccupied with the urchin to register that he needs to get out. And then he… uh, gets a very bad charley horse and cannot swim.
  • Everyone’s justifiably confused by the fact that Melange isn’t surfacing because– he’s like our best swimmer besides Vee? So Vee goes to check up on him.
• After successfully dragging Melange out of the water, everyone regroups to eat while the giants waddle back to their base camp. Temperance orisons, which means Lirtimya is awake to be wise and responsible another day!
• Everyone regroups to eat while the giants waddle back to their base camp. Temperance orisons, which means Lirtimya is awake to be wise and responsible another day! She’s still considered walking wounded though, which means she’s chilling with Violette while everyone else figures out this whole urchin situation.
• Round 2, in the name of pearls and seafood?
  • Giants lift up the ship, and this time, instead of scattering everywhere like mice in the kitchen, Melange, Rothuss, and Temperance decide to stick together whilst Vee stays on the lookout for more murderous fish.
  • Mel’s still salty about not being able to get that seafood hammock burrito, so he goes to finish it off. And finish it off he does– by swaddling it and throwing it to Berte so she can crush it. Whoops.
  • The next urchin is yellow, which is probably the one that stabbed Lirt to near-death. There are no hammocks within the area, so Rothuss goes for a blanket instead. He swoops it over said urchin… and sees it swoosh to the side like a toddler on steroids. Right, it moves. Fan-flipping-tastic.
  • While Melange takes his battle axe and expertly slices the urchin open like a sushi chef, Vee’s glaring out into the sea, preemptively threatening any fish.
  • We get some blanket buff because Yellow Urchin keeps missing. Melange takes the chance to beat said urchin to a pulp. Was it revenge in Lirt’s name or was it because he was hangry? No one knows the will of the Effective One.
  • Rothuss and Temperance drag the dead urchin and throw it overboard. The clock’s ticking, so they hurry over to the black one that Temperance accidentally bumped into earlier.
  • Temperance thinks it might help if they have something to throw, so she hands Rothuss three stones for him to try. Which he does throw, but relying on torchlight doesn’t bode well for his accuracy.
  • Melange swings his axe around a little bit, but reaches Maximum Combat Mode and… well. Let’s just say the spiny squishy thing is now less spinier and just squishier.
  • They throw the thing overboard, collect all the squishy urchin burritos into a pile, and everyone peaces out for the night.

Quotes of the Night.

Rothuss Carder: Lirt! You okay over there?
Lirtimya: Dying to urchin sounds

Rothuss Carder: Lirt's down!! Lirt's down!
Rothuss Carder: drag drag drag

Vee Barlett: [SKILL] Swimming [MOD:STR] (vs. Target 14) [SUCCESS by 12] [d20 = 2]
BOB WOW
Shislif (MeLange): Nice swimming!
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Nice roll!
wyjyoon (Temperance): She wants to be where the mermaids are
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yuuup

BOB TMO are you going to carry Lirt with blood all over her into the water to get over to the rock there?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Gonna feed me to the fish now TMO?

TMO (Rothuss Carder): maybe I can drop Lirt over the side and knock the Gar out? :D
BOB LOL with TMO
wyjyoon (Temperance): LOL TMO
Shislif (MeLange): lol please do it
wyjyoon (Temperance): With her consent, ideally
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lmao
Shislif (MeLange): lol
Shislif (MeLange): ideally
Vee Barlett: [ATTACK (M)] [THACO(17)] [d20+2 = 11]
Attack [11] ->[ATTACK (M)] (Trident) [at Fish, Giant Gar 1] [Hit-AC: 6 vs. 3 ] [AC: 6 ] [MISS]
Carissa (Vee Barlett): well....maybe you do need to drop her
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): As I said he's going to feed me to the fish
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
Shislif (MeLange): some crazy fish
wyjyoon (Temperance): Crazy giant fish
Shislif (MeLange): so like dolphins?

BOB So can Mel swim?
MeLange: abandon the urchin and heads for the water
Shislif (MeLange): of course
BOB Make that check
MeLange: [SKILL] Swimming [MOD:STR] (vs. Target 18) [FAILURE by 1] [d20 = 19]
Shislif (MeLange): how dare you sir
Shislif (MeLange): doh
Carissa (Vee Barlett): SERIOUSLY?!
Shislif (MeLange): you cursed us Bob!
BOB chuckles

Session 20240531c - 20240531s

• Details fixed with chat logs! Thank you guys for pointing out the missing details!
• Hello, friends! We start off the night realizing that Internet will be merciless tonight. Lots of yelling into the void and the void yelling back.
• Anyways, we’re coming at you live from the rocky island located in the middle area of Lake Eerie! As of current, there’s a giant camp, two people cursed into foliage at the shores, and… who knows what else is in the lake?
• Vee decides to explore the giant camp with the hopes that they’re nocturnal giants so that they can sneak a peek.
• Because we’re not sure we can maneuver around the water ourselves, we agree!
• Again, canoe only holds 3 people, but Rothuss decides to hang onto the side.
• So Vee, Levi, Rothuss and Lirt take the canoe and paddle over to the giant camp.
• When they reach the shores, Rothuss crosses over that conveniently-placed tree bridge and spots… one giant.
• Said giant looks responsive to Rothuss’ body language, and then grumbles about having to cater to his lack of multilingual capacity.
• After conversing in all caps back and forth, we discover that the giants have laid claim over the shipwreck. They’re not done “harvesting” it yet. So what do we do if we want to explore too? Duel to second blood, whatever that means.
• They bow respectfully to each other as a show of sportsmanship, I think? We get a name for the Jungle Giant Lady Warrior. Berte Lonerider is about 18 feet tall, which means all humans are less than a third of her size.
• So the Duel of Second Blood begins!
  • Rothuss gets to go first because Berte is… amused by his HEROIC nature? At this point Wendy doesn’t really know what’s going on, but what else is new?
  • He takes his sabre and HEROICALLY aims for Berte’s legs, but misses.
  • Berte gently brushes him aside because she doesn’t want to hurt him more than necessary. But wait, she’s a giant, so her version of “gently brushing him aside” involves spinning him around like a hula hoop and yeeting him across the water. Like that one game on Nintendo Switch that yeets your character off the screen with the meteor light.
  • Mathematically, that should’ve killed him, but who needs Science and Math when there’s Magic? So huzzah, he rises up from the water and lives to swim another day.
  • Rothuss swims back and picks up his sabre from a bush with Vee’s help. Berte waits for his next attack because she’s gracious to tiny human warriors.
  • He does a HEROIC tumble so that he can take advantage of being comparatively tiny, and then stabs Berte in the calf with his sabre.
  • Success! First blood, though temporary damage because they’re both respectful of each other. Which is always nice, y’know?
  • Berte is probably flabbergasted that this tiny human is actually doing damage. She’s like, alright, playtime’s over! and goes to throw him back into the water. Alas, she’s dazed and confused, Rothuss is a third of her size and fleet-footed; conclusively, catching him ain’t easy.
  • Taking advantage of this, Rothuss attempts to climb onto her back so he won’t take or do any damage.
  • But climbing a giant jungle warrior lady is not the same as climbing the tree, so he tumbles off. Berte takes the chance to try to attack him again, but misses.
  • He takes the chance to try to slice the back of Berte’s knees. And huzzah! Second Blood!
  • So Berte admits defeat, and two foes suddenly become two friends! She honors him respect as a “warrior” equal, apparently finds this quality attractive, and decides to graciously grant him a wish. Which, hey! Nice to have this swing a bit in our favor.
• After discussion, Rothuss asks Berte for assistance with the ship! The deal is that us tinier folk will get into smaller spaces that giant hands cannot reach, and the giants can lift the wreck. Art of trade, quid pro quo or something like that?
• While discussion is happening, Lirt understands that reeds can make pretty good snorkels. She gathers some reeds with Levi, whose muscles grumble about doing manual labor. Dang, and all he signed up for was a good drink.
• So the group returns to where Temperance and Violette are waiting. Temperance, naturally, is very confused by the fact that only three of them are coming back. She heard the splash, and saw something of a scuffle with Violette, but she needs more than that to get the bigger picture.
• Levi gets off the canoe and goes “hey we exchanged Rothuss to get stuff from the wreck”, which she nearly believes.
• Vee, being Vee, is thoroughly disappointed by the lack of bloodshed and gives her the rundown.
• Rothuss makes his HEROIC entrance, grinning like a goof as he rides on the giant’s shoulders.
• And then Internet yeets Carissa off the field. We will return next week with the lifting of the wreck and seeing what that brings!

Quotes of the Night.

BOB Also I did a very cool mask with water effects and varying light for the shipwreck map but it made it quadrupled in size so I did something wrong
BOB So you have a normal dark map to work with that is easy to load
'Lemon' connected
BOB Lemon will light the way

Lemon: I'm just typing and assuming y'all can read this and I will catch up eventually
Lemon: But maybe I'm yelling into the void
Lemon: Oh heeeeey, there's the chat
Lemon: Hello friends!
BOB Wonderful
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): If you yell into the void long enough the void may yell back
BOB VoidScreamsBack

Lemon: You could always punish him by sending him to public school
Carissa (Vee Barlett): no continual light?
BOB There is no light in public school

TMO (Rothuss Carder): it would be the sphere. you're high enough level for Light
wyjyoon (Temperance): Ah, is it because I don't have sun sphere
TMO (Rothuss Carder): yes
wyjyoon (Temperance): : ( Bran doesn't give me enough vitamin d.

Rothuss Carder: Huh. slipperyer than I expected. Gonna be hell crossing this at a run.
Levi Reed: Then make sure you don't have to
Vee Barlett: Make friends, not foes.

Rothuss Carder: Hello. Does anyone speak my language?
Giant, Jungle 2: SIGH ARE YOU REALLY SO UNKNOWLEDGABLE THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW A CIVILIZED LANGUAGE?
Levi Reed: Wow, I think this giant has met Rothuss before
Rothuss Carder: Terribly sorry, friend. I'm afraid they didn't teach us civilized languages to herd goats.
Giant, Jungle 2: THEN YOU SHOULD STAY HOME
Rothuss Carder: But how will I ever learn if I don't go out and meet more civilized folk?

Levi Reed: How about urchins and some honest conversation?
Berte Lonerider: YOU ARE NOT A WARRIOR
Levi Reed: I'd like to get to know you better
Berte Lonerider: HE IS
POINTS TO ROTH
Levi Reed: Wow, rude but ok
Levi Reed: It's important to set boundaries I guess

Temperance: Welcome back! Er.. did you all have fun?
Levi Reed: We gave them Rothuss in exchange for the treasure
Levi Reed: Giant lady wants to keep him and we said sure
Levi Reed: I think he's her pet now

Rothuss Carder: is grinning like a loon the whole way across the lake.
Temperance: Looks like someone had quite an adventure.
Levi Reed: He thinks every lady is an adventure
Temperance: Ah, were the two giants won over by his... er...
Temperance: frowns as she thinks to herself.
Levi Reed: His skill as a warrior
Levi Reed: laughs

Session 20240517c - 20240517s

• We’re on this rocky island thing (?) in the middle of this large lake, which has been dubbed Eerie by our one and only Carissa. As she said, “Not to be confused with lake Erie” insert thumbs up emoji!
• Side Note 1: What wavelength is BOB on, exactly? Do we want to know?
• Side Note 2: Honorable mention to Bixi, who not only has a cute name but also could make a guy temporarily deaf to stop him from listening to sirens.
• Abridged for the Quick Skimmers: We rotated through night watches for most of the session. Details of shenanigans in the story chat!
• We start the night by rolling dice a bunch to make sure we don’t miss anything weird about this shipwreck. Could be pearls, could be gold, could be sirens and selkies being way too bold?
• Sadly, the poor vessel has Been Through It™, so we can’t discern much. Which– hey, girl same.
• So, shall we swim with the fishes? Not yet, the sun’s about done with the day shift. And unless we want to sleep with the fishes, it’s probably best to wait to test the waters.
• So, do we go back to shore to spend the night hiding from giants, or do we risk it on this large rock of an island?
• Votes say we stick with the unknown sea creatures! Which means rotating to make sure one of us doesn’t actually becomes seafood.
• Watch Order:
  • 1st: Temperance and Rothuss
  • 2nd: Rothuss and Levi
  • 3rd: Vee and Violette
• Vee recommended tying ourselves together with rope for contingency’s sake, but… uh, I think it was forgotten. She did have wax for her ears, which was pretty smart.
• Anyways, Watch 1!
  • Rothuss and Temperance walk around and talk. The former holds onto his lute, while the latter pricks her thumb to detect all things wicked.
  • Spell is cast, aaannnnddd! Nothing out of the ordinary. No worms bursting out of the sand, no sirens to lure you to premature death, no Giant Otters That Are Like That.
  • Vee’s heart’s singing loud for Violette, but hey, not much of a surprise. Vee’s naturally loud; it makees sense that she requires a heart just as loud.
  • After checking that nobody went into cardiac arrest while asleep, Temperance joins Rothuss in looking around.
  • Oh hello, there’s light somewhere in the wreck! But then she makes the mistake of blinking, and it’s gone.
  • Naturally, she chalks it up to hallucination, because what else are these perfectly sane young adults doing these days?
  • Rothuss still goes to see if it’s something that won’t have them for a late night snack, but thankfully, they’re left to survive another day.
  • They talk about the conjectures of it being Ghost Monkey, and Rothuss’ theory of using sound to counteract sirens. Temperance finds it pretty interesting, but Levi starts mumbling to himself to remind them that– hey, they need to wake him up!
• Rothuss decides on sound waves as the Unconventional Wake-Up Call, which– unfortunately, does not have a snooze button. I mean, I guess breaking it could snooze it permanently.
• Temperance leaves them to hash it out, heals Violette, conveniently forgets to cast her Silence Spell, and falls asleep.
• Watch 2!
  • So, reckless + reckless = ? Apparently, the answer is one who seriously considers the afterlife for new friends and another who has to make sure he doesn’t accidentally unalive himself.
  • They go back and forth discussing danger and how this whole domino effect started with Jericho. Which is code for how much Jericho is missed, and we really hope to see him by October! We’ll knock out underground caves before then, hopefully.
  • Mid-bickering, they hear… a sound! Of a lute, apparently. Where’s it coming from? Across the lake, only Levi identifies where it’s located.
  • Rothuss tests his counter-sound theory with discordant notes.
  • Levi wants him to pipe down, because only he knows that the sound is coming from across the lake.
  • Which could be sirens, but it could also be giants enjoying some music. Either way, neither are all that great.
  • Levi keeps walking towards the sound, which puts Rothuss on edge enough to consider physically knocking him down. Levi, who is already grumpy from the rude awakening, considers damaging property.
  • Tl;dr, they have different ideas about where the sound is coming from, and how to go through the least amount of struggle to survive. Which is great, but it takes a while to get these thoughts across.
  • Is the watch over yet?
  • Not yet, so throw out some conversations about life! Rothuss just wants some excitement. Levi wants some free drinks and a free conscience when he kicks the bucket. Churchy folk are still annoying, goats are still stupid, and we get some backstory as to why Rothuss can’t just go back to his home.
  • Turns out, it really gets everybody’s goat to their goats mixed up.
• Watch 3!
  • Levi nudges Vee as respectfully as his foot allows, YELLS at her to communicate that it’s her turn, and goes off to sleep. Wendy is surprised that it didn’t wake anybody else, because wasn’t Violette sharing body heat with Vee?
  • Vee gives resident sleeping beauty a smooch to coax her out of sleep, and the two talk about Violette’s life.
  • We get some information about Mr. Snow! According to Violette’s mother, “if you were good he would send you to the church, if you were bad he would send you down the river”. Something tells Wendy that everyone would rather go down to the river than suffer through meeting with churchy folk, so… eye of the beholder?
  • They talk about the city and about urchins. Violette says they have ink and pearls inside, which is confusing. They kinda sound like anemone, but we’ll have to find out when we see it?
• Intermission for Urchin (?) Facts:
  • Be careful, they bite.
  • Blue: they’re the biggest, which means bigger risk and bigger reward.
  • Red and Yellow: Less risky, but have ink!
  • Black: Try your luck to find out?
  • They move from rock to rock, but not fast.
• Good morning everyone! Just kidding, the only person that wakes up at first nudge is Temperance. Levi and Rothuss take too long to think about it, so Vee throws water on them to get them up. Poor Levi with his second Rude Awakening.
• With Lirt not here, Temperance gets assigned to breakfast. Everyone decides that it’s better that she reset her spells than cook, so that leaves Rothuss and Levi to most likely bicker through the cooking process.
• Annnndddd scene! Next session entails swimming and deep-diving and most likely choosing who gets to drink the potion?

Quotes of the Night.

'Lemon' connected
BOB Finally here Lemon is
wyjyoon: Life gave us Lemon

Carissa: bob is on a different wavelength than me tonight at least
BOB chuckles
wyjyoon (Temperance): Eh, I don't know if I'm ever on the same wavelength as he is
Carissa: lol
BOB It is a safety thing
wyjyoon (Temperance): My brain noodles are often too tangled :D
BOB Or not tangled enough

Rothuss Carder: I don't let it bother me. Have you tried not caring?
Temperance: About being alive?
Rothuss Carder: About being threatened.
Carissa (Vee Barlett): don't threaten him with a good time then

wyjyoon (Temperance): I mean.. are any children "fit for society" at this point?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): nope
Carissa (Vee Barlett): none of us but that's because none of us have two moms! my point stands!!

Levi Reed: We've been in a pickle ever since we met Jericho
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lmao
wyjyoon (Temperance): Oof shots fired

Levi Reed: Not where I thought my life was going
Levi Reed: I just wanted free drinks

Levi Reed: If they're so dumb, why can't you show your face there yet?
Rothuss Carder: sniffs.
Rothuss Carder: They blame me for their stupidity.
Rothuss Carder: You know... a scapegoat.

Rothuss Carder: Maybe we should mark your hair.
Rothuss Carder: Just so we can keep an eye on you.
Levi Reed: Not the worst idea I've ever heard.
Carissa (Vee Barlett): yessssss
BOB hah

BOB It is miles across, and many more long so it is a big lake and feel free to name it if you like
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Eerie
Carissa (Vee Barlett): not to be confused with erie
BOB and the small one further up is Ontario?
Carissa (Vee Barlett): OH!
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Or we just... go with the same naming scheme
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Oontario
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Oontario into Eerie
wyjyoon (Temperance): Thus she goes with the flow of naming : )
Carissa (Vee Barlett): people like their double vowels up here

Session 20240510c - 20240510s

• Hello, folks! We’re back on the road to get to this lake. The goal is a pearl and supposed pirate treasure, which we hope to get from a shipwreck, which will in turn fund more training?
• Evening starts off with Violette saying ETA noon for the lake, so everyone talks about the lizardfolk lady. Which then derails a bit into conversations about lizards and toilets and trippy mushrooms that Temperance may or may not have fueled due to her desire for research.
• They get to the lake. Violette knows there’s some camp set up near it, so everyone walks in that direction.
• It’s super quiet… almost unnaturally so, despite all the nature. No birds or bees to be seen, just voices coming out of the bushes. Two voices by the names of Voloshee Highprofit and Kurt Reicke. And evidently, they’re very busy bickering with each other to want to tell us what in Mother Nature is going on.
• The hypothesis is that they’ve gotten themselves cursed. Lirt thinks it’s a polymorph spell cast by someone who’s got the power to cast it, which is easy to believe. The hard part is believing that they were minding their own business; why would they be hiding and checking if the coast was clear?
• We decide to leave it be until we can get more information. Vee suggests breaking the spell through a kiss, which – after some discussion – Rothuss and Temperance both try. Nothing happens. Goodbye talking bushes.
• We come up to that encampment over the hills. But heck, that looks pretty big for a traveler’s tent. Lirt thinks it’s about 2 or 3 times the size of a normal tent, and Vee knows about giants but isn’t familiar with ones that live inland.
• Rothuss tries to do some sneaking and OOP that’s a giant with an arrow. Thankfully bard isn’t harmed, so we skeedaddle outta there as fast as possible because we ain’t staying to find out whether we’re ready for giants.
• Hey, let’s go around on water! But wait, we only brought one canoe, so we need to either swim for it or make a raft. The lake is pretty big, no one knows how deep it is, so it’s probably best to take the latter. It takes a bit of time, but it’s finished hours before sunset.
• After calculation, we decide to sail out to the island next to the wreck. Only Rothuss, Lirtimya, and Temperance try and do some light exploring while trying not to drown. There’s some close calls, but everyone’s alive and well.
• Next session entails seeing what’s up with this wreck, whilst trying not to become a wreck ourselves.

Quotes of the Night.

To be posted soon!

Session 20240503c - 20240503s

• A quick one-liner that encapsulates most of the previous session: “Otters ARE like that.”
• Presumably, we’re all taking a moment to process the whole otter ordeal. While that’s happening, a local by the name of Zecane Brightdoom decides to lumber over to see what’s up.
• We get into conversation with him and find out a couple things:

1. He wanders around a lot and takes care of flowers.
2. There are some giant flowers ‘round these parts that smell super sweet, and if you’re not careful you could be its next meal. “Like sirens [ that lure you ] but with smell”, as Levi put it.
3. He also mentioned that there are smaller plants that could bite off your fingers, but that wasn’t explored in conversation. Yay, more plants that decide photosynthesis isn’t enough :D
4. He isn’t too familiar with ghost monkeys and pirate ship crashes.
5. There are sirens and selkies in “deeper waters”, which I guess means you can find them in the lakes?

• After Zecane peaces out for his own journey, we’re left to discuss our game plan. The conversation goes from carnivorous flowers to breathing exercises to testing whether someone is a real boy or not to inventing a code on the spot to differentiate between human and doppelgangers— all of which Vee missed out on because she was too preoccupied with making plans™ or nature called her away.
  • Questions for later: are doppelgangers mathematically capable?
• As we all walk along, continuing the conversation of mythical creatures, we spot a flower with vines, but the pods–which turn out to be vanilla–are more useful. The locals like to sell it to craftspeople and get oils and perfumes and put it on food and stuff.
• We get to Violette’s place, get some sleep, and get some delicious vanilla toast and eggs from Lirt, yay!
• With BOB being generous with our meditation time, off we go! Do we tread over land or risk the otter waters? ¿Por qué no los dos? We decide we’ll drag canoes past the otter territory and then ride the waves.
  • Except, uh, we somehow decided not to try and borrow another canoe from Falk, so there’s only one canoe when we leave. And one canoe can only take 3 people, so… onwards to swimming and white-water rafting?
• So we drag the canoe all the way to the waterfalls, where Levi sees Ghost Monkey. Vee gets irritated with him distracting her with all the yelling, so she boats down the falls with Melange and Rothuss.
• That leaves Lirtimya, Temperance, and Levi at the shore to try to figure it out. Except Ghost Monkey’s all Levi can think about right now, so he dives in to try to swim towards it.
• The waterfall says How Dare You underestimate me and sweeps him away. Vee murmurs curses under her breath for the umpteenth time and yells at Melange to play rescuer. All that gets is Levi coming up with silly names for a spirit only he can see.
• Which leaves Lirtimya and Temperance at the shore on their own. And unlike Levi, they’re a bit more concerned because, well… they’re squishy. And neither are very good swimmers. They decide to go for it because what else are they going to do, but end up swimming through it pretty decently. Nice, squishies live to cast spells and stab another day.
• Interlude for…uh, Bubbles the Ghost Monkey to make Levi jealous by sitting on Vee’s shoulder before we make it downhill.
• There’s this weird hut, with lizardfolk! By the name of… GRaaggla? Apparently she does some spells. And she’s not trying to kill us, so that’s cool.
• Levi asks about communicating with Bubbles. No dice, the monkey isn’t here. Is it because it’s occupied by another… er, ghostly / spiritual being?
• Vee asks about breathing underwater. Lizardman gives her two water breathing potions for 100 gold pieces. Which is better than 1 for 100, so yeah, nice!
• It’s all downhill from here, according to BOB. Literally more than figuratively, I hope. We avoid those carnivorous flowers, get to explore that medallion to see if it has something to do with Bubbles, go see if that pearl is actually a thing, see if pirate treasure is actually a thing, and get Melange another axe to replace the one that monkey stole... at some point?

Quotes of the Night.

Violette Snipes: So what sort of other mythical creatures have you found? Doppelgangers, Chupacabra, Mountain Men
Levi Reed: Does a dolphin attack force count?
Violette Snipes: Dolphins are just big fish
Levi Reed: Vee you gonna let her talk about dolphins like that?

Vee Barlett: Rather just get me that magic ring I want. Or find a way to be a mermaid. That'd be nice. Like that old tale, Thirteenth Year? Yeah, I loved hearin' that one.
Violette Snipes: But then you would not be a woman. You would lose your .... legs
Vee Barlett: I hear some of 'em can walk on land so there's gotta be a way to live in both worlds, yeah?
Violette Snipes: To be part of their world
Vee Barlett: Exactly.
Vee Barlett: I wanna be where the mermaids are. And the people. Gotta still visit my family time to time.

Levi Reed: tries to throw some food over to the monkey
Levi Reed: Hey buddy!
Levi Reed: Where... what
Levi Reed: No!
BOB Sitting on Vee's shoulder
Levi Reed: Don't go by her, she's a witch! She doesn't even like you!
Vee Barlett: Says who? I respect its autonomy. Or hers. Or his.
Levi Reed: Well that's a bit more respectable
Vee Barlett: Yer just full of jealousy Levi. Ain't a good look on you. But it is a hilarious one.
Levi Reed: Nah, I just don't like to see you happy is all

MeLange: I sure wish you guys got along better
Levi Reed: What are you talking about, she's my best friend
Vee Barlett: I'd let him drown. But I'd feel bad about it eventually.

Levi Reed: Hey Tempe
Temperance: Yes?
Levi Reed: Can you do seances?

Rothuss Carder: mutters to Temperance, "Maybe he can find a ghost banana?"

Session 20240426c - 20240426s

• We start off the night talking about death and shaking Magic 8 balls. Wendy decides to have fun with an online one and gets “Better not tell you now”. Always nice to have positive vibes.
• So onward, to test our buoyancy! We have Levi’s arrows to re-up on, a favor we can cash in at some point (?), and Violette who claims she can hold her breath for a LONG time. Caps for emphasis, because none of the humans are that confident with lowering their heart rate or increasing their lung capacity. We have nothing to worry about, right?
• Except… in any narrative there’s bound to be an obstacle. And per Violette’s word of mouth, ours is in the form of a guy who doesn’t want us to go because the river is occupied by the otters.
• Speak of the otters, there’s Falk Honig, with a name that Wendy definitely misread as “foghorn” numerous times in the evening! And he’s adamant about not causing disruption to the otter community.
• Falk and Vee attempt to engage in conversation via the trendiest form of communication called Yell. Violette, who supposedly interpreted this as some Challenge for Vee’s Hand, joins in. They all create a very sophisticated Yell Triangle Choir.
• After brief discussion over which type of elevation is geographically superior, BOB gently points out how the canoe can only hold four people. And we have six. Which means? Bingo, we need Falk’s canoe! Which means… feed him lots of compliments and hope he’s ga-ga over that enough to hand it over?
• So Levi is volunteered to swim across and sweet-talk for information.
  • Hello, it’s otter breeding season! Probably means they’re all kinds of tetchy and touchy and territorial right now.
  • Levi tries financial compensation. Falk says yes to the money but no to going.
  • Levi checks in with Vee to see if she’ll sit and wait for five days. The answer is no, because Violette’s got curfew, and no one wants to deal with Angry Mom.
  • Rothuss says five days is plenty of time to enjoy a bit of leisure.
• Question of the day: which is the least terrifying? Angry otters, Angry Mom, or Angry Vee? Vote now on your phones!
• Oh wait! We forgot Angry Sleeper. Whoops. One Vadim Blatov wants an encore of the Yell Triangle Choir, so he opens the curtains with a marvelous solo piece obviously dubbed “Wake Me Up When September Ends”. Or is it “Wake Me Up When SGR Equivalent of September Ends”?.
• Rothuss gets bored and pokes Violette for more information about Vee. Most likely to blackmail— I mean, lightheartedly joke about at the most inopportune time.
• Speaking of, Levi hands the baton off to Vee. The vibe goes from “We’re trying to do this, can you help us in any of these ways?” to “We’re going to do this and you’re either with us or against us”.
• The back and forth ends with Levi handing over 12 silver and Vee promising to return said canoe in one piece / create a replacement.
• Temperance gets a request on using a possible holding spell. Which is a no-go, because she doesn’t have one, to Wendy’s knowledge. But Wendy is also often wrong.
• We row our boats gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… until we see Giant Otters. Oh, and Ghost Monkey lurks about, but only Levi can see its silhouette.
  • Rothuss decides romantic BGM would keep them focused on breeding.
  • Vee uses fish-speak to try and communicate. Otters say no comprendo.
  • Levi throws some fish out into the water to appease them. Otters don’t respond.
  • Vee asks Temperance for available spells. She casts Speak with Animals to try and calm them.
• After going back and forth with Temperance, otters decide they’re bringing bad vibes to the breeding grounds.
  • Otter aims for Violette and OOF, she’s very close to writing an epitaph on her tombstone.
  • Rothuss is next on the hit list, and gets some light scratches. He bats that away and binds Violette’s wounds.
  • Levi punches one giant otter away because we want to keep promises.
  • Giant Otter attacks Vee. There’s some blood lost.
• At this point, there’s much OOC discussion about how to proceed, and the purpose of traveling downstream in the first place. It was mostly for sightseeing a rumoured pearl and sea urchins, but… also because we wanted Snow Man to owe us a favor via adventuring? How do favors in this world work again?
• Ultimately, we decide that retreating might be the best option.
• We get to shore and take some time to regroup. Temperance casts Cure Light on Violette, and attempts to cast Orison on everyone else. Which gets put on hold because Wendy requires Priest Spell Crash Course 101.

Quotes of the Night.

Levi Reed: So what's up with the otters? We gotta get past them but none of us wants to disturb them if we don't have to. Got any tips?
Falk Honig: Don't go near them. At least four males, with two females in heat.
Levi Reed: Are they violent?
Falk Honig: What would you do if you had a female in heat?
Levi Reed: Ignore her and find a nice man.
Falk Honig: Otters are not like that. At least none that I have seen.

Carissa (Vee Barlett): (so I looked to see if there were any gay otters in zoos to correct him only to discover otter is a term for a certain gay guy physic so... yes, otters ARE like that)
Lemon (Levi Reed): science has no place in this world but LGBT+ sure does
BOB 100%
wyjyoon (Temperance): "Otters are like that"

BOB ALexa play dueling banjoes
wyjyoon (Temperance): So question
TMO (Rothuss Carder): Alexa play Dueling Banjos as covered by Judas Priest
wyjyoon (Temperance): Multiple questions
BOB hah
BOB and HAH

Session 20240419c - 20240419s

• Today’s Adventure, Abridged:

1. Rothuss and Ratbone get some help on their thief skills and Escape NWP.
2. Ghost Monkey casually watches us. Not that we can see it.
3. Everybody makes an effort to not ruin a kid’s dreams.
4. Lord and Lady of the Manor host dinner. We ask some questions. I think we get some answers?
5. Lirt passes on her wisdom about magic to future-generation mages.
6. We decide to go on an adventure so that Snow Man owes us a favor instead, which is very new.
7. That adventure involves sea caves and…uh, finding pearls?
8. Hey look, there are conversations about falling and imprinting and parents and, as always, Vee’s Legitimate Family Business with casual threats of murder on the side.

• Some Status Updates: Jericho and Thuskar travel back to the Temple of Orange Sunsets. Reasons to be determined.
• Rothuss and Ratbone find themselves in attendance with a lady named Grete Havrevold. She seems to be further proof that residents of this Mountain Manor know little about the art of Answering the Question For Once. A manor of mysteries, it seems.
  • Round 1 of Guess Who (Name Version).
  • Suggested Strategy: Trick it out of me, buster.
• Wendy was under the impression the twins were in a separate room of some sort, but apparently everyone was in the same room together, overhearing Rothuss and Ratbone’s training plans and stuff?
• Anyways, another resident by the name of Britta Hareide comes in to ask about what in heck everyone else is doing here.
  • Claudius: Here to deliver that child.
  • Everyone else: We’re here ‘cause a friend owed a favor to a Temple which led us to owe a favor to the Church which led us here. Some Churchy Chain Reaction stuff.
• Britta says cool story bro, you work if you wanna stay.
  • Vee protests less at the thought of going to the lake to do some shipwork and meet sirens and selkies. Dunno if she meets any.
  • Lirtimya bestows wisdom nuggets about the fundamentals of magic to the young ‘uns, henceforth bringing a future generation of mages.
• Ten year old girl by the name of Vera Rindborg comes over for a crash course on How to be a Good Adventurer 101. There’s talks about flying ships and how moral good and bad coexist.
• Dinner Time! Snow Man and Wife host a dinner. We try our best to ask the questions. In return, hey, we get some answers! Whodda thunk.
  • We end up finding out that Lady of the Manor / Wildling / Queen of the Forests?? could actually understand Vee’s language. For a hot minute everyone sits there while Lord and Lady converse in Forest and Lady and Vee converse in Ocean? We get a taste of this linguistic melting pot.
  • Long story short, Lord Blondie lives in the mountains to take in orphans, who he then trains so that they could work for the Church? Does the Church of Mists provide them with these orphaned children?
• TMO and BOB calculate costs and time for Rothuss and Ratbone’s training. Because Lirt ends up with a temporary teaching gig, it’s enough to pay for Rothuss and Ratbone’s learning time.
• There’s some discussion about whether we want to adventure, level up, and then come back later for training again. Which means we get to be on the other end of owing favors for once. Heck yes.
• Fast forward to post-training and all that jazz:
  • So we go to the town of Smeditleton, which should be added to the list of Names that Wendy Will Not Attempt to Pronounce.
  • A wild Violette Snipes appears and starts talking casually to Vee about some island with caves and oysters and pearls and such. Why is our next adventure a cave? Because BOB is the Builder of Plans™ and he would love it if we suffered some more, thanks :) Also, Jericho would probably get cardiac arrest, so we might as well get caves over with before his return.
  • Also who’s this Violette again?
• The conversation flows away from travel and more about Jericho and Thuskar and caves and families. We get some backstory on Lirt and her small island hometown, which we will definitely visit if she so wishes it.
• As always, what kind of team would it be if we left out talks about Vee’s family and her casual threats of murder? Lirt considers studying the fine print on these murder laws, and Temperance thinks letting nature take its course is much more efficient than shanking someone personally. Which is euphemism for: people are already exposed to death while adventuring anyway, so...
• Next chapter: expect cave and water?

This Evening’s Edition of Ratbone Rhymes

Ronly Bonly Jones! Showing you his bones.
a jones is a craving and you are stark raving.
Ronly Bonly Jones.
Ronly Bonly Jones. Nothing that he owns.
Farmland is flatter, he's mad as a hatter, Ronly Bonly Jones.


Quotes of the Night.

Vera Rindborg: It is boring being an investigator.
Temperance: How so?
Vee Barlett: Oh, you part of the church? My condolences.
Vera Rindborg: You watch people. You track things. You look at things…
Levi Reed: When you're an adventurer, you get to take stuff from the bad guys and keep it for the good guys. We're basically serving justice
Vera Rindborg: See, that sounds fun.
Lirtimya: Not gonna pop her bubble of adventuring being a way to get away from investigation

Snow Man: Perhaps you can examine our children to see if any of them show a propensity for spell use, they may be suitable to send to further training for the church
Temperance: I've... never been around a lot of children, but I will try my best.
Rothuss Carder: No casting Fireball at the kiddies!
Vee Barlett: Ruin the fun, Rothuss.

Levi Reed: It's just that the last place had me hauling heavy rocks for hours, and the place before that sent us out on a wild orange chase... if there's something a little less stressful I can help you out with, I'm in
Snow Man: Less stressful than rocks and oranges
Levi Reed: The Orange was a man, but yeah
Rothuss Carder: That's ... one way of putting it, I guess.
Levi Reed: He was pretty stressful. And the rocks were stressful on my back. I'm too young to be in that kind of pain.
Snow Man: You are too young to be in pain over a few rocks and oranges.

Rothuss Carder: To the Editor: At this point, all of Rothuss is OOC. :D
Carissa (Vee Barlett): editor gives you the finger

Carissa (Vee Barlett): but it's fineee, I'm not the mathmotologist here

Vee Barlett: That's a nightmare. Bad enough what my dads DID know. Glad it was a big city so they didn't hear everythin' I got up to.
Levi Reed: I'm sure they heard everything. They have informants everywhere
Vee Barlett: looks at Levi like he grew a second head
Vee Barlett: What nonsense you speakin'?
Temperance: raises an eyebrow.
Levi Reed: You don't remember that time they thought I was trying to court you? Back in the beginning? They knew everything about me for WEEKS
Temperance: raises her second eyebrow.
Vee Barlett: 'Cause they overprotective. Ain;t like they'd be the kind who'd have informants. Who you think they is?
Levi Reed: They told you my small bladder was abnormal and I wasn't fit for giving you children!
Rothuss Carder: waits to see if a third eyebrow goes up
Vee Barlett: laughs

wyjyoon (Temperance): LOL
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): How many eyes does she have?
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): 7
Carissa (Vee Barlett): currently at 10
wyjyoon (Temperance): Many eyes to see things with
JtomTMO (Lirtimya): Bibically accurate Temperance
wyjyoon (Temperance): She's just hiding all her eyes with her curly hair
Carissa (Vee Barlett): as a curly haired person, this is accurate

Vee Barlett: Hey Lirt, if I stuff their mouth with boiled eggs before I shank them, that count?
Vee Barlett: Or they gotta swallow first?
Levi Reed: You're always jumping to conclusions, thinking people are out to besmirch your familys SUPER LEGIT business
Levi Reed: It's not always like that
Lirtimya: Hmm, I'll have to read the fine print on the murdering laws

Temperance: We already have a high enough chance of getting murdered while traveling, let's not increase that chance.
Vee Barlett: Killjoy.
Temperance: I didn't say you couldn't, I just wanted you to know that people could be killed without getting your hands dirty.

Session 20240412c - 20240412s

• Some chronological run-through for the Skimmers:

1. What wishes do we want this Snow Man to grant?
2. Is it the wind in the trees or did that ghost monkey actually talk?
3. A Wildling appeared! Does anybody speak Mother Nature?
4. Snow Man gets upsetti-spaghetti about us trespassing on his property. Whoops.
5. Does Toddler Boy require a protection squad?
6. Carder Siblings are put on the judgment block.
7. Snow Man plays Host of the Manor like he didn’t sass everyone out moments prior.
8. Some BOB observations about important inquiries before Dinner with Forest Guests (listed below).

• We start off the morning with BOB continuing the joke that Temperance may take bribes for healing. Wendy might entertain the thought but Temperance is lawful so… for now, ask and you shall receive no matter how much she hates you :)
• BOB may be the Builder of Plans™ but Carissa and Vee are the Catalysts of the Plans™. Which is a nice way of saying she told us to not fudge things up with the contact she salvaged from Churchy folk. Listen, we’ll try but no promises. When do plans ever go the way we want anyway?
• Which leads us to the next question, what do we want from the Snow Man?
  • Rothuss and Ratbone have rogue / thief skills and spells.
  • Claudius has debt, which involves delivery of a child.
  • Levi is trying to find out details about this iffy slim shady child delivery.
  • Lirtimya wants to learn Research to increase her Brilliance.
  • Temperance is just tryna learn when she can and put the spells she learned to good use.
  • Vee and Melange are just here to see if things go south or not.
• So as we’re finalizing all of this there’s a voice! Or was there? The only two people who could’ve identified it have been called away by natural ablutions. Lemon is probably a bit disappointed she missed it. Lirt uses her observational skills to leave us clues, but Wendy isn’t too familiar with Priestess things that aren’t spells. So all we get are conjectures, Vee hallucinating fish, and Rothuss searching for ghosts in the bushes.
• After some conversation and discussion BOB says we’re heading uphill so up we go. Little do we know that it goes downhill from here.
• Oh hello, there’s a Wildling! But she speaks Forest so we don’t understand her.
• Oh hello, there’s a man! Apparently a man with a blonde beard and blonde hair with the stature of a Viking. I didn’t know Frosty had blonde highlights, but sure.
  • He pulls a Shrek and asks what we’re all doing in his swamp. Technically his front lawn but whatever. At least this time the trespassing was unintentional.
  • We try to let him know why we’re here, but it’s all too much for him. We rewind to introductions.
  • We mention that the Church of Mists sent us here with documents and that Claudius has a toddler he was supposed to deliver.
• Viking Frosty Highlights starts roasting everyone by mentioning what he thinks are their sore spots. And then he asks why they’re blindly doing the Churchy folk’s bidding.
  • Claudius is like “Hey man, don’t shoot the messenger. I gotta do what I gotta do” and tries to hand over the toddler.
  • Levi is like wait a flippin’ minute and asks what Snow Man is going to do with Toddler Boy.
  • Turns out, Snow Man not only loves to roast and sass, but he also loves to answer questions with questions, gracefully and philosophically. He asks why Levi and the rest of the party didn’t ask more questions to the Church.
  • Levi mentions how he did pull that “I want to see the Manager” move, but what would that do when Managers are doing Mysterious Churchy Things?
• Wendy really doesn’t want to make this summary a mile long so if you want the full view of the verbal tennis match that follows, please go read story chat. But tl;dr—
  • Snow Man: Didn’t try hard enough, due to these following actions you aren’t perfectly moral, I’m not sure you can be a good father figure ( x 100 on loop)
  • Levi: Literally tried to break the door, I’m stopping what I don’t think is morally okay by being here, I don’t trust you not to put this child through slave labor ( x 100 on loop)
• He’s pretty equivalent to relatives that everyone would rather avoid because of how much they love to talk smack and start fights just to see if they can win. Gives off some Aien Mountainbane vibes too, but yeah, y’all get it.
• At this point, everyone is pretty fed up with this whole tennis volley about morality. Levi’s protective instincts skyrocket with his blood pressure, and he strongly considers giving up adventuring to be Committed Single Father to this child.
• Domino Effect: There’s a small civil conflict between the Follow Your Gut types vs. Follow Your Head types. It’s “Snowman’s sus and we need to preemptively prevent any possible bad things” vs. “Snowman’s sus, yeah, but he hasn’t done the Devilish Deed yet, we can Shank him when the bad things start happening.”
  • Rothuss gets up to talk some sense into this Snow Man dude in Levi’s defense. HIS HEART’S IN THE RIGHT PLACE DAMMIT!
  • Vee, clearly on the verge of pulling her hair out, gets up to talk some sense into everyone else because HIS HEAD’S NOT IN THE RIGHT PLACE DAMMIT! We don’t have resources to support a child, Carder Siblings need training, we owe Temple of Orange Sunsets a favor, which involves a favor with the Church of Mists, and we don’t want to piss either of them off.
  • Rothuss, Levi, and Claudius openly make it known that Religious Institutions can take their Churchy ideologies and shove it up where the sun don’t shine.
  • Vee is like can we not because we can’t afford it.
  • Lirt seconds that and recommends that we pick our battles.
  • Temperance keeps writing because Not Enough Information compiled + not enough self-exploration time to see where her moral convictions lie.
  • Ratbone is sitting back and playing her lute?
  • Melange is… watching quietly? And then dozes off sometime after.
• This whole ordeal goes back and forth for a while before it settles into stalemate. Which means everyone said FINE! and then focused on something else.
• Snow Man asks what they want.
  • Carder siblings ask to be trained in thief skills.
  • With some encouragement from Vee, Lirt speaks about wanting to learn some Research skills, along with other Wizard skills that cannot be taught by Viking or any of his suspicious housemates.
  • Melange says he wants a family. Snow Man opens up his dinner table, which, depending on your viewpoints about this man, could be construed as either wholesome or creepy.
  • Temperance asks questions about that document with the strange language that she made copies of and sightings of spiritual beings.
• Snow Man says maybe he can offer assistance for a price and then starts playing the host like he didn’t just piss everyone off moments prior. He tells us about some dinner gathering thing that he’s planning for all his Forest Friends.
• We say sure (though some begrudgingly). Levi and Melange have some private discussions that Wendy is not going to intrude on by elaborating, everyone wants a shower, Temperance does not worry about Vee because Vee is always Vee, aaaaaannnnnndddd... SCENE.
• The session ends with some conversation about NWPs and another premonition from BOB that Lemon/Levi will definitely start grilling next session. He said, and I quote:
  • “Spells are off the table, specific NWPs available to Priests and Mages are off the table, he has no captive priests or mages to train you.”
• Yeeeaaah, Carissa gives it the benefit of the doubt, but that word certainly has negative connotations, y’know? I guess if he turns out to be a morally-despicable individual who keeps captives for morally despicable reasons, we’ll discuss our action plan from there?
• Just how abominable is this Snow Man? I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.

BOB’s Observations that We Should Take Note For Next Time.

1. You never asked about his wife (to which Carissa said I DID ASK ABOUT HIS WIEF)
2. You never asked what his real name is.
3. You never asked why he has other people living there.
4. You never asked why he is living here.
5. You never asked his association to the Church.
6. You never asked / got an answer to why he’s taking in orphans.

• I mean, is he going to answer them in a way that’s not going to have us beat around bushes and walk in circles? Because if he is someone might snap and beat him instead. There’s also this Zone of Truth spell that might be interesting to try out...

Quotes of the Night.

Temperance: On a serious note, nobody needs to earn healing. I don't mind using spells I have available to heal when necessary.
Vee Barlett: And that gives us incentive to keep ya alive.
Rothuss Carder: But it's so fun to make them beg.
Vee Barlett: Says the one who keeps flirtin' with death....
Rothuss Carder: I flirt a lot anyways, if you hadn't noticed.
Vee Barlett: I try not to notice you.
Vee Barlett: Works 'til ya get yer blood on my boots.

Spring (Ratbone Carder): Hey Death. Lookin good.
Spring (Ratbone Carder): Nice scythe you got there.

Mammal, Small, Monkey 1: I am watching you

Rothuss Carder: That's a change. I thought you were the 'you have to know exactly what you want 10 years in advance' person?
Vee Barlett: Problem is ya thought.
Rothuss Carder: Zing. Pow.
Rothuss Carder: grins at Vee.
Vee Barlett: does not grace him with a smile.

Vee Barlett: You talkin' better now too.
Thuskar: I have been practicing under my breath
Vee Barlett: Oh that what I'm hearin'? Thought it was Jericho muttering not to trip.
Thuskar: I have repeated what Vee and Claudius, and Temperance, and Rothuss have been saying
Thuskar: I did not want to talk like Jericho

Snow Man: Which do you want to do?
Levi Reed: I'll take the kid
Claudius : Wait wait wait
Vee Barlett: How ya gonna slice and dice??
Levi Reed: I'm done slicing and dicing, I'm a dad now

Vee Barlett: You can SEE what Snow Dude gonna do before ya commit to dadhood. Ya know ya can't un-dad yerself, yeah?
Vee Barlett: Like a tattoo. It's forever.

Vee Barlett: You know ain't easy findin' dates as a single dad.
Vee Barlett: And I ain't at ALL a fan of travelin' with a kid.
Levi Reed: Never stopped your dad

Lemon (Levi Reed): This is literally the only thing Levi will ever care about, probably
Carissa (Vee Barlett): bob better not introduce another kid anytime soon or I will strangle you both
BOB LOL

Session 20240405c - 20240405s

• Over the river and through the woods, to Snow Man’s house we go!
• Quick Overview:

1. Second Watch - Vee converses with Ratbone and Ms. Mirny about life.
2. Third Watch - Claudius and Levi witness the ghost of a monkey and fight Forest Frogs.
3. Morning comes, and huzzah! Everyone is mostly healed.
4. We all decide to travel uphill some more and discuss whether Levi and Claudius had any marbles to lose.

• Vee and Ratbone are joined by Ms. Mirny for second watch. Vee is, naturally, very curious about their backstories.
• We soon discover the following:
  • Ratbone relives an emotional wool hat moment.
  • Ms. Mirny’s family holds some Very Traditional views about success.
  • Vee’s very legitimate family business may have some contenders. It’s a bridge between Seafarers and Landwalkers. Whether it will build or burn... well.
• BUT don’t get comfortable just yet! When Vee kicks third watch awake, Ms. Mirny points to something atop the wagon and promptly peaces out to sleep.
• So Claudius and Levi are left to disney princess their way around this... ghost monkey creature?
  • Levi gets pretty psyched about Ghost Monkey. Offerings of crackers, nuts, and copper coins may be in our future. Almost religious, if you think about it. Wait, is this the new cult that all the cool kids were talking about? Sick!
  • Claudius does a pretty good job of keeping track of it whenever it ghosts out. Maybe because he’s the one bombastically side-eyeing it? Who wants to trust a ghost monkey when it’s hard to trust live ones?
• Too many questions, not enough answers. Where are the tools for seance when we need it?
• They get so distracted by this Monkey Apparition that they casually forget that they’re in a forest full of things that could potentially turn them into ghosts, too.
• And look at that, three Giant Forest Frogs out for a stroll! Oh, and there were some live monkeys behind the wagon, but... uh, didn’t engage?
  • Quick reminder that Claudius is at Low Battery Status, so he’s left to kick everyone awake. And Vee is first in line.
  • Vee foregoes her beauty sleep because dying from frogs is the lamest way to go.
• Wendy is confused on whether you stay asleep or awake when you succeed a constitution roll. Because Vee woke up, but Ratbone (as we find later) stayed asleep, even though they both succeeded (?) on their rolls?
  • Levi uses his machete to fend off the frogs. Fortunately, frogs are squishy creatures.
  • Frog 3 is hippity-hopping mad to find humans attacking him on his property. He lands a blow on Levi.
  • Frog 2 makes the mistake of trying to run because Parry squashes the frog juice out of him. Goodbye Frog.
  • Vee squelches her Trident into Frog 1.
  • Ratbone yells out something...before rolling over to sleep again. Maybe she dreamt Rothuss pinched her and is getting her revenge.
  • Levi makes frog smoothie out of Frog 1, and now they’re surrounded by frog guts as Frog 3 flees into the forest.
• Vee ignores Levi’s gesture of celebration because she’s entering sleep mode, which leaves Claudius and Levi to figure out what to do about frog carcasses.
• Rise and shine, it’s time for Frog Legs and a game of Ghost Monkey? Where?
• Vee thinks Levi might be that doppelganger thing previously discussed. Temperance rolls wisdom and decides the status of Levi’s sanity cannot be determined...yet. Claudius is side-eyeing ghost monkey still, and everyone else... uh, consumes frog legs?
• Rothuss shows himself from a mass of forest foliage, looking more refreshed. He searches the wagon with Temperance and neither find anything particularly unusual.
• By the way, is Toddler Boy still alive?
• Next Episode may involve: meeting the Snow Man in person, seeing if toddler will continue to require a protection squad, seeing if Ghost Monkey returns at nighttime, and training for the Carder siblings + others who need it.

Quotes of the Night

Claudius : Hey there little...ghost monkey...want something to eat?
Claudius : Tosses cracker at it
Levi Reed: Do ghosts eat?
BOB Weakly tosses it at the wagon and it falls a few feet from his hand
Claudius : Nailed it.

Lemon (Levi Reed): We have REALLY bad luck figuring out wtf is goign on with the ghosts in this game

Levi Reed spent 1 CP on donation to the ghost monkey

Claudius : Oh that little shit
Claudius : Checks pockets
Levi Reed: smiles
Levi Reed: I like this ghost monkey
BOB Claudius does not have anything so he is not missing anything
e2wolfe (Claudius ): Yes to poverty

Levi Reed: [SKILL] Alertness [MOD:WIS] (vs. Target 15) [SUCCESS by 14] [d20 = 1]
BOB WOW
wyjyoon (Temperance): That's some crazy level of alertness
Lemon (Levi Reed): I mean, he wants a pet ghost REAL BAD
Lemon (Levi Reed): Even if it is a monkey
Carissa (Vee Barlett): he doesn't slack around monkeys
Lemon (Levi Reed): lol
Spring (Ratbone Carder): hahahah
Carissa (Vee Barlett): where's Indigo when you need him??
Carissa (Vee Barlett): who will they eat??
BOB LOL quote for Lisa

Session 20240329c - 20240329s

• Welcome back to another episode of Searching for the Snow Man! Updated after recharging brain juice :)
• A quick overview for the quick skimmers:

1. Owlbear’s dead, the wagon is mostly usable, and it has stuff! Let’s take it!
2. Levi and Melange go off exploring Owlbear lair as a pair. Hey look, more corpses and more stuff! Let’s take it! (2)
3. Rothuss’ Animal Handling 16 malfunctions, but hey, detached arm + claws is better than no claws, so… Let’s take it! (3)
4. Owlbear Lair Pair returns in one piece, so everyone gets a move on with Parry and the Wagon.
5. Hey, a campsite! With sword slashes in the tents. Let’s move a bit further to a different campsite.
6. Melange gets Temperance to engage in campfire conversations before monkeys steal his hand axe.
7. Levi and Rothuss are awake and a bit more alive for Second Watch.

• Status Update 1:
  • Claudius is walking wounded, Rothuss is at 3HP, Parry is at 5HP, Levi, Vee, and Jericho sustain some light wounds.
  • Melange has nothing but a scratch because his Shield Smashing and axe handling went… well, smashingly.
  • Ratbone is chilling and strumming out Ratbone Rhymes, Toddler Boy is still searching for playgrounds rather than battlegrounds, Ms. Mirny and Thuskar are willing to help.
• We ease into the night doing what we do best: looking at and grabbing things. Because looting is an NWP for rogues, and we got none, but there were creatures killed and we didn’t get killed in return.
  • Oh hello, there’s some fancy stuff in that wagon! Please check out the party pack for these newest additions.
• But wait, this killed Owlbear must have a home. Do we want to trespass or get a move on?
  • Levi and Melange split from the rest for a hot minute to get some alone time in an Owlbear lair.
  • BUT Levi wants to be careful not to go off too far, because what’s the point in valiantly dying when no one can hear you screaming?
  • To no one’s surprise, more skeletons and corpses! One has a cool bejeweled battle axe, and the other one has a medal. Is it cursed? TBD later.
  • Oh hey, one of the corpses don’t exactly look human. It kinda reminds them of the guy with the nice beard from the caves, because what is a dwarf?
• While the pair trespass Owlbear’s lair, Rothuss tries his luck with severing claws from the rest of said Owlbear. It’s a jagged piece of paw because he’s pretty ragged himself, but better that than no claws, right?
• Temperance decides that healing is best done when someone is digging into a corpse with a knife, so she uses Rothuss as a guinea pig for that new healing spell she learned.
• Hey, Lair Pair is back in one piece! Nice! Levi’s excited about their finds! Double nice!
• Now let’s get a move on and take the wagon with us if we can! Can we? Yes we can because Parry can at 5HP.
• So we go rolling along until we get to a campsite. Other travelers and adventurers camped and left their stuff here, clearly. But why?
  • There’s slashes on the tents. Uh-oh, Owlbear? Nope, just sword slashes. Hobgoblins?
  • Discussion ensues over whether we stay in disguise or move on to leave some other poor travelers to deal with it.
  • We move along, and hey, there’s a bit of clearing in the trees with some nice sea scenery for the homesick seafarers.
• Intermission for tentative Watch Order. Credits to Lemon for basically mapping it out.
  • 1st: Melange, Temperance
  • 2nd: Levi, Rothuss
  • 3rd: (Depending on who’s available) Lirt, Vee, Jericho, Ratbone.
  • Claudius is still walking wounded so unavailable for watches.
• For the first watch, Melange tries his best to get Temperance talking, and Temperance tries her best to say more than two or three words that aren’t just about dead and dying.
• Things seem peaceful enough, but then WHOA, two monkeys jump down on top of the wagon and SNATCH Melange’s hand axe.
• Temperance reacts fast, but magic pebble throwing is harder than it looks. They land on Melange instead.
• While Melange is justifiably confused at being unintentionally used as target practice, Temperance is relieved that he only lost his hand ax. At least his heart is intact to be stolen by Levi if he so pleases :D I joke.
• They go up to wake Levi and Rothuss for the second watch. They’re difficult to wake up, but the talk of monkeys gets one to kick the other out of sleepytime.
• Temperance soups them up on as much healing her spell slots can allow before she goes to sleep, and the monkeys become the second watch’s problem unless the critters decide the hand axe is all they need.
• Everyone retires early for the night because we’re missing some players and some others have Been Through It™ this week.
• In the next episode, second and third watches will probably happen, monkeys may or may not monkey around, and hopefully Jericho is here to heal the rest of the party while Temperance sleeps.

Quotes of the Night

BOB Not so dumb just a little dumb right now
Shislif (MeLange): wait are we doing something dumb?
Lemon (Levi Reed): Probably, but would that stop us?
Shislif (MeLange): i mean maybe :)
Lemon (Levi Reed): Nah, the only thing that holds Levi back from doing dumb stuff is Vee
Lemon (Levi Reed): And she didn't do it
Shislif (MeLange): lol

BOB No one can hear you scream now
BOB You are off into the woods

Carissa (Vee Barlett): this is becoming a lot to carry
TMO (Rothuss Carder): You're a pirate, bury it and make a map.
BOB HAH
wyjyoon (Temperance): LOL TMO
Carissa (Vee Barlett): :P
BOB But can she spell?
BOB How will she draw an X
Lemon (Levi Reed): Excuse you, Vee is super legit and from a super legit family with a super legit business!
BOB They use an O not an X
Carissa (Vee Barlett): wow
Shislif (MeLange): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): Mark O on that super legit map :D
TMO (Rothuss Carder): THEY ARE THE PIRATES, WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! THEY JUST STAY THERE, AND LAY AROUND! THEY ARE THE PIRATES, WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING!~
wyjyoon (Temperance): Coincidentally listening to that song rn

Session 20240322c - 20240322s

• Oh hello, there’s quite a bit of content. So, tl;dr:

1. We approach ruins and smash a gargoyle to pieces.
2. We walk uphill and start fighting hobgoblins stationed near a presumably abandoned wagon.
3. AAAAAHHH! What the heckin’ flip, an Owlbear??? Let’s kill it for those nice claws.
4. No one dies, but some are pretty darn close.

• So we loot the goblins and keep walking along as we make conversation about rum, children, legitimacy of privateering, how working for nobles is not great, and whether Vee would enjoy That Privateer Life. You know, pretty standard conversation between Not Pirates.
• How’s the toddler, by the way? Alive and kicking, which is a good sign. Let’s just hope he stays that way, else we may be charged with negligence.
• After some deliberation, we decide to explore the ruins.
• Jericho walks up the steps with the grace of a lady because apparently he can climb stairs? Not for long though, because a stone statue basically LEAPS at him.
  • Levi leaps at it with his machete, but misses.
  • Claudius gives it a go with his rapiers, and hits. But wait! Gargoyle is made of stone, so it does… no damage. Sad Days.
  • Jericho uses “Cause Light Wounds”, and it’s effective!
  • Vee tries to pierce it with her trident. It lands a solid blow, but this time, rock wins against the blade.
  • Gargoyle doesn’t like that Jericho is trespassing on his property, so it gives him a warning slash.
  • Levi does a falcon punch, but it doesn’t do any damage. Irritated, he gives it a SHOVE and knocks it over.
• Quick intermission for Gargoyle immunities: bludgeoning, slashing, piercing.
  • Temperance tries one of her new spells called “Spiritual Hammer”. And hey, it does some damage?
  • Melange shield-slams it with the magic buckler, and it seems to be wearing it down.
  • Gargoyle tries to get up, but Levi and Melange keep it pinned. It tries to slash Levi, but misses.
  • Melange likes Shield Slamming, and it’s effective to boot! Nice!
  • Jericho casts a Cause Light Wounds before Thuskar drags him away out of concern.
  • Gargoyle tries to get up again, but can’t because Levi too strong. It throws a temper tantrum about not being able to get up and gives Melange a scratch.
  • Temperance keeps cracking it with her hammer spell.
  • Melange gives it a slam with his magic buckler, and Gargoyle explodes into countless baby stones. You go, Master of Shield Slams!
• Compensation for defeating a gargoyle? 5 gold.
• Now that that’s out of the way, we look around the ruins unhindered.
• Rothuss thinks it might be a place for sacrifices and such.
• Taking Rothuss’ information into account, Temperance looks for blood spatter or grooves on the stone, but only finds some notches, as if something was wrapped around it.
• Claudius thinks it looks like a whipping post.
• Everyone else thinks this is all a Big Yikes Moment. Valid.
• Temperance looks closer at the base of the pillars and finds Trask’s symbols.
• Lirt spots four glyphs on the pillars, which Temperance connects to the weird ceremonial processes / maybe whippings?? performed to honor Trask, but what does she know about this Church? Nothing.
• As they continue to travel uphill, Levi spots what seemed to be an abandoned wagon ahead of them.
• While Vee, Lirt, Rothuss, Jericho, Thuskar, Ms. Mirny, and Parry stay a bit behind, Levi, Melange, Claudius, and Temperance walk ahead. The first two sense that this may be an ambush.
• As Melange CASUALLY makes a beeline for the wagon, Levi, Temperance, and Claudius watch behind the trees. And, as expected, some figures pop out from behind the wagon! Hobgoblins!
  • Melange goes Captain America on that nameless Hobgoblin 1 and kills it. Nice!
  • Claudius swings his rapiers around, but it doesn’t make any Hob-kebobs. Sad.
  • Shoulderless Hobgoblin aims for Lirtimya, but misses because it has no shoulders.
  • Individualist Leotard tries to help, but he trips over his leotards.
  • Temperance tries to stab Individualist Leotard, but misses as it trips. Sad.
  • Filthy Eye comes in for Temperance, but misses because its eye is foggy.
  • Collected Disdainful Walk attacks Claudius with disdain and lands a solid blow. Oof.
  • Rothuss slips past Temperance and aims for Filthy Eye. No Hob-kebobs. Sad.
  • Levi swings his machetes at Filthy Eye and WHAM! Filthy Eye now has filthy wounds. Nice!
  • Back at the wagon, Impudent Attitude and Smelly Fingers are still alive. They like Claudius enough to want to kill him. They almost succeed. Oof.
  • Pieced Maroon Tie attacks Vee and leaves some light scratches.
• OH HECK, Owlbear enters stage left for some fun. It doesn’t seem to discriminate between goblins and humans.
• Status Update 1:
  • The party is split between the Owlbear and Abandoned Wagon with Hobgoblins.
  • Near the wagon with Disdainful Walk, Imprudent Attitude, and Smelly Fingers are Melange and Claudius. The latter is bleeding and unconscious.
  • Vee, Rothuss, Levi, Temperance, and Lirtimya are near the Owlbear, Filthy Eye, Shoulderless, Individualist Leotard, and Pieced Maroon Tie.
  • Jericho is still at the back with Thuskar and Mirny, all making sure no harm gets to the Toddler Boy.
  • So far Hobgoblin 1 is the only one we’ve killed.
• Back to Barbara on the Battlefield:
  • Owlbear swings towards Filthy Eye and Levi. Hobgoblin leaps away, so it draws some blood outta Levi instead.
  • Melange takes a hand axe and swings it at Imprudent Attitude and takes that attitude down a peg. Nice!
  • Lirtimya uses Burning Hands on Leotard and Shoulderless. Leotard is killed, Shoulderless is barely alive with 1HP. Remembering that Lirt is a Sea Mage using fire power, and it’s heckin awesome.
  • Temperance makes a dash towards the wagon, intending to help Claudius Not Die today. It’s a bit far, so she has to catch her breath after getting there.
  • Rothuss makes hob-kebob out of Filthy Eye and offers it to Owlbear as a peace offering. Does it work? Well…
  • Vee slices Pieced Maroon Tie into more pieces with her Trident. Nice!
  • Levi makes a run towards the wagon and swings his machete at Disdainful Walk. Nice!
  • So, you know that peace offering for the Owlbear? Yeah, why should it settle for one if it can have more? It SLASHES Rothuss before grabbing the hob-kebob. Oof.
  • Melange makes a swing with his hand axe towards Imprudent. Imprudent sticks out its tongue and dodges. Sad.
  • Temperance casts Cure Light Wounds and whew! Claudius is awake and alive to fight another day.
  • Disdainful Walk goes for Levi and OOF! Draws some blood.
  • Rothuss uses a tumbling skill to move out of the way of the Owlbear.
  • Levi slashes through Smelly Fingers with his machetes because no one wants finger germs. One less hobgoblin to worry about, nice!
  • Vee gives a warning scratch to the Owlbear with her Trident, but said Owlbear is persistent about having Rothuss for dinner. It chases after the tumbling bard and OOF, that’s a slash.
  • Melange has had enough of Disdainful Walk walking disdainfully. He waves his hand axe around and, NICE SHOT, hobgoblin’s dead.
  • Lirtimya aims for Owlbear with an Acid Arrow. It flies over it. Sad.
  • Temperance tries her hand at shooting arrows over four other people surrounding Owlbear. It misses. Sad.
  • Rothuss aims his sabre at the Owlbear, but misses because he’s losing blood.
  • Levi tries his hand at shooting, but also misses. Sad.
  • Owlbear swing its claws towards Vee to return her warning scratch. Oof, that’s a large slash.
  • With hobgoblins taken care of at the wagon, Melange dashes towards Owlbear and swings his hand axe. He misses.
  • With lots of party members crowding around Owlbear, Temperance is less confident about shooting arrows into “that mess”.
  • Vee takes a stab towards Owlbear with her Trident, but her arm’s pretty tired from fighting and misses.
  • Rothuss has a hard time finding Owlbear’s vulnerabilities hiding under fur and feathers.
  • Levi’s getting tired of this Owlbear attacking, and Nice! His machete does some damage!
• Status Update 2:
  • Hobgoblins are dead.
  • Owlbear is surrounded by Vee, Rothuss, Lirtimya, Levi, and Melange, with Parry hiding not too far behind the trees. Rothuss seems to be his favorite.
  • Temperance is over at the wagon with Claudius.
  • The rest are with Toddler Boy, away from the commotion.
• Now, onwards to battle because Owlbear isn’t dying yet.
  • Owlbear makes a slash at Vee and Rothuss. Oof, they both sustain some damage. Rothuss is pretty close to bleeding out if he’s not careful.
  • Temperance uses her 6th sense for healing and runs closer to assist if necessary. In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have left Claudius to his own devices in case of more hobgoblins, but oh well.
  • Melange and his Battle Axe give Owlbear a good slashing! Nice!
  • Vee takes a stab at the Owlbear with her Trident. Nice!
  • Rothuss aims for Owlbear’s eyeball and blinds it in one eye. Nice!
  • Levi misses with his machetes because arms are getting tired.
  • Parry gets tired of waiting for someone to feed her and rides out, but her sharp hooves miss from not getting any food.
  • Owlbear spots new meat and OOF Parry is bleeding. Forgive me for saying so, but that probably spared Rothuss from being walking wounded.
  • Melange FINALLY kills it with his Battle Axe. REJOICE! Now everyone can sleep.
• Next session will most likely involve lots of looting bodies and wagon, remembering that Rothuss has 16 in Animal Rendering, checking on Toddler Boy, and hopefully some healing before moving on.

Quotes of the Night
Lemon (Levi Reed): How do you even hurt stone?
Michael (Jericho): Hit it with a sledgehammer
Carissa (Vee Barlett): be without sin

BOB The punch and martial arts buttons apparently are not working
BOB I just remembered that from last week and I never reported it
Shislif (MeLange): now you're an accomplice
Lemon (Levi Reed): lol

TMO (Rothuss Carder): Magic Fist!
Michael (Jericho): Behold,...the Fist of Fury!
wyjyoon (Temperance): *dramatic music plays in the background*
Shislif (MeLange): so we can punch this thing?
BOB Fixed
Carissa (Vee Barlett): looks like no, Bob fixed it
Carissa (Vee Barlett): BOOOOO
Michael (Jericho): He who giveth, taketh away

BOB Mel will just be punching people with his buckler from now on
wyjyoon (Temperance): Master of Magical Shield Punching
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
Shislif (MeLange): does seem to work pretty good lol
BOB 7-9 points of damage every time you hit

Lemon (Levi Reed): I just thought the idea of getting a baby as a henchman was funny
Shislif (MeLange): henchbaby
wyjyoon (Temperance): Boss Henchbaby
e2wolfe (Claudius ): lol
wyjyoon (Temperance): It'll scream at the top of its lungs to intimidate

TMO (Rothuss Carder): HEH - can he use Animal Rending to know the weak spots for an attack on it? (sorry, just being silly now)
BOB grins
Carissa (Vee Barlett): to be fair...
Carissa (Vee Barlett): you cut up enough animals you do know a good way to roll them
Carissa (Vee Barlett): speaking from experience
Lemon (Levi Reed): Well that's a nightmare fuel sentence lol
Carissa (Vee Barlett): I have not necropsied an owlbear yet to know
BOB not necropsied enough owlbears to know

Temperance: [CAST] Cause Light Wounds
wyjyoon (Temperance): Wrong one sorry
e2wolfe: lol
BOB grins
wyjyoon (Temperance): Just letting you know that I didn't want to give you more wounds :)
TMO (Rothuss Carder): And thus did Claudius die at the hands of his friends...
BOB Here let me heal you WHAM with the hammer
Lemon (Levi Reed): In a crazy twist, Temperance finishes off Claudius while being surrounded by hobgoblins
wyjyoon (Temperance): LOLOL
e2wolfe: LOL
wyjyoon (Temperance): Good riddance, take your toddler with you :)
Lemon (Levi Reed): hahahahahaha
e2wolfe: lol
TMO (Rothuss Carder): She tried to grab the Healing Shiv, but accidentally grabbed a regular Shiv instead

Lemon (Levi Reed): I CALL DIBS ON THE INDIVIDUALIST LEOTARD
wyjyoon (Temperance): Individualist is dead to my knowledge?
BOB lolol
Lemon (Levi Reed): On the leotard specifically.

Carissa (Vee Barlett): maybe Lirt can roast it too
Lemon (Levi Reed): yum, roast owl for dinner
Lemon (Levi Reed): owl kebob?
wyjyoon (Temperance): Mm owl kebob

Carissa (Vee Barlett): did you crit yourself?
BOB yes he did
Lemon (Levi Reed): ...
Carissa (Vee Barlett): that feels VERY rothuss appropriate
TMO (Rothuss Carder): why waste a Crit on an owlbear?
e2wolfe: lol
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
BOB hah

Session 20240315c - 20240315s

• Welcome to this new arc! Lemon logs in before Carissa, and we welcome Eric / Oooolfe and Claudius to the chaos that is the party! As BOB puts it, “No worries Michael, Eric will be in to cause you all sorts of conflict ;)”
• Disclaimer: eardrums and sound minds may have been harmed in the making of this episode.
• The party is sleeping off the Summer Holiday celebrations. INGRID proceeds to play rooster and YELLS to express her enthusiasm. All caps for her name because something tells me she’d appreciate her name to be yelled out in records.
• As expected, none of the party members appear too pleased by this development. Vee challenges INGRID to a yelling match, Jericho wants to heal her poor ears before he starts screaming too, and Temperance just wants to enjoy her tea.
• Enter Claudius from stage left! And hey, some common ground, he also owes a favor to a religious establishment! What joy! The favor? Deliver a two-year-old boy to The Snow Man.
• As expected, Levi and Vee say heck no. Who’s this Claudius dude, anyway?
• Vee does her Vee Thing and starts grilling him, which is much less of a hassle for healers than a shanking to the ribs. Levi and Jericho are much more concerned about this “delivering a child” ordeal because it sounds a lot like human trafficking.
• Breakfast gets served hot and fresh with heated discussions over whether assisting a toddler to his destination crosses over some moral line. More specifically, Levi isn’t going to budge on it if this child’s final destination is danger or death. Which is valid, but trying to get to a High Priest(ess) when Church Office Hours are closed is not.
• Claudius tries to reassure them by comparing the child to a puppy. Vee tries, too, but her version of reassurance is telling Levi off for being impulsive, like she didn’t just verbally mention her desire to shank someone a few moments prior. Still, lockpicking and pissing off churchy people is, well... too much trouble for too little return. Temperance watches all this unfold in the background, questioning whether this hubbub is worth casting Calm Chaos with low Charisma.
• After some coaxing, Levi reluctantly settles down. Claudius is experienced in swordfights, Ratbone will help out with the toddler, they’re all going uphill to meet the Snowman, and maybe meet some sirens and/or selkies. All is well, right?
• Oh, wait! Did someone say going uphill? Because Ms. Avdotya Mirny wants to join the fun! Vee’s about to pop a blood vessel, but perks up at the mention of gold. Listen, if the lady says she’d rather pay for adventure than be lawfully wedded within the bounds of a white picket fence, let her adventure!
  • So, intermission for headcount on this journey: Vee, Lirt, Rothuss, Ratbone, Levi, Jericho, Temperance, Claudius, The Toddler Boy, Ms. Avdotya Mirny, Thuskar, and Parry. Melange is… temporarily indisposed, and Matthias is hopefully faring well in his journey back to the Temple.
• So they all went along and went along, and went along some more until— Oh hello, it’s four Goblins! And they’ve developed opposable thumbs to grip and throw things!

  • Vee and Temperance move towards the log bridge. Temperance attempts an arrow shot and misses.
  • Rothuss decides to ready his sabre in case the goblins start doing more than just throwing rocks.
  • Goblin 2 tries to attack and falls in the river. Levi attacks with an arrow, which spears through said goblin.
  • Lirt is watching out for any other disturbances.
  • Temperance’s arrows continue missing.
  • Goblin Dull Slutty Chortle casts a command on Vee, but Vee just glares back like they offended her.
  • Claudius sets toddler gently down next to a shrub (with Ms. Mirny?) and decides to go across the log bridge, brandishing his rapier. The bridge is pretty slippery though, so he falls off, lands in the water, and… rights his balance before he can cushion his fall against a goblin corpse.
  • Vee crosses the bridge and Supershanks™ Dull Slutty Chortle for trying to cast something on her. The remaining goblin runs off into the woods at this fearsome sight, living to tell the tale.
  • As Vee loots dead goblins, Levi assists Claudius out the water and crosses over the log to pick up stray arrows.
  • And, hey! Vee finds a holy symbol on the goblin. It’s in the shape of a skull? Shrunken head? Person? Either way, it’s a holy symbol, which means religion, which means Priests or Shamans, which means more Churchy people?
  • Ooh, also, more loot that BOB will assign later because Updates Changed Things.

• Now that the fight’s done, hey, where’s the child? Because he might be hungry. Claudius tries his best, but there’s more food spilling outside the mouth than going in.
• Vee assigns Ms. Mirny to help, which gets everyone realizing that being able to baby sit and babysit are two very different things.
• Ratbone solves the problem with hard tack, we get some of Claudius’ backstory as a privateer, which loops into whether Vee is a pirate or not. Levi thinks he would probably prefer to accompany His Baby than this toddler, which inspires a conversation about whether snuggling is good for the soul.

Quotes of the Night
Michael (Jericho): What is a Priest Sea?
BOB chuckles, Sea Priest, Sea Mage,
Carissa (Vee Barlett): C Bass
BOB See Mage swim, Swim mage Swim
Spring (Ratbone Carder): C sell C shells
Michael (Jericho): lol
TMO: C sells C spells

Carissa (Vee Barlett): I mean yes, the church absolutely can and might but, well, they ARE in charge and we're still nobodies so kinda expected
Michael (Jericho): One day, we shall be bodies
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol
Michael (Jericho): important and respected bodies
wyjyoon (Temperance): Let's hope we don't become cadavers before then
Michael (Jericho): Or only temporary cadavers
Lemon (Levi Reed): I love the optimism going on tonight
Michael (Jericho): but then we'll owe funeral home loans, rather then student loans
Michael (Jericho): Seriously, what a racket for a coffin. Just throw me in the fire and call it good
Carissa (Vee Barlett): that costs money too
Carissa (Vee Barlett): and pollution
Michael (Jericho): 100 vs. 10,000
Carissa (Vee Barlett): 100? I highly recommend you don't get your cremation off Craiglist. It ain't gonna go well.
BOB LOL

Michael (Jericho): (But at what cost)
Michael (Jericho): (As Czarissa would point out :) )
Michael (Jericho): (Carissa)
Michael (Jericho): (sorry)
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Zarissa
Lemon (Levi Reed): Czar-issa isn't wrong, exactly... lol
Carissa (Vee Barlett): Czar of Issa
Michael (Jericho): Shes the Czar of the Issa warship
Carissa (Vee Barlett): lol

Adhita Vegne: If I serve the church faithfully I have been told that I will be blessed if they see me worthwhile
Michael (Jericho): So...cult
Michael (Jericho): this is a cult
BOB A cult that Jericho and Temperance are part of, they were blessed, Vee, Levi, etc were not they were shunned by the gods
Carissa (Vee Barlett): think Vee shunned them first :P
BOB If you look at it from that point of view
Lemon (Levi Reed): Well thank the gods they shunned me, I don't want to be in this cult

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